Starting Chemo October 2009

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  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2010

    Wow... so much going on. Wish I could personally give each & everyone of you dear ladies a hug!

    I found a lump last monday (left side where first cancer was & breast used to be) and hit panic, I couldnt deal with cancer for the third time! My Onc set up an urgent exam then sent me in for a needle biopsy. I got the results Friday and Im sooo happy to say it was B9. I dont think these scares will ever go away, we just need to learn how to take them in stride. Im also having issues with my sciatica, so she has set up a bone scan for Oct 18th. Im hoping it will show me whats up with it & how to deal with it as its extremely painful.

    I hear everyone on those cancerversaries... both times I found mine mid August and then soooo many tests, treatments & surgeries in different orders. Im still waiting for my one year clearance till reconstruction. I have to wait till after April 13th (one year from bi-lateral masx) Im hoping there wont be any further delay as Ive been in the system for so long. Also dealing with the 1 year anniversary of my Dad passing away tomorrow. Not sure how I managed to cope with it all last year...

    On a lighter note. The hair.... lol. Being round two, I at least knew a little more of what to expect. I use Natural Instincts semi-perm color just to get rid of the grey a bit, mine is curly again. I just wash, condition, finger comb into place & let it air dry. I give it a lil finger fluff and tuck it behind my ears. Last time it stayed curly for about 6-9 months then the roots started growing in straight. Kinda like growing out a perm. Have fun with the curls while you can as I dont think they will be permanent.

    I just did the CIBC run for the cure Sunday, wow I gotta say just walking from the skytrain to the event site was very emotional. We had 20,000 people participate in Vancouver and it was a sea of pink & white. So much support... it was amazing.

    Big Hugs Everyone (I need to do a whole lot of reading to try to catch up)

    Stay strong, Suz

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    Latest news report:

    After posting here and reading your encouraging comments, I finally calmed down. Helped by the fact that the lumpiness on my scar has ceased to hurt and now feels just as it does since the surgery, I reasoned myself that it is a possibility BUT not that probable.... Three months after rads, come on.

    Yesterday, I saw my surgeon and popped the question as to the difficulty of doing a self exam properly and assessing that hard "lump" from the scar. He says that it is important to continue doing the self exam in order to better "know" the scar tissue; the important thing is to notice any change which I did two weeks before when I was hiding that infection...

    He did the exam and, from his standpoint, it still feels like scar tissue: he does not seem too concerned with a recurrence. However, it is a possibility indicated in last week u/s report and now that we have began to worry, we should go through further investigation. I understand he does not want to be the one to stop the process in case...

    This time, he is referring me to a "breast clinic" (as they call them here in Québec) to avoid being seen by a radiologist who is a a bone scan specialist not that knowledgeable in the breast cancer field... (yes, that is what happened last week!!!!).

    I am waiting for the lovely receptionist at the clinic to call me back and set me an appointment for mammogram, u/s and maybe a biopsy, the latest being at the radiologist's discretion according to his assessment of the "thing" :)

    Hope all is great with you girls. Thanks a million times again for your support.

    Isabelle

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    My scheduled appointments:

    Mammogram: Friday October 15th, then, u/s + biopsy: Tuesday, October 19th... until then, I am trying to calm down and stay positive.

    The good thing about this: I will KNOW for sure. 

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  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2010

    Isabelle,

    I know its tough, but stay positive. Its great that you got your appointments quickly. Remember to "breathe" and stay strong.

    {{{Big Hugs}}} Suz

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited October 2010
    Isabell, god luck....I hate wating, but I have a good feeling for you..Kiss
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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited October 2010

    Isabelle ~ so sorry you have to have this biopsy.  I know it is not easy, but try not to worry until you have something to worry about.  Can't think of the name of the movie.. chemo brain.  Where if you will it be ... it will be ~  Willing and wishing for you to be just FINE!

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  • unklezwifeonty
    unklezwifeonty Member Posts: 1,710
    edited October 2010

    Good luck Isabelle.

    Today is my second birthday since BC. Feels a bit weird but it reminds me.

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  • one-L
    one-L Member Posts: 1,110
    edited October 2010

    Hello October Ladies.  I have been away,  but have not forgotten you.  Life is very full for me now and that is the way I like  it. 

    As I pass each one of my anniversaries, I pause, and think about what I have been through in the last year.  For 8 months, cancer consumed my life.  Every conversation. emotion, thought was all about cancer, treatment, survival and such.  You all know what it is like.  Then when all the TX is  over, then there is a scare every time there is an ache or pain.

    I am so glad I am alive to tell about this and am so thankful  for all you wonderful ladies that helped me get  through the tough spots and there were plenty as we all know.  I continue to have a few problems that were caused  by chemo, but it is nothing that will not heal in time, but I have time now to heal.

    Love  you all and thanks for being there for me.

    Juannelle

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  • unklezwifeonty
    unklezwifeonty Member Posts: 1,710
    edited October 2010

    Dear 1-L,

    Nice to hear from you. I echo some of your feelings and thoughts.

    Love,

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  • feistybluegecko
    feistybluegecko Member Posts: 133
    edited October 2010

    Beautifully put One-L

    This month is a strange one with all its anniversaries.

    It is the anniversary of connecting with you all and sharing this unbelievable time and that is incredibly special.

    Hugs and love from rainy Yangon

    Philippa   xxxx

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    Anniversaries.... we have that renewed ability to stop, think and be thankful for "just being there". I love differently. Think differently. Feel differently. Smile differently. A lot.

    And, yes, the dates haunt me... my present ordeal has the bad consequence that I cannot celebrate but in September, I did celebrate one year out since the diagnosis.

    I now feel good: I realize (again) the chance(s) that I have to have a wonderful husband, absolutely lovely daughters, a great family, a job that I enjoy, and so on and so on. Everything is just perfect the way it is.

    Hugs,

    Isabelle :) xx

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    Yesterday was my mammogram... and Tuesday, I was scheduled for an u/s and u/s guided biopsy.

    Finally, the mammogram technician (who happens to be nice, experienced, understanding and caring) was so confident that this was nothing to be worried about that she immediately talked to the radiologist to have his advice and ensure he realizes the u/s right away. She did not want me to come back next week and... she wanted me to spend a good w-e.

    The radiologist was not worried either about the mammogram films and under u/s, he was positively sure that this was normal scar tissue and healing process. NO BIOPSY!!!! EVERYTHING IS NORMAL...

    (BTW, I saw the u/s picture and it was not the same as 2 weeks ago when I had this infection)...

    :):):):) !!!! B9!!!!

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited October 2010

    Beautiful words Juanelle ~ thank you.

    CAT ~ so happy for YOU ::: WOOO HOO:::::: 

    I find with PINKTOBER upon us and knowing this time last year the scary journey of surgery, chemo, tissue expanders, hair loss, neulasta shots, a shoe box of pills to swallow, etc..~ I am very emotional.  Sometimes I just start crying driving in the car or something.  I guess if tears are there they need to come out.  I am happy and sad at the same time.  But most of all I am grateful for each day........  I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for holding my hand and being my sisters.

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited October 2010

    It is so great to hear you all coming out on the other side as I begin my journey.

    Day 12 cycle one of TCx4.

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  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2010

    Hi Carrol,

    Yes its awesome to be on the other side.... sooner than you think you will too. It is definitely a ride with a lot of ups, downs and a few curves thrown in. Give it all you've got & go with it. I'm assuming your also on the Oct 2010 thread. All I can say is this board was my lifeline through Chemo, rads & surgeries. The wealth of information here is so incredible & on that day when you feel you cant take anymore someone who truly understands & cares comes along to help pick you up when your ready.

    I'm currently in waiting mode.... I had to have a full year between the bmx surgery & reconstruction. I'm about halfway through that... not looking forward to another round of surgeries but really looking forward to having boobs again.

    Hugs Suz Smile

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited October 2010
    suz45 Thanks for the encuragemnet. I am hoping to get my new boobs asap. my ps says he will do the surgery as soon as my onc says im ok. He is younger and says that some of the older doctors, like his associate  make you wait a year.
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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited October 2010

    Carol ~ I had reconstruction done 4 weeks after my last chemo !  Hang tough girl you will get through this.  Rest and be kind to yourself when you don't feel good.  So you have had your first treatment so far?  And are having 4 round? 

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited October 2010

    JustmeAlicia yes i am getting 3 more rounds or Taxotere and Cytoxin.

    Day 69 since the surgery, Day 13 of chemo cycle one. Did not sleep well last night, too much Popeye's Chicken and my mind is reeling. Waiting for hair to fall out. I am going to wash it today after I work out to my "Firm" video. 
    Also my unemployment is at 0 this week so I find out next sunday if it will be extended yet again. It has been almost 2 years now. I fully expected to start working right about when I got my diagnosis. But now it is unrealistic to start looking. So crossing my fingers that it will go on until at least chemo is over. We have so many plans in the works now and everything is so up in the air while I go through this. 

    We were going to build a pole barn for my husband to work in (building custom cars and bikes) but now he is afraid to spend the money. Also I am booking us at car shows (geting paid to bring our car) starting in January which will be about a month after my last treatment so nut sure if I will be well enough to go with him. Then there are 5 more shows after. I also don't know when my reconstruction surgery will be. I stressed to my ps that I wanted to do it asap but now not sure. It may get scheduled during a show and my husband wont be here. 

    so got a lot on mind mind and last night i just felt so much pressure i could not relax especially when my stomach was just way to full of popeye's chicken. 

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    Carrol, Good luck and I am trying to send you good energy vibes. You are going through the hardest part of the journey back to your normal life. Hang tough; you will find the inner strength you need.

    Isabelle

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited October 2010

    Carol, so next round you will be 1/2 way to done !  Try to rest your mind a bit and worry about you..  all the other stuff will be there when you are feeling better.

    :)

    Alicia

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited October 2010

    Damn that Popeyes Chicken...Like Alicia said you are half done...I know the feeling to be done with it all.  Soon you will be done and things can go back to normal. 

    During our  treatments we referred to ours selves as monkeys trying to climb over a wall.  We started with one monkey complete and then two, then we were a bunch of crazy monkeys cheering and pulling each other over the wall...You are like our straggler monkey and we are all here over the wall cheering you up and over.  It is a hard climb, and lots of work, but well worth the celebration once you are there.  Hang on sista.

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited October 2010

    Thank you all for understanding. Seems like every day I have some nuisance with this. Last night I took an atavan and was able to sleep. I can feel my hair getting ready to fall out but still got it all so far. I spoke to my sister and she will come to help me when I get my recon surgery. My husband made me go get the permit info for the pole barn. We just don't know if we should be doing this right now and we can't wait very long because we are getting a deal. presssure pressure. 

     your right after the next treatment i will be half way there. The I can worry about the money full time ugh

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited October 2010

    I just had my chemoversery a couple of days ago.  I thought it was the 16th, but I forgot to look back at my agenda from last year...oh well I guess it just slipped by unnoticed.  Now I am coming up on my hair-loss-aversery.  How ever shall I celebrate that one...new shoes perhaps. Or a nice new hat for winter.  One that doesn't have to cover a big bald head.

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  • suz45
    suz45 Member Posts: 796
    edited October 2010

    Hang in there Carrol! remember to just breathe...

    I have a great young female plastic surgeon, I was going to have immediate reconstruction until they found out how aggressive the cancer was this time. Unfortunately it was already in my internal mammary nodes as well as under the arm & in the neck.. that along with it being a cluster of 8 tumors that had all grown within 3 months. It was discussed at the Vancouver oncology board & the consensus was no... I had to wait a year to make sure there was no immediate recurrences. So I wait...

    Most of my Cancerversaries are a blur as both times I found it mid August... I did surgery, chemo, rads then the oopherectomy along with the port going in & out for round one then Chemo, rads, bmx along with another port in & out round two. I know key days always fell on my sons birthday (Aug 20) our anniversary (August 28) and my husbands birthday (September 18) both years so I'm a little leery about going "whoo hoo"... I do have everything written down and its scary even reading it so Ill just pass on all that for now Undecided The time will come when I'm ready for it... maybe after In finished with all the reconstruction.

    I'm flying out to visit my family in a few hours so I had better get some sleep. Hugs Suz

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  • Carrol2
    Carrol2 Member Posts: 2,903
    edited October 2010

    wow suz45 you have been through a lot. Thank you for sharing your story. It is exactly this kind of recurrences that gave me the courage to do a BMX even though my cancer was only in one breast and to get chemotherapy even though the nodes were negative my oncotype score was a 31. But as I suffer through all the SEs I know there are always these chances it can come back. I feel the same way, once the reconstruction is done and I am all healed I will feel past the hurdle even though they say I am not officially in the clear until after 5 years of tamoxifen.

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  • feistybluegecko
    feistybluegecko Member Posts: 133
    edited October 2010

    chemoversary - what a great expression.  Oh - mine is on Saturday!  My hairlos-aversary is not till 17 November - hung on to it for a while but man is it slow coming back now!!

     I have my Big Check next week - rescheduled it for a variety of practical reasons.  I'm now terrified - afraid to go, and afraid to not go as I read here.  But good that it will be done soon and we will know if I can breathe a sigh of relief....

    Big hugs to you all

    Philippa

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  • CAtharsis
    CAtharsis Member Posts: 52
    edited October 2010

    @Philippa: The Big Check is a necessary portion of our post-journey. Wishing you the best of luck; try to relax... :)

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  • feistybluegecko
    feistybluegecko Member Posts: 133
    edited October 2010

    Thanks so much, yes I know I am too good at worrying!  The rational side and the emotional side do not connect sometimes!  I also know (and really value) just how lucky I amto get such good follow up checks.

    On another topic though - I had a hilarious experience the other evening when I lost my prosthesis between my evening swim and getting home!  I thought it was in the changing room, (embarrassing), or the taxi (excruciatingly embarrassing) or in the street (unbearably embarrassing).  Luckily it turned up in the garden!!  

    Big hugs to all

    Philippa

    xxxx

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited October 2010

    Lost your breast in the garden.....whaaa, tooo funny.

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  • JustmeAlicia
    JustmeAlicia Member Posts: 1,529
    edited October 2010

    IF only we could grow a new breast or two in the garden.......

    :)

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