FEELING DISCONNECTED & CONNECTED????

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jenn3
jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I am 1 year and 4 months out from dx and 6 months from active treatment.  I am starting to feel better, life is getting filled with "busy" stuff again and it's good.  But......I still feel different.  There are many days I still feel like the cancer patient when I look in the mirror and still feel the need to come here and offer advice, kind words or a funny.  I also find that as life moves on I feel disconnected from the BC as well.  I will sit down after a full day of work, errands and what not and realize that BC didn't cross my mind and I didn't jump on breastcancer.org - then I feel guilty for not checking in to offer words of advice or a (((hug))) to someone in need.  I also find that I really really don't want to talk about it to my friends, family and coworkers.  I don't want to discuss my curly hair, reconstruction or how often I go for check ups or how will I know if I've had a recurrance.  I just don't want to discuss it, I'm ready to move on..............I think????

I needed to say this out loud and share my feelings and wonder - do you feel this way too?

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited November 2010

    Jenn,

    You are on the other side and on your way to healing.  Soon, there will come a time where you don't even feel guilty for not logging in to bco.  You want to feel like the normal chick, not the cancer chick.  So normal and healthy!

    Speaking of not talking about it at work.  I'm temping long term in a dept that has low cubicles.  Since my subsidized COBRA is running out soon, I was on the phone with an insurance agent this afternoon.  Of course I had to bring up the C word and how it could affect my rates.  So while this agent and I were talking I felt quite a few pairs of eyes on me.  Guess THAT cat is out of the bag, eh?  lol

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited November 2010

    You sound perfectly normal to me!!!!

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited November 2010

    Thank you Bugs, Sherri & Karen.  I feel so guilty when I don't check in because quite honestly, I couldn't have made it through without the support of the people that have been there before me and the support of the women going through the same thing at the same time.  Then there are the other days that I feel like I have to check in.  I guess it's like all of you said........I'm starting to move on.

    BC has changed me in many ways or rather taught me more about myself, family and friends.  And.....I do love my life!!!

    Bugs......you probably made for some good gossip :)

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited November 2010

    I'm not too far behind you Jenn so I understand what you are talking about.  Yes, it bothers me that I only get on the boards when its the weekend, a day off or I'm recovering from something (last week was BSO recovery).  But I'm still trying to build energy so if I've been working all day I just have to be happy that I had the energy to do my work -- I don't have any extra energy for BCO.  But I also think back to when I was here everyday when the beast was new and when I was going through active treatment.  I remember how encouraging it was that there were "new" ladies who would pop in occasionally with support or posts on their anniversaries.  It made me realize that the community was much larger than I realized.  I had a whole bunch more sisters out there that I hadn't met!  And they were doing fine.  It gave me hope during those down times. 

    So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think we have to be on the board everday to provide hope.  Unfortunately we have such a large community that there will always be women out there helping each other on a day to day basis.  Our priority right now is just getting our own lifes back to fully functional.  I am sooo looking forward to New Years and getting the 2009 and 2010 behind me!

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  • Mom3
    Mom3 Member Posts: 170
    edited November 2010

    Good for you! Who wants to remember each day they had cancer? Not me. You're lucky. Be happy you don't remember, some woman can't forget.

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  • anonymice
    anonymice Member Posts: 532
    edited November 2010

    This is a very different type of bulletin board, isn't it?  You are taking back your lives and so it is empowering to be away, but you feel badly about that as well.  But it seems that leaving IS healing.

    It is just my opinion, but I think it is just fine to go away when you are well and happy and come back for anniversaries and such.  I say wonderful, congratulations, my goal is to get there myself one day. 

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  • alhaun
    alhaun Member Posts: 20
    edited November 2010

    This is a great Thread. One of Hope and give great pleasure in knowing you girls have persevered and are on the other side of this. This makes me cry tears of joy. I wish I could meet you and give you hugs.

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited November 2010

    love this thread too.  just be where you are...that is healing*

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  • miki
    miki Member Posts: 22
    edited November 2010

    Jenn, Congrats on your starting to move on!

    Unfortunately, BC had become part of us and will always be part of us. Yes, this sure is not the life we had planned for ourselves, but that does not mean we can't have life.

    You don't have to feel guilty,,,Jenn. 

    Go out there and embrace new opportunities, new challenges, new joy, life gives you!  Take charge of your life once again. As you live your life with passion, with resilience, you WILL provide hope to others....

    Hugs, Miki

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited November 2010

    Thank all of you - I realize that I am not alone in these mixed feelings and that they too are a part of this crazy ride we're on.........

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