2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

Sem,
I was on antidepressants for a long time because of other stuff in my life. Then I stopped in May because I thought I was cured. I even went off my Prempro, which is for menopausal symptoms. Then I was diagnosed in July. I couldn't stop crying. Couldn't go back to the Prempro for obvious reasons but was able to go back on the antidepressants. I still cry, just not all the time anymore.

We had a "glitch" in my chemo schedule. A nurse was supposed to look at my veins last week and give me a verdict as to whether to go with a port or not. She got busy, side-tracked or something and never got in to do that. Turned out she was my chemo nurse. She said she remembered later on, but she couldn't remember which patient it was. So I went in Wednesday all psyched up for chemo. I won't go into all the details because some of it's kinda gory - Lab Lady wouldn't use a tournequet to get a vein, despite what my surgeon had told me about having had sentinel nodes removed. She had to stick me twice, but she did get the blood drawn. How I did it without smacking her one is beyond me. She told me that she thought I'd need a port.

I was about in tears when I met with the PA about it. She reassured me that we'd go ahead as scheduled and I would have my chemo and I'd be fine.

However, when they took me to the infusion room and the nurse looked at both arms (with a tournequet) and told me that since the Adriamycin is so toxic if it were to leak out and it could cause irreparable damage to the surrounding tissue and skin, she just could not in good conscience start an IV on me without me having a port.

It really upset me. BUT she immediately called the doctor and admitted her mistake. Then she called my surgeon and got right on scheduling me to have my port installed and get me back for chemo before the end of this week. I had the port surgery yesterday, and all went well. And I had my first AC infusion today, and all went well. Hubby found a TV channel with a marathon of Becker re-runs, so we sat there laughing our butts off with our headphones on. It made the time pass quickly.

So far, no nausea. Only a slight sinus-type headache from the Cytoxen, but vicodin has taken care of that. My port site is a little sore, but only because I just had it installed yesterday. I also had some diarrhea today, but I (and the triage nurse) don't think it's chemo-related. I have IBS that kicks in when I'm in extreme stress, and this has been extreme stress. She told me to take the vicodin and some immodium and that should do the trick. It did.

I'm also now taking a low dose of coumadin to keep the port from clotting up. So now I have to be careful about bleeding. Not likely, but there is a small chance that it could cause excess bleeding if I happen to cut myself or something.

I'm just glad we finally got started on this. I go back on Monday for a shot of Neulasta. I'm going to see if my cousin might be available to take me and maybe we can go wig shopping after. I did go look at wigs Wednesday after we left the doctor's office and found a style and color that I (and hubby also) like. I also have one I bought from the same shop in 2003, and I'll take it and see what the lady thinks about styling it a little. One hairdresser wanted to cut it short for me, and I wouldn't let her. This was a hairdresser who, when I'd tell her what I wanted in the way of a haircut, would say, "Oh, you don't want that!" I've since gone back to my regular hairdresser, and all I have to do it tell her, for instance, "Just cut it as short as you can without making me look too butch." (Sorry, not meant to offend.) And she gave me a cute, short haircut. When my hair starts falling out, within the next couple of weeks, I think, hubby has promised to shave my head for me.

I like the image someone mentioned about the pink satin shorts and pink boxer gloves. As the chemo was going into my body, I invisioned miniature versions of myself in pink tank top, pink satin boxer shorts, pink boxer boots (and socks), and pink boxer gloves. And I was beating the holy crap out of the cancer!!!!

I took my 1st Neulasta shot last night and it was kinda rough there for a minute. Perhaps its psychophysiological, but I felt an ache creep through my body and settle in my lower back. After that I got stomach cramps which were relieved by some warm tea and a BM. Luckily I had taken the Ativan before I took the shot so I was unconcious before too long.

Mind you, I'm up posting on a message board at 5am!! But I'm glad to be out of those woods!

Warning: MAY BE SAD OR CORNY

"ODE TO MY HAIR"


You were my crowning glory.

You were the first thing my father saw when I was born.

Locks of little curls stuck to my head...

Where have you gone?

Remember when my first love touched you and mussed you?

Remember when my little babies' fat little fingers hung on to you for dear life?

And the styles through the decades, as wild and tumultuous as my emotions...

And later on, before the diagnosis, the different hues and highlights...
Covering grey - Oh how I now miss the grey!

Just yesterday, the look of concern on my little dog’s face, as I pull out clumps of you!




Farewell for now as I let go of you...

When you come back to me I know I will be free of the beast.

I am glad to hear you are still feeling OK.......day 6 for me and it is really taking a toll...Although I do feel a little better than yesterday, I am still very tired.....I just hope it goes better with my second treatment and I have atleast one good week before teatment #2

Hi, guys! I was awakened at 3:00 AM this morning by neighbor dogs barking right outside our bedroom window. I think the neighbor let them out and they chased a cat over to our house. Little yapping pooping machines! (Don't get me wrong - I love dogs but not when they wake me up from a sound sleep!) My hubby got right back to sleep, but I lay awake until almost 7:00. I've lost a couple more friends to this beast . . . or rather my husband's reaction to it. I have a public journal on aol, and he'd posted a comment that would have been taken as nasty by anyone who doesn't know him well. My family read it and responded in the sense it was given - he is frustrated by being a 24/7 caregiver and needs some help. He's not working right now and is frustrated that he's not even free to go job seeking because he has to stick around to help me with personal bathroom-type stuff still (WHEN will I regain full range of motion where I can wipe my own butt???). He's also anxious about our financial situation and wants to be able to contribute financially. He's also battling clinical depression. My family understands. These two so-called friends jumped his case and called him nasty names and then jumped all over me for "enabling" him. And all this on my first day of chemo. Hubs, by the way, told me about his comment he'd written when we were having lunch yesterday and he also explained what he meant. I'd have understood anyway. He wrote it Thursday night - the night after I'd had the port installed - and Thursday was NOT a good day for him at all. He even got flipped off by a Nazarene Church bus driver!!! No kidding!

Anyway, it's day two post-infusion. So far, so good. No nausea. Very little queasiness, and I just attribute that to having an empty tummy and eat a few crackers and drink some ice water and it goes away. I did get the hickups following brunch that hubs made for us and he was scrambling for my "puke pan." But it was only hiccups. Throw-uppy-type nausea doesn't come on me THAT quickly.

My port site is bothering me a little less. I have hydrocodone to take for that. It also helps ease the discomfort in my expanders too. I'm going to have to call my PS on Monday and tell him about the change in my chemo schedule and see if he still wants me to come in Nov. 1. We'd scheduled it then because he thought then would be when my counts would be coming back up. Well, according to my onc., my counts will probably be at the lowest 10 days out. And since I started chemo yesterday, my 10-day checkup is Oct. 31. They said they do the first cycle like that - have you come in 10 days later for bloodwork and an office visit to fine-tune everything. Then from the second cycle on, it's weekly CVC's and bloodwork, office visit and infusion on chemo days. So . . . one down, three more to go!

Day three and all is well. Maybe all of us should plan to hit the chat room around 3AM every day since it seems as though all of us are wandering the house at night! Not sure if I wake up waiting to find out what is next or just wanting to do - something, anything - just do!

Amy, glad to hear you are liking the bald head! And thanks for the great chuckle over the steak! Unbelievable!!!!! I thought of you at the grocery store today - my craving for some strange reason is bread and butter pickles! Can't eat enough of them!

Did buy a blood pressure cuff for home use today. I take high blood pressure pills, but my head has been pounding since chemo on Wednesday. Found the bp to be pretty low - 112/63, so I will watch it this weekend and call the onc's office on Monday if it is still low. That would also be a reason for being tired!

Okay ladies--I did it today. Went to the wig shop and the nice lady shaved my head. My 7-year-old daughter decided to go with me after all and "helped" the lady with the shaving. My husband also came along to entertain daughter when she got bored during the wig styling process.

So, I now have a layer of brown and gray stubble on my head. Hair was coming out in clumps last night and this morning. Last night, I was so down--crying off and on. But, it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not as happy about my bald head as Amy--I really look a lot better with hair--but, I think the anticipation was worse than just getting it over with. I'm not empowered or anything, but have not been crying at all today--well, maybe a little this morning on the way to the wig place ;-)

My wig is a bit itchy, but I've worn it all afternoon. (I got one of those gel headbands which I'll try tomorrow.) Went to visit my husband's sister, brother-in-law and 19 year old niece for niece's birthday this afternoon. The wig is a reddish brunette color which I've been wanting to try (my hair was past shoulder length, dark blonde (from a bottle :-) I think the bangs on the wig are still too long for my taste (they bother my eyes), but will wear it a few days and then go back if I still think they're still too long. I keep thinking that maybe long bangs are good to cover no eyebrows later???
Jane

Hi everyone. Today is day 8 for me and I feel pretty good now except for a serious backache. I got terribly constipated and am now making sure to eat lots of fiber. If the remaining 3 treatments affect me like the 1st I'm gonna get thru this! My head tingles now too, but I do not have any hair coming out yet. I did get the wigs I ordered, but they just don't look right or feel right either for that matter. I hope that they fit better without a head full of hair. I still can't face cutting or shaving my head yet. I am also worried about them falling off or getting blown off in the winter winds. Jane, do the gel headbands hold the wigs in place? I am getting very nervous anticipating the fallout. I just know that no matter how much I think I am prepared for it, I am going to be utterly devastated. MJ-where from Ohio are you? I'm in Navarre,near Canton.

When I was in the hospital for my mastectomies and was on morphine and later hydrocodone, they gave me colace (a stool softener). I think that can one can be bought over the counter. You could probably ask your pharmacist to recommend something.

I just wanted to jump in and tell you I think you women are amazing. I aleady had my treatments, dose dense AC/Taxol.

Reading your posts brought back memories. I love your sense of humor. You gals are going to do just fine.

Also, one of you said that your onc said that the way you feel the first time after chemo is how you'll probably feel with the other ones. I was very nauseous the first AC (not vomiting). However, I wasn't nauseous with the rest of them. I didn't feel well, very fatigued. But that's just my experience.

I came on here because I too have started chemo AGAIN, but this time Xeloda (oral). I thought I'd just check things out and see if anyone else was doing the same drug.

Oh, and I have to mention something my hubby said that was funny. Jaslin is worried about her wig blowing off. I went into a furniture store the other day (still wearing my wig cause my hair is still to short for my fat face), and the sales lady said, "You're hair looks nice." I thanked her. Didn't tell her it was a wig. My hubby said I should've taken it off and handed it to her and said, "Here, you want it." Can't you just see this lady's eyes. Laughed, I did.

Bless you all and good luck with the rest of your treatments.
Shirley

Hey Shirley,

Thanks for the encouragement - helps when someone has been through it to tell us we can make it.

Interested in the Xeloda. Are you taking that in place of Tamoxifen or Arimidex, or in addition to? Or, are you in a trial using Xeloda?

Last night I wore one of my new bandana thingies--a flannel one--to bed, and it was pretty comfy. I wore it around the house this morning until my shower.

The little stubble thingies on my head were really bothering me this morning, so had hubby use his electric razor to shave more off. I am tempted to take a regular razor to it, but since my white blood cell count is low, I don't dare. As I mentioned in my post for Jaslin, I'm using a gel headband under my wig today, and that's helping with the stubble itch.

Funny (or pathetic?) moment: I went to take my evening shower last night and tried to put on my shower cap like I usually do. Oops--don't need that for now

Quote:

---

When I was in the hospital for my mastectomies and was on morphine and later hydrocodone, they gave me colace (a stool softener). I think that can one can be bought over the counter. You could probably ask your pharmacist to recommend something.

---

I had that problem for the week after my first treatment too. Took Dulcolax and then Colace, but it was still difficult. My onc recommended Senokot (over-the-counter, natural vegetable laxative) for next treatment, and I am to start taking it a couple of days ahead of my next Chemo and then 2 the day of my treatment. Then one each day until I don't need it any more.
Jane