please help

Towhee:  GO FOR IT!!!!   WHOOOOOOO!   (Keep us posted....pics of course ... kidding, lol)  ~juli

Judi, you did type pornographer and not photographer. Was that a Freudian slip or for real??

My husband said, porno with breast cancer patients, what a new concept! Let men know what what 'real' women look like.

Sheila 

No typo, Barbe. He's now a personal trainer for fitness and I can't afford him, but he's going to connect me with a couple of women he knows that care more about helping than about cash, which is his motivation. One runs lebed sessions (don't know where the caps belong). And, he is going to try to find someone similar to me to be an exercise partner. He is adorable, and I have six more 3-hour art classes to get to know more about him. It was an interesting class, to say the least. You never know...

Towhee:  PIX!!!!!!     (lol)  GOOD for you and him~~~~!    ~juli

THE MELT DOWN CONTINUES,  Judie you might be right The tuff cookie is starting to crumble,  a really bad bad week,  and I see no relief in sight,  court was ruff,  we went in front of a new judge - Judge Judies Sister I think,  she was cool with us,  and sympathetic in the fact I was between grandchildren/DD and how hard that is,  SIL tried to make excuse after excuse about lack of visits & suport,  digging his hole deeper,  she and the social worker just laid into him. Looking at his sick sorry A$$ makes me wanna puke,  and DD continues to STAND BY HER MAN -

Ella has been sick all week,  a cold and also cut 4 teeth at one time, lots of congestion - thus lots of coughing and throwing up if she has recently eaten. Ed has been sick for over a month and won't go to the DR, keeps slugging it off as a cold ,  and me I have been so NASTY to him lately, he helps so much,  yet I roll my eyes make little remarks because my head is saying CAN'T YOU DO MORE ,  I think my marriage is falling apart too,  because of me that is-  and of coarse Landen is pretty cranky with his tonsils and sore throat.

And then there is work,  still have a major account with Disney and the girl in the office who does some simplle back up end work for me has created a HUGE DISASTER with their account,  don't even know how to begin to fix it. 

My house is so freakin dirty I can't stand it -  everyone says it's not  - BUT IT IS.

And I am SICK-SICK SICK - of having to keep it together ,  hold those emotions Cathi -  I am becoming a nasty mean bitter woman inside I fear.

Oh, Cathi, my heart breaks for you. You and Ed need a romantic getaway to recharge and you are stuck with crises and heavy responsibilities. You must feel trapped. Can you hire a housekeeper? Tell Ed that mean old nurse Judie demands he get himself to the doctor. He needs to be in tip top shape. I send much love and faith. There is purpose in what you are doing.

Hi Judie, wow, it sure is a small world!   My BF drives daily thru Schoharie/Schoharie County for his job (300miles a day).  I don't know Amsterdam, but BF was brought up in Canajoharie, not far from there, nor from Cobleskill (I don't know that area either).  I personally was brought up in Central NY (just West of Syracuse)...snowbelt country, I'm sure you can relate! 

You surely have alot on your plate, and no, it is NOT fair that you're going thru all of this plus the dx of BC.  I will keep you in my thoughts, as well as your family.  ((HUGS))   ~juli

Leesa you are right in so many ways,  but I am such a wishy washy fool.  I go from being furiousus to actually feeling sorry for them,  even SIL ,  I think about his childhood, he was brought up by a drugged out mom (she still is) an alcholic/abusive dad,  still a drunk,  SIL spent most of his youth in foster care, I guess I am just crazy,  I know they can't keep placing the fault of their adult choices on their past but today I  feel sadness for them both.  Gosh I wish I could just stick to one emotion - LOL I am sure within the next day or two they will do something to really bug me -  NEVER FAILS,

I actually have lunch plans for Thursday  - HOPEFULLY , my  2 BFF'S Blaire ( the one w/throat CA) and Jo-ann who I have mentioned (her hubby has Kidney CA) are taking me to lunch -  hopefully nothing will get in the way -  Wondering if I should wear MOM JEANS  - LOL

HAPPY SUNDAY - XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Cathi,  I'm not where you are at now but I basically raised my 3 oldest grandkids because of their Dad's addiction.  He died in 2002 from an anyurism brought on by Meth abuse.

There was a book that helped me a great deal as no therapy ever had, It's called Transactional Analysis, I don't remember the author but it gave me the tools to work with to quit playing the head games and to let go of the guilt.  Wish you the best and big (((hugs)))  Darla

Rhis picture is absolutelybeautiful  You need to have this picture blown up and framed.

Thanks Leesa ,  we are having that donwe with the pic.  I have a sister 2 years younger than me,  when we were 3 & 5 my mom had Easter pic's taken at a studio,  my sister is doing about the same pose,  hands together,  looking down at them,  my mom always said she was praying in that picture for my sick grandmother at the time.  In fact Ella looks a whole lot like her in that picture  - wish I had a copy to share.

Hope everyone is haviing a great weekend. 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

WOW - I thought I would come on here to find I had missed 100's of posts - hope everyone is just busy and all is well - thats why things are so quiet.  Wanted to pop by and send you all love & hugs and ask for some in return on Friday I know Landens surgery is a minor one but still has me worried to death, I will be spending the night with him,  he will be discharged Saturday sometime - it's going to be a VERY LONG DAY and NIGHT I expect. Amanda will be going to the hospital with me as their parental rights have not been taken away one of them has to sign permission for the anestesia/surgery or we would have had to gotten a court order for it. She can't however stay over night.  And Dad well he is a bigger A-Hole than ever,  in this month he has been to see the kids a total of 6 hours,   I confronted him on it last Monday VIA E-MAIL 9can't do it ifn front of the children) and he became so rude and nasty, saying Ed and I are nothing more than TEMPORARY CARE GIVERS - THATS it,  and he refuses to LISTEN to anyone regarding his children,    told me it was obvious I was never a mother to Amanda and sense Ed never had any of his own children how could be begin to be  role models for his children,  told me  that WE SHOULD CALL HIM if we ever have any questions about when he is coming to see the kids,  he doesn't think he has to or it's his responsibility to call us  -  his exact words WE SHOULD KNOW HIS PLANS,  he can't stand coming to our house and looking at our PHONY SMILES,  etc etc and he was going to call case worker to ask that his visits not be here anymore - that was last Monday he hasn't done so yet.  Case worker comes here today at 5PM, I have all the e-mails printed out for her,  he has not been here to see the kids sense 10/17.  We aren't gonna ask case worker to stop his visits here unless she insists upon it or he does,  feel that we can be better witness to his behavir than they can for 1 hour a month at DCF, oh well we'll see what happens. Amanda continues to sit on the fence,  condeming his actions and remarks for a short while and then becoming his savior and excusing his behavior.  UGH

Well anyway if I am not back on before hope every one  has a Happy Halloween.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO

Oh Barbe  - your right I am wishy washy aren't I, I guess I try or hope that there is good in everyone,  STUPPID ME  - LOL some people are just evil ,  mean and nasty,  Please do come down and slap the POOH out of him. Maybe me too -  LOL. 

No my wonderful stubborn husband has not gone to the Dr's now he says it's allergies and as soon as we get some rain it will get better - he is however coughing less,  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .  Landen and Ella are both doing daycare now from about 9AM-4PM, Ella is doing wonderful  - she is a class favorite as she is always smiling and so HAPPY.  Landen has adjusted so well and will now have to be out a week for the surgery.

Alexcis and Brandt have  gotten a raw deal with this sometimes, Alexcis does not stay over nearly as much as she used too,  but Landen just loves her  -  he calls her YA-YA and actually having her here on weekends to play with him is a hige help,  we are trying to get back into some more normal weekend BB'Q.  We actually celebrated Jaclyns 30th (10-28-80) this past weekend,  Amanda came for the entire day - even brought her a card - they have not spoken sense Amanda left and went back to Bill. But it's not fair to any of the l;ittle ones to go without what they have grown used to - so we have made it clear to them all that if and when they are in our home together they will treat each other with respect - even if it is from across the room -  the holidays ought to be a treat this year -

What Barbe said.

Just reading your posts makes me tired, Cathi. Yet I look at those twinkling eyes and smiling faces of your grandchildren and know you are doing what you must. Hang in there.