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wallan
wallan Member Posts: 1,275
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hey ladies:

    I am now 6 1/2 years from my stage 3 diagnosis and still cancer free! There is hope and life. Since my diagnosis, I finished my PhD, finished a postdoctoral fellowship and just a few weeks ago got a great job! Things are looking up!

  I have mostly recovered now from the devastating depression I had last year. I am on antidepressants and in therapy. The only thing is the therapy is not covered under any insurance plan. It costs $85 per week. Good news is I just landed a fantastic job for more money. So it helps with the cost.

Bad news though. What do you ladies think of this? My hubby announces tonight (when I get home from therapy) that I am keeping money away from him because of my therapy costs. He wants me to stop therapy or only go once and a while because I am taking money away from HIM. Can you believe this?? 

I am very angry because he is accusing me again of ripping him off because I pay for therapy sessions. Its not "We can't afford it" or " Lets look at our options"  or what I really prefer is "You need this therapy and we will get it for you". But, I am ripping him off!!

What do you ladies think of his attitude? After all I have been thru'...after all the treatments, and surgeries and menopause and side effects of drugs... and the depression...I think he should be glad I am getting effective help. And not even whimper about the cost. How dare he!!

I am glad I can vent here. I really want to get your feedback.

Wendy A   

  

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Comments

  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited October 2010

    hmmmmm...This is about more than just money. There is some other way he feels he can't afford having you in therapy.

    Things are looking up for you, you have recently acquired a Ph.D. and a great new job.Can it be he is feeling threatened or inadequate? Are things looking up for him, too?

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited October 2010

    Weesa, you are a wise, wise woman. You've hit the nail on the head.

    Wendy, I am so sorry you are not getting the support you deserve from your husband. He is obviously threatened by your success, and what you have achieved. Why else would he not be anything but thrilled for you? I don't have any advice for you - except get him in therapy too?

    Glad to hear you are doing well, and big congrats on the 6 1/2 years. 

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  • NancyD
    NancyD Member Posts: 3,562
    edited October 2010

    I would think, once your basic household expenses are covered, that you each have some amount of discretionary spending money. He's obviously got a bug up his butt about some preceived inequality. Maybe if you sat down and went over the finances with him, especially in light of the new job, he'd ease up on the accusations.

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited October 2010

    6 1/2 years! bless your heart! you were one of my buds..xoxox I am thrilled for you.

    as to you DH? Most men don't understand the emotional needs that we have...if you didn't have this it would affect so many other things... Sure it is a huge financial burden, but 10 years, 20, 30 years from now, what difference does it make. So unfair and hitting below the belt.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited October 2010

    Sorry to her that DH doesn't understand the need for therapy.  There are a lot of people that think it's a waste of time and energy.  Sounds like DH may not believe in therapy, which is why is saying that or has some insecurities of his own to work out.   If I had to guess from what you wrote, he has insecurities to work out.  Good luck and (((hugs))). 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited October 2010

    Something is bothering him...its not just the cost of the therapy....if he can't talk to you about it, maybe you can share the info with your therapist and get some insights from her/him....congrats on the Ph.D and new job.....I got my Ph.D. 20 years ago and couldn't even imagine doing grad school at my age, never mind after all the cancer Tx...you are AWESOME!!!

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited October 2010

    I don't have any specific answers but you've changed.  That is scary when you're the spouse.  I think he is scared of the person the you have become (or are in the process of becoming) and this is how he is expressing it.  Taking him to a counseling session would probably be a good idea.

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