My latest panic about HER2+

Calm down, Mom. One good way to tell if she has a higher risk of ovarian cancer is to have the genetic BRCA test. That test really helps women who are carrying the gene(s) to know how to proceed. I am sure one of our scholars will come along and point you to some studies that will help you understand her risks. Deep calming breaths. (((HUGS)))

Hang in there KirisMum. They will address the issue. I had an ovarian cyst years ago but it went away on it's own. I also had the BRCA test and was negative. Good chance she will be too if there is no history of breast cancer in your family. Since I was negative and no history of ovarian cancer in my family there was no further discussion regarding my ovaries.

Get ready. They will be doing lots of tests. I remember the bone scan, CT test. They check these things just to be thorough but it doesn't mean your daughter will have issues. Dana Farber is one of the best.

KirisMum - I forgot to say, when I had the BRCA test they draw blood and send it off to the lab.  BRCA positive women are at an increased risk of ovarian cancer I think.  Given your daughters young age I would think the medical team would want to test her cells for the BRCA mutation.  One more thing, I think the BRCA mutation is something you are born with and the HER2 genetic problem is different and developes over time after you are born.

Lago - you are right!!  I was confusing with another thing!  chemo-brain - I'll edit my post.

Hi mom,

My cancer is exactly the same as your daughters. (Except, once I had my mast they found two more invasive cancers and a large area of DCIS).  Here I am alive and well.  Granted, I'm not 25, I was 51 when dx'd but there are great treatments now for all of us.  It's not a death sentence by ANY means. 

As a mom of a 24 year old son,  I totally get what you are going through though - I know you wish it was you and not her.  

 I know it's scary but I just want to say (for the 2nd time today) that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.  Her ovarian cyst is very likely to be unrelated.  However, the tests will be done to rule it out.

Frankly, I would not remove the ovaries unless you are given an overwhelming reason.  She will be on tamoxifen for five years, but she could regain her fertility afterwards.  And, the SEs of tamoxifen are not pretty and are way more difficult (for me, at least) then chemo. I was premenopausal and chugging along as normal before chemo.   Removing her ovaries will make those SEs permanent so unless her doctors really show you a large benefit, I wouldn't do it.   A lifetime sentence of tamoxifen like side effects is really a horrible picture in a woman her age.

That's my only advice about her medical situation.  Stay calm for her, help her cook and clean and for god's sake, don't shave your head in support  :-)   She will look beautiful bald - we older women - not so much.    Chemo is not nearly as bad as you are imagining for most of us.  Please read the tips and tricks for getting through it here on the forum. Lots of water and a high fiber diet are key.

Good luck!

NO NO NO to shaving heads in support - for ANYBODY.  (In my opinion!)

I found that I didn't mind THAT much being bald, BUT I definitely stayed away from mirrors as much as possible. So if a loved one had done it, I would have been reminded every moment when I looked at THEM.  Definitely would not have been AT ALL helpful to me.

In general, outside of actual treatment days, I found it very helpful to maintain as much normalcy as possible. You HAVE to take mental vacations from cancerland or it can consume your life and really affect your state of mind and emotional health. I mean, it affects both of those no matter what, but it helps to keep it as little as possible.

For example, during treatment week (during the chemo phase), I definitely thought about/dealt with chemo/SEs/cancer almost every moment. But the 2nd week, it started to fade, and the third week I felt/acted totally (almost) normal.  That third week was what got me through the other weeks, if that makes sense. And then as chemo ended, and it was herceptin-only, the non-cancer part of my life expanded and the cancer-part shrunk down to just the few days around the herceptin treatment. And now that all of that is over, the cancer stuff takes up a smaller and smaller piece. Think of it like a pie chart where, as time goes on, cancer (and all its related medical stuff) takes an ever-smaller slice. Right now ,of course, it is just about the whole pie (which sucks, I know). 
But as Kiri starts actual surgery/treatment, it will not be that way.  And while you may want to discuss and rehash the details and plans over & over (I know as a mom, I do this with my daughters), I really want to encourage you to take your cues from her.   She may just want to talk about or do something totally unrelated to the medical stuff - do some crafts, take a walk, watch a movie, GO SHOPPING, etc.  If you have questions or worries that pop into your mind during those time, try to shelve them and bring them up when she is in 'cancer mode' anyway, so you aren't bringing her mind back to the situation when she is trying to take a break from it.

That being said,  if she can't stop thinking about/dwelling on it, sometimes it's good to have someone distract you.  I signed up for Netflix (i'm not at all a movie watcher normally) and always had a few funny/light movies on hand, an easy-reading book by the bedside, people to stop by to talk about OTHER things, etc. You get the idea.

I can sense your deep passionate mama grizzly-type protective love for Kiri in all your posts.  This is a very hard and painful thing for you to go through. But you have such an important role here, you just have to be strategic as to how you can help her the best way and be intentional about channeling your energies into those things, not the hovering/worrying stuff that could upset her.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted please.

Kiri has a whole team of women behind her now -and so do you!

Amy