July 2010 Rads
Comments
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Hi ladies! My last rad was three weeks ago today. All of a sudden, those sharp pains again! And very, very tender underarm all the way to the bottom of my breast and ribs. Anybody else??? Although I'm sure it's NORMAL
My breast did swell during rads, now smaller than the other. I go around work asking all the girls if they can tell one is smaller than the other! What a hoot - you gotta laugh.
Karen, I pulled out my surgical pathology report again last night and stayed up waaaay too late researching every word. Scared myself half to death. I'm getting worse with this instead of better. Guess I just don't quite know how to handle the cancer yet. We're so busy with doctors and treatments, and then nothing. Just need to find a new normal.
Love and hugs to all, Tracye
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Donna - you bring up a really good point about the 3 day. . .I probably would need a padded room after that. Maybe race for the cure is better. . .I am slow but hopefully I could outrun anyone who tried to make my cry. ;-)
I am still pretty swollen everywhere. I only have 2 fills in my BC breast but the area around my bra straps seems pretty puffy still and gets marks from the bra strap if I wear it a long time. Probably "Normal".
Tracey - I've been getting some sharp pains in my armpit where I had the SNB. I also have some random pains in my breast from time to time. Some things just feel weird too. . .like sneezing feels qutie odd.
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Hi Tracye,
I can relate to scaring yourself half to death. I have had a couple things happen this week that really fed my fears. Last week at work, my eyesight went dim for about two hours. It was like someone had turned the lights down (so much so I had a coworker come check my office to see if there was something wrong with the lighting). I tried telling myself it was just some sort of weird migraine symptom. Then the pain I've had in my leg got MUCH worse this weekend. I took off work today (something I never do), but my oncologist did not have any open appointments. So stupidly, I went to the emergency room. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME! They told me I did not have a DVT (but no ultrasound to actually check for it). The physician's assistant kept telling me I had no risk factors for a DVT and I had to keep telling her I was on Tamoxifen. They did an x-ray and told me my leg was not broken (I never thought it was). When I kept trying to explain to them that I thought it might be mets, they told me it couldn't be because the x-ray was fine (think it takes a bone scan to answer that question). They did NOTHING to check about why I had the episode of dimness, basically telling me it was probably nothing. She ended up saying I probably had shin splints in my right leg. Oh, and I had a fever and they made no comment whatsoever about that.
I think I walked away from the experience realizing not to really on medical professionals who are NOT oncologists to be able to separate out what is a worrisome symptom and what isn't. I have an appointment Wed with the breast surgeon and with the oncologist next week - guess I'll wait until I see someone who knows what they're doing and see what they say about it. I honestly felt like I knew more about cancer symptoms and diagnosis than the ER staff (and maybe by now I actually do).
I still feel FAR away from a new normal. On the bright side, all the stress of this weekend (my transmission on my car went out, also), finally caused me to have the meltdown that's been building for four months. I've spent the better part of the past two days crying, but I think I really needed to do that.
The sharp pains and weird underarm feelings come and go. Some days are fine, some days it hurts like after the surgery. Guess everything is still trying to heal,
Have a nice evening,
Karen
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Hi and happy Monday,
Karen, sorry you had to go to the ER. Always best to err on the side of caution. I've got shin split type pains, but have had them off and on for several years so I've tried to ignore them now that I'm on the T. I could sware they're worse, but I'm sure it's just being hyper-focused on every ache. Haven't experienced the lights dimming, that would be very scary. Hope it doesn't happen again.
Spendy, still getting the armpit pain and shooting pains in the breast off and on, but with no pattern.
Chicago, funny you should mention the weird feelings. Sometimes when I walk or bounce in the car I have a hollow feeling in by BC breast, but on the opposite side of where the lump was. Rad onc said, "oh"...I took that as normal.
Stay clear headed everyone. I have this very positive vibe that we're all going to be better than average....way beyond normal! xoDonna.
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Hi All,
It's been a while since I posted and read everyone else's posts - glad to see we're all getting to the end of the rads.
My DH and I went on a much needed 10 day vacation to Florida and had a lot of fun. Got to re-read the Anti-Cancer book (my chemo brain is finally clearing up and I can remember parts now) and the Rebecca Katz recipe book that complements it. I agree that the food/diet we eat affects our body - the old saying, You are what you eat, rings true to me. I'm working on incorporating more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff into my daily diet, more exercise, more relaxation/less stress, etc.
I also read the Weiss Beyond BC book. There was a caution re tatoos in the book - the metal used in tatoo inks can burn when you have to take an MRI and body scan - the molecules "spin" under the scans. So, the Wonder Woman tatoo I was considering (my first except for the blue ink spots from the radiologist) is on hold.
My skin is almost back to normal now - 6 weeks post rads. Still a darker color than the other side and still some "leathery" spots where I had burns but much, much better.
I'm on daily Femara and seem to be tolerating that well. Used my "lymphodema" prevention sleeve (if you have lymph nodes removed) on the plane rides and that seemed to work well. I'm still more fatiqued than pre-BC and am working on building up endurance. I figure it will take at least as long to "heal" and recover as the treatment took. So, my goal is to be back to feeling better and younger (feel much older right now) by next August.
Hugs to everyone - stay the course and take heart!
Pat
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Good Morning Ladies!
Sounds like we are all dealing with similar issues.
Tracye - my last rad was almost 4 weeks ago (wow! I can't believe it has been that long already.) and I have started having sharp pains ocassionally and am very tender under my arm. As for the path report....I spent many a day and night in July and August researching my report (which was a mess as far as I was concerned. It was so poorly written that I was scared the lab had messed up. Every doc I saw told me how complicated my report/situation was.). Anyway, that report has caused me more stress and tears and depression. I am trying to stay away from it.
Karen - Sorry you have had such a rough time lately. I am appalled at your ER experience. I am sure you needed to have a "good cry". I also think it is "normal" and healthy to hit that point during recovery (I am waiting...). I recently spoke to a 2 year BC survivor and she said when her tx was finally over and the kids went back to school and life slowed down a bit that she spent a week crying almost non-stop. So, I'm thinking this is part of the healing process.
Pat - you said something that I found very helpful. You said that it will take at least as long to heal and recover as the treatment took. I think that is great insight. I have become very frustrated at the fact that I still don't have my energy back. I am trying to be more patient. My journey began in late April and ended 4 months later so I need to give myself at least until January. It is helpful for me to have that perspective. Thank you!
I continue to think about you all a lot. You are a blessing to me.
Hugs, Kim
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On fatigue: I was training for the Seattle-to-Portland so doing quite a bit of cycling. I think it helped me get there sooner, but I have to admit I was dragging despite the activity. The adrenal high did help though.
Then one day, about 3.5 weeks post final rads it was over. I ascribe this to the lavender-chocolate macaroons. We had done an easy Three Rose Gardens tour and stopped at the bakery on the way back. The next day, I had a ton of energy.
Two weeks later, I did the Seattle-to-Portland. I didn't have quite the energy reserves and struggled miles 20-30 each day until I filled my body with energy gels. Then I was fine.
Three weeks after the STP, I woke up one morning and said "it's over".
I was tired yesterday after doing a 60 mile event on Sunday, two-thirds of which was hills. But it was also wet (harder work cycling on wet pavement) and more elevation gain (over 4000') than I have ever done. Butt was protesting too (muscles, not part that contacts seat).
Most of the time....three months after finishing rads.....I feel just great.
Still adjusting to my new look which is evolving. I was in the resale shop on Saturday, and saw some fab items. But not stuff I needed, and since I am not sure what I will be doing work-wise in two months time, not sure what I really do need. So I passed.
So an exciting time as we re-enter life.
p.s. I think one change going forward is that I will take a page out of Mae West's book and use body cream on my breasts. Keeps the skin soft and feels wonderful going on!!!
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Hi Ladies:
I feel for each of us...here we think Radiation is over and we should start to feel better...
Well I'm on the same boat with you girls. This week so tired I can't keep my eyes open, breast has pains all over the place, swollen, and my left elbow hurts like made, really from the underarm to the elbow for some reason. Plus I'm still numb as can be. I really thought I would have started to feel like ME again, I feel I'm going backwards...
Karen-Cry aways, I have also been crying a lot, and ER, shame on them....
Pat-I had three nodes removed, if I fly do I have to get this sleeve everyone speaks about????
Ok, ladies off to the denist I go, then home to rest. Have a great day!!!!
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p.s. I'm sure when I call the Dr. he will say Julie, this is all "NORMAL"...LOL Jim my husband the other day said the word "NORMAL" I told him its like the 4 letter words and not to use it in the house..LOL
Also I have noticed that when I type a lot my left arm will start to hurt more and more, everyday when I wake up I feel a different pain this week....:(
Hugs to all Julie
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Hi everyone. It's been a while getting back into the swing of things and enjoying the little time I have while my kids are in school
Just trying to stay busy and off the computer, otherwise I know I will start googling everything about bc and drive myself crazy. It's nice to read everyone's post and keeping in touch. It helps just knowing that you guys are still out there. Pat - glad you had a nice vacation. that's something that i missed a lot and wasn't able to do it this summer with the kids. it's funny that my lumpectomy was on the monday right after they got out of school for summer vacation and finished rads the friday right before they went back to school. the kids were bummed but i hope i can make it up to them next year.
brenda/chicago - i'm thinking about doing a run in oct, but not sure. glad that you are
i just don't have the energy yet...hoping that'll come back soon.tracye - hope all goes well with the biopsy. i hope it comes back 'normal'.
kickon2it - my appt with my breast surgeon is not until next month so it's nice just to recover from rads first before taking the 't' pill. my friend is taking it now and she's fine on it just some minor hot flashes but aside from that, she's fine. i'm hoping that i won't have any problems but i do know that i have major pms symptoms 2 weeks before my period and hope it won't get worse when i go on the pill.
sonia - hope you have a good trip to SD. I'm out here in Los Angeles and the weather's been very nice. it's typically cooler in SD
have fun with your kids.karen - sorry to hear about your trip to the ER, how frustrating. I also have calcifications in my good breast and the breast surgeon and rads onco didn't seemed too concerned. It's constantly on my mind about reoccurance in my good one. a bit frustrating not to know what the scans means and what the future brings.
i'm still peeling and there's one spot that's peeled twice. my rad boob is still really dark, some parts hard and swollen. I'm hoping that it'll go down a bit but not too much. I also have a pain at my incision of my lymph nodes. it started about 2 days go where i have a sharp pain when i sleep. I keep feeling it thinking that the incision opened or something, but nothing. my follow up is not until oct but if the pain continues, i may call them to go in earlier...but i already know what they're going to say...it's normal...you're fine...you're body went through a lot...blah blah blah.
sorry it's long, but one last note...julie - yikes about the rads bills. I'm still waiting for mine to show up. i've been getting the 'preliminary' we're billing your insurance co letter, but nothing yet. I'm holding my breath about that one....not looking forward to that bill either. by the way...I didn't have a pet scan since my lymph nodes were not involved, but did get a bone scan when i was dx. just to make sure at that point it didn't travel. but i think it's a good idea to get a bone scan just for a base line.
have a nice day everyone.
Patty -
Karen, I'm so sorry about your week, but glad that you finally got to cry. Mine is still in there somewhere and it really needs to come out. You are so right about doctors. We are not the every-day run of the mill patient. We really need to be treated by oncs, especially so soon after dx. How's the leg?
Kim, gosh you sound like me with the path report.
I'm having more breast pain today than I did last week! It's really bothering me! Regarding path reports, do you all have many other things going on in the tissue they biopsied? I had six different pieces taken out and they all have multiple benign processes going on. Isn't that scary? Some things that can turn into cancer. Makes me think the rest of my breast and the other one probably has all that same stuff, is it a waiting game till something develops or am I being totally paranoid?
I too thought we would be farther along as far as feeling better than we are. But - it's a little better each day. One more question - do you refer to yourself as a cancer patient, a survivor, a person who had cancer?? Sometimes I have a hard time answering that one. Most of the time I say a cancer patient.
Sorry to run on so much. I am sooooo thankful you all are here and to have you to share with.
Love and hugs, Tracye
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Hi Tracye,
I'm still referring to myself as a cancer patient - I just don't feel ready yet to say "survivor" or "had cancer." I still need some reassurance from my oncologist that there is no cancer left lurking - I plan on pestering him for a bone scan. Also, I've now had 3 colds since finishing radiation. I get better and then I catch another one - I usually only catch one a year. I guess radiation just did a number on my immune system. It's hard for me to use the past tense when I still FEEL sick. I felt okay the first week after rads, and then I caught a stupid cold, and it seems like I just keep getting sick.
I have not looked at my pathology report in awhile. Don't think I want to, either. I have myself worried enough as it is!
Take care,
Karen
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Hi All,
Julie - I was told to "prevent" lymphodema I should take some precautions - one of them is to wear a sleeve when flying. So, I purchased mine online that is a one piece that includes the "guantlet" which is the hand piece. My sleeve goes from the base of my fingers to my shoulder. I went to a medical supply place first to get measured and see what they had in stock and then used that knowledge to purchase online where it was MUCH cheaper - around $60. If you are gonna fly anywhere, I'd encourage you to purchase one as well.
Spendygirl - I don't feel like a survivor either. Survivor to me means you've been through it and came out the other end. I don't see the end in this. I've survived chemo and radiation, So I'm a treatment survivor but not a BC survivor....yet. I figure I'll be a "BC survivor" when I'm on my deathbed dying from something else. I've been searching the last couple weeks for the right word for how I feel - it's not patient, it's not survivor....it's more like doing the BC Lifestyle. So, I'm a Cancer Lifer. Yes, that's it - sentenced to life worrying about cancer!
Oh brother,
Pat
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Good Morning!
Boy, that word "normal" will never be the same for us, will it? Every time I hear it or say it, I notice the word and have a little chuckle. It is kind of like an inside joke. Yes, Julie, it does seem like a four letter word.
Tracye, I had a MX but I still worry about a recurrence since my margins weren't clear and since there is still breast tissue there. Unfortunately I don't think there is any getting around the concern for any of us. I am hugely worried about my other breast and very frustrated that it won't be followed closely. I get very angry if I think about it too much. These insurance companies are stupid sometimes!
Karen, sorry you are getting sick so much. Colds are miserable. Everything we have been through really takes a toll on our immune systems.
Good question about what to call ourselves. I am out and about more and am seeing people I haven't seen since dx'd and they ask me questions I don't really know how to answer. They don't understand that BC isn't "cured". One woman I spoke with last night had bladder cancer last year. She had surgery, they got all the cancer and now it is over for her. She wasn't getting it that I can't say I'm "cured". I think that we are supposed to consider ourselves survivors now but like you all I don't feel like I survivor. Like Pat said, we survived treatment but we don't really know if we have survived BC. I like your "Cancer Lifestyle" and "Cancer Lifer" terms. The other thing I struggle with, when I am at a doctor giving a health history (have been a few times recently for things unrelated to cancer) is whether to say "I HAVE cancer" or that "I HAD cancer". I guess I will ask the onc these questions when I see here next. I will see my surgeon for my first real follow up in November - I'll be getting a chest xray and blood work then - I wonder if I will feel like the cancer is gone after those tests (assuming they are fine). I am going to lunch with a group I belong to this afternoon and I dread the questions.
Have a nice day and hang in there!
Kim
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Hi Tracye - I have a hard time answering that one. If I were talking to a doctor (or like the girl drawing my blood last week) I say "I have a history of BC". I guess I can start changing to the past tense now. . .probably will feel better using "had" when I finish my recon and feel more "done".
Like many of you I've seen my rads bills come through and my jaw dropped! The scans I had early on were expensive but radiation when it is all said and done is the most expensive thing I've done so far I think. I'd bet it is over $150K when all is said and done. Thank god for insurance is all I can say.
Yesterday was my 31st birthday. I feel like everything is coming full circle for me right now because my lump was found just before my 30th birthday last year and I was eventually diagnosed just before Thanksgiving. I kind of want a re-do on 30 since I spent most of it on chemo/recovering from surgery/getting rads etc. I keep telling my husband 31 is the new 30. J
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Chicago - HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am sorry you had a rough start to your"30's". I like your idea of 31 being the new 30! I don't blame you for wanting a re-do.
Here is something to make you laugh (at least I find it funny for some reason). Twice now I have had people (these are individuals that new of my cancer but I hadn't seen during the whole process) ask about my radiation and then suddenly exclaim (loud and surprised) "You didn't lose your hair from the radiation!" It makes me chuckle I guess because I think of those sci-fi movies of nuclear holocausts where people get radiation poisoning. Anyway, I end up telling them that I did lose my hair - in my armpit!
This afternoon I had a woman say something that I did find annoying. I was at a luncheon and for some reason I mentioned that I spent the summer undergoing tx for BC. THe woman next to me goes on to say that she had both of her breasts REMOVED about 15 years ago. As I was about to ask if she had a family history she goes on to tell me that she had very large breasts and that she had a cyst removed and at the same time had a breast REDUCTION. Sorry, but a reduction just isn't the same as having your entire breast cut off.
I guess I am more sensitive than I thought because that comment p****ed me off. Oh well.
Kim
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Hi all,
Pat - I like the "cancer lifer" phrase - accurately describes it. There is an interesting thread on here about whether to use the phrase "cured', "in remission", or NED. It elicited some strong responses. When somebody point blank asks, I use it as an opportunity to educate them - I think most people really don't understand that there is not a "cure" for breast cancer.
Chicago - Happy 31st birthday! Here's hoping that this year goes much better for you. You're right, you should get a "do-over" of 30.
Kim - what a stupid comment that woman made - you should have looked at her seriously and said, "Oh, did your breasts try to kill you, too?"
I met with the surgeon today. He was not pleased at the poor care at the ER, and he ordered an ultrasound (to rule-out a DVT), and a bone scan (to rule-out mets). He was both reassuring and concerned. He told me my prognosis was still excellent, but that they need to find out why I keep getting sick (running a fever all week) and am in pain (I've also lost my appetite - that's been an issue for weeks). The tests are Friday. He also scheduled my mammogram for two months out - on BOTH breasts! When I asked whether it would be on both, he looked at me like it was a crazy question and said, "of course".
Hugs to all,
Karen
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Karen,
I love your come back for what the woman said to me!
I'm glad your surgeon is taking your health issues seriously. Let us know how it goes on Friday. I will be thinking about you. It is great that you are getting a mammo of both breasts. It certainly makes sense to me.
Hope you feel better soon! Kim
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Chicago-HAPPY BIRTHDAY...Hope you had a great day
Karen-Glad you are getting those tests done, better to play safe. I hope all is AOK
I want something done about this neck and left arm pain its awful, not sure what is up, I really want a bone scan, and will DEMAND one when I see him...:)
Kim-Yes NORMAL is a new 4 letter word, I hate that word, for 7 weeks everyday that is all I was told "NORMAL"....I have to see my rad onco on Monday for my two week check-up, I'm going to ask him about this pain in my neck and left arm, I will bet 1 million dollars he will say "GO SEE YOUR GP, I"M SURE THIS IS NORMAL" at that point I will not step foot back in his door...
I don't get the fact that only a mammo on one breast, hell we have two not one. I am going to ask if this were a man would you only x-ray only one testicle???
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Wow, a lot to catch up. I too have been feeling pretty down. Our gloomy cold weather hasn't helped but the sun was out today and it didn't help much.
I too feel that the big cry must need to get out. I think because I look okay people don't know or forget it, and then I start to feel a bit overwhelmed. I went for a massage today as they seem to help, and the massage therapist said I was just vibrating, did I need to consider if I was doing too much, yet I don't think I am physically, I think it is all the emotions. I still feel more of an observor than a participant, this detached feeling is really weird. Maybe I still need time to process. So I like the idea of giving yourself that time.
I am wanting to do a mindfulness meditation course and Yoga which is supposed to be very good, they mentioned it in Anticancer, but I don't know if I have the energy to fit it in, I find I just want to escape. I told my husband I would just like to take our trailer and head south. I guess because radiation took most of the summer and we haven't had much good weather, that I still feel like escaping. My husband who has done a lot of peer support after crisis, says it is perfectly normal response, there is that word again, LOL.
I couldn't believe the ER treatment, YIkes, or the women with the reduction, Give me a Break!!!
I also don't consider myself a survivor yet, I feel in limbo, for the run, survivor's get a special shirt, when someone asked I just said I hope so.
Oh and I loved a piece on the news about a Norwegian studey on Mammograms not really saving very many women and maybe exposing some to unnecessary surgery and radiation for a cancer that may disappear on its own. Gee I really loved that, maybe this was all not necessary. HOW can they say things like that????
Thanks again for being there,
Brenda
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Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!
Kim - I got a lot of people saying the same thing about my hair with Rads too. I guess I wasn't all that well informed about which was which either. And can I also add that I am horrified that someone compared a breast reduction to a mast. Not even in the same family.
Karen - so happy you are having your scans this week to put your mind at ease. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you on Friday. To hell with those Dr's in the ER. . .talk about useless! When you said you're having a mammo of both breasts - did you have a mastectomy or lumpectomy? Sorry if you've said this already and I am being forgetful. Just wondered if they DID have a way to mammo the mastectomy breast that I should be harassing someone about.
Brenda - I've started doing yoga and I have to admit I have really found it helps me. I used to be of the mindset that if I wasn't burning calories or sweating it was a waste of my time but I have to say the calm I get lingers way past the class when it is over. I didn't think I'd be able to shut down my brain to disconnect but I've really started to get into the whole zen mindset. I only go once a week so the progress has been slow but little by little I am improving. If you don't want to spend any cash but give it a try you can download yoga podcasts for free on iTunes.
Oh. . .and I think I had a copy of that Norwegian study, I would invite someone to use it for paper in the facilities. . .because that is what it is good for. J Night night for now!
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Hi all, nice to catch up on your posts.
Happy Birthday, Chicago. You've earned a re-do! Celebrate big.
Karen, glad you're getting the tests, and having them done quickly. I'll be thinking about you and hope you're feeling better soon.
Kim, cracking up on the hair comments. I've had people ask me if there is a difference between Chemo and Rads. One of them asked if I would have to color my hair after it grows back because they heard it would come back white! I didn't even want to get in to it with her that I wasn't going through chemo.
Note to self, don't go to Norway for treatment...or non-treatment. I have to say that I've spent some time daydreaming that it was really just nothing and will just all go away.
Sonia, are you back? We want to hear all about your trip.
Pat, I like the cancer lifer phrase, it really fits our situation. Karen, what does NED mean? I've responded, I'm in treatment for BC. Which is true for the next 4 years and 11 months of T anyway. Not ready to call myself a survivor yet.
Take care. Hope you all stay well. Donna.
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Morning Ladies:
I feel the same way, I'm not sure what to say about my BC....I don't feel I survied yet, cured, nope, all I know is I survived radiation. I guessin 5 years I will say I'm a surviver.
I get the same thing, you "LOOK GREAT" ya well inside I don't feel so great and that is what I say. Between the left arm pain and neck pain, burning breast, etc I feel 99 not 51 and that is what I tell people, I don't hold back...:)
Karen-I'm praying all tests are OK, please let us know asap.
Chicago-Was just thinking about Yoga the other day, glad you posted this. Will have to try this out.
I think my mind is out of control, every ache I feel I think "CRAP ITS BACK" I try hard not to think this way, but BC changed my way of thinking. Like with this pain in the arm and neck, I'm think "IT went to my bones", I have to stop this....But its hard....
Jim and I leave next week for 3 days to the bed and breakfast can't wait to re-connect with my husband. Bought some new outfits, etc, hopefully he will like them...LOL
I decided to hold off on getting a full time job until the 1st of the year if I can, my body feels so beat up and I'm so tired lately, I was told that this could happen after Rad stops, anyone else have this problem????? So I will keep working my 1.5 hours per day....But then I also see my mom each day at the nursing home for a few hours, that is a job in itself...
Ok, time for coffee and laundry. Have a wonderful day Ladies.
p.s. I start my pill Oct 6th..:(
Hugs
Julie
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OMG-I was told today that the Rad Dr. was in-network but the center was not. As of today they are saying I owe over 11,000 in bills...I was told to write a hardship letter...Anyone else have this problem????? I'm sick just sick over this...
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Ok after 3 hours on the phone I guess the Center is going to re-bill under the dr's name. I still don't get if the Dr is on my insurance why the center would not be. What was I suppost to do, have them rad. me in the parking lot....hummmmmmmmmmmmm
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OMG! I would have gone balistic! I am sorry you had to deal with that but am glad you got it straightened out. It is maddening that they don't tell us before hand that they are not in-network. I know we should ask but we kind of have a lot on our minds!
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Hi ladies - I've only received the rad bill for July, which was only 1/2 month, $36,000 so far. It's so mindblowing I can't even acknowledge it.
Had a uterine ultrasound yesterday, received a call today that I have an endometrial polyp and a 3cm hemmorhagic ovarian cyst. Most of the time those are benign conditions, but I don't think I will ever accept benign as a first answer again after being told since 2007 this huge lump in my breast was nothing concerning. So...trying not to freak out, so far so good. Biopsy on Thursday. I have a question for all of you - I plan to ask for the radiology report and pathology from the biopsy. If everything is benign, would you forward it to your onc anyway? I'm just so afraid of what could be.....this may just be the thing to trigger that 4 month cry that's been building up!
Very tired the past two days. I didn't miss any time from work during rads and I left at lunch today to come home and sleep!
Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks so much. Hugs to all.
OH....I visited a very dear friend yesterday who has entered the last phase of her fight with this effing disease. She didn't even know who I was, it was heartbreaking. She looks so frail. Forgot to mention that.
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Hi all,
Thanks for your support about the bonescan tomorrow. I am a bit nervous, but also glad to have it done. I think I've reached the point that the DREAD of mets may be getting worse than dealing with reality.
Julie - I agree, you should demand a bonescan. If your doctor is good, though, you probably won't have to fuss too much to get it. I was all prepared to have to argue my point and I didn't at all - he agreed with me. It's hard to know which "aches" we're supposed to worry about and which ones we can ignore! I LOVED your comment about testicles - too true! Have a great time at the Bed and Breakfast
Brenda - I can relate to feeling like more of an observer than a participant. I feel like I put on a facade to get through my work day, and I'm so worn out from doing so that I just kind of crash when I come home. I'm not socializing much - just shut myself in my house, put on comfy clothes, and do Sudoku puzzles. Right now, I think it's what I need to do to heal. I agree that yoga would be helpful. I used to take yoga classes regularly, and particularly liked Restorative Yoga.
Chicago - I had a lumpectomy. It was the one easy part of this whole process. The surgeon did a GREAT job (as he tells me himself, whenever he sees me!) If it weren't for the scars you would really not be able to tell that I had a chunk cut out (there is a slight outward turn to my nipple now, but nothing really obvious).
Donna - NED stands for "no evidence of disease". Not as comforting a phrase as "cured" unfortunately.
Tracye - UGGHHH - I'm so sorry about the cyst and polyp - it's hard after what we've been through to assume that anything is okay. My friends keep trying to assure me that my cancer has NOT metastasized. I have one coworker who has survived prostate cancer - when I told him I was having a bonescan, he immediately gave me a hug and told me to let him know if he needed anything. It was very comforting because he GOT IT, without me having to explain it to him - he understands what a stage IV diagnosis means and how frightening it is to have to go through these tests, not knowing what the outcome is going to be. I'll be sending you positive thoughts for your biopsy. I think you should forward the results to your oncologist - the more informed he/she is, the better care they can provide. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend - this is just such a nasty disease.
I'm so glad you all have become my friends, even if we never meet in person! It helps SOOO much to have you there,
Karen
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Wow - just saw there is an October 2010 Rads group - almost makes me feel like we might actually be moving forward!
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I just wrote paragraphs of comments to each of you, an update and review of my weekend. It has just disappeared. Not frustrated at all
. It may have happened because in it I threatened to terminate my father by suffocation while he sleeps (he is here visiting me) and as a result my karmic penance is to have to start over. My 87 year old dad is perhaps the orneriest, healthiest and grumpiest human being on earth and he just spent the evening revelling in how he drank(alcoholic) his whole life, over ate, smoked three pack of cigarettes a day for years and somehow has managed to outlive everyone and now he has to be a pallbearer at everyone's funeral. If I don't suffocate him by Monday I may very well loose my mind. My weekend was awesome, my daughter's are both lovely, generous, sweet and funny. They entertained and cared for me all weekend and I was able to forget cancer - though of late I feel like I am in some kind of fog. It's the strangest feeling - it feels a bit surreal almost like I'm floating through my life - I feel disconnected, almost like I am outside my body watching me live.
I am really sorry for all of you and all you are going through right now and what you have gone through to find yourself here on the cancer path with me. I wish this hadn't happened to any of us. On days like today I wonder if I will die and my dad will out live me too. I wish I could leave this all behind and go back to the life I used to have. It's strange how joy is different now. Everything is different now and I feel as though the before Sonia is AWOL and all that's left is this weird feelingless Sonia. I don't feel like much of a survivor - certainly don't feel like I'm cured - mostly I just feel numb - both inside and ironically out. I am accident prone, forgetful and feel as though I've become my children's kid they have to feel sorry for, take care of and worry about. I will try for more positivity tomorrow.
S
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