Starting Chemo April 2009

Lena, you crack me up. I bet you're fun at a party. Work is really busy so I haven't had much time to check up on all of you. Hopefully I'll check in again in a couple of days when I have more time to visit. Hope everyone is doing well.

Back home safe. Had a great trip. Wore the sleeve on the plane - no problem.

More later. Just wanted you to know I made it. And had a great time!

Amy

I watched the video Judy.

Yes..that is why we do what we do...for our kids, our family, our friends (You guys)..!  None of us are alone...

On a different note but the same vein..are you guys taking your D3...Mother Titan wants to know..

I didn't want to depress anyone, but it just had such an impact on me that I wanted to share it with you.

I think the message is a good thing, although it is sometimes hard to find the strength and courage to carry on and there will always be days when we want to give up, but I know that when I have had those days, I have come here and you have all helped me through!

And, yes, I am taking my D3 - thank you for asking.

I am feeling very tired at the moment, I had big plans to call the family together this week and talk about how we need to share the load at home, but it hasn't happened yet. I am feeling very overwhelmed lately and wish that I was more able to delegate and do less at home. I hope to do it over the weekend.

Apart from that, I am doing ok. Finding this very hot weather very oppressive though

Hope you are all ok and have a wonderful weekend!

Hugs to you all, Judy x

Titan - LOL! You are so right though. In everything you say. Thank you for understanding. I hope that when I get down to some strategies with my therapist that I will be able to handle things better. It is so good for me to be able to come here and share with you all. And yes, I am so not one to chill

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Alaina - how are you doing?

Hugs to you all, Judy xxx

Hey everyone!  Physically, I'm doing just fine.  Got follow-ups in the next few weeks, but so far, things look and feel good.  My range of motion is shot on my left arm, but it was never that great after the Mx last summer, so I start physical therapy yet AGAIN.

Emotionally, I'm just drained.  My best friend lost her sister last week, and the funeral is this Tuesday.  She was only 47, and we're not sure why she died.  She is the 3rd young person who was basically healthy who just died this year.  In January it was my friend Courtney (29 years old), who died shortly after giving birth to her first child.  Then in April, my friend Darryl (36 years old) was killed in a motorcycle accident.  And now Karen.  I don't even attempt to explain or understand at this point, I really don't. 

So that's why I've been a bit MIA.  Just trying to recover on all levels.  But at the end of the day, I'm still alive, and after this year, that's something to be grateful for.

Cherish every moment folks.  Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Alaina

Hi all...

OMG, Alaina! All those deaths -- you must feel awful! I'm so sorry. Please accept my deepest condolences. :-( I hope you can feel better (BOTH emotionally and physically) soon.

Betsy -- Good to hear your house is shaping up and that you're back in your own kitchen. That must be such a relief, huh? As for the dust, my eyesight is so shitty dust has to be practically knee deep before I notice it even....oh, and yeah, guess I WAS a handful sort of. Probably why my parents usually didn't seem to want to be bothered with me, cause if they had, maybe they'd have thought twice about letting me live. LOL

Titan -- well OK then -- if you LIKE to "baby" your kids, different strokes for different folks I guess. It's just that in my POV it looks like you're being exploited/taken advantage of for your good nature. Y'know, I guess I really just ought to shut my mouth totally on this subject when any of you talk about your kids because I never went there and haven't the foggiest clue about childhood other than my own (and it's a real toss up on whether I'd wish my childhood or breast cancer on someone whose guts I really hated THAT much). So, I apologize, and from now on, no comments from me about anything to do with your kids.

Helen -- LOL but I don't go to parties...or throw them...hope work is going OK for you and that you're feeling as well as you can both physically and emotionally.

Geri -- OMG yes the damn AIs made me overemotional/depressed/crying all the time....that's why I have to take an antidepressant just to tolerate them. I think the depression from it is even worse than the joint pain, neuropathy and continuing hot flashes, because being on the antidepressant makes me (slightly) able to tolerate the rest of it even though I still have to complain about it just to blow off steam. Well, hope you're enjoying being so busy.... write when you have time and are in the mood to, don't worry if you're not. We'll wait.

Amy -- glad you enjoyed your trip. :-)

Judy -- At a couple of the other forums I'm on, sometimes members post up links to YouTube videos. After I got DSL I started popping them and watching, and after a few weeks or so, learned not to do it anymore because with rare exceptions, I found these videos everything ranging from stupid to boring to offensive to so depressing it ruined a rare GOOD mood. Looks like I'm going to have to extend my "no more watching YouTubes from forums" rule to here, too. I am upset easily enough and don't need to see stuff like this to make it worse.   And if YOU are having issues with feeling sad, why did you post something like this? Oh never mind, that's a rhetorical question, no need to actually answer it. Well, I hope you climb out of it....

OK...this is it, going into the last stretch before Moving Day (Sat Oct. 2), and now I'm a worse wreck than ever....Kym backed out last minute leaving us with nobody to help on the NJ end. We need someone to help my Pack Rat carry the furniture -- bed, dresser, dresser mirror, computer desk an file cabinet -- down all the stairs from this apartment so it can be put  on the truck -- she and her husband were going to come up and her husband and my Pack Rat would do the big bulky heavy stuff while me and Kym would do the lighter stuff (boxes to go in my car). BUT... 2 nights ago on the phone, IIMO she went totally irrational actually and doesn't make much sense.

 She's "insulted" because we don't have the time or wherewithal to socialize over the moving weekend (and I can't afford to put them up in a motel) -- she wanted them (her, her hubby and their foster kid, a teenage girl) to follow us up to NH so they could "see the new place" and "hang out" like it was going to be a mini-vacation of sorts. Well truth of the matter is this: me and my Pack Rat were striving to have the truck and my car all loaded up in time to be able to get out of here at noon in hopes of an ETA in NH around 6-7 PM or so (if we're lucky: there's this stupid Big E thing going on in Springfield MA or thereabouts which will likely stick us in an awful traffic jam so who knows what time we'll actually get there?)..... and in any case, even if we DID get there 6-7 PM we're going to be exhausted, we'll just wanna go eat and go back to the Pack Rat nest to relax and SLEEP. I know I've told you about his nest, he has no place for house guests, no bed no extra room no nothing, just me on occasion and I sleep in his bed with him. The unpacking at the new apt is actually scheduled for Sunday Oct 3rd -- his cousins are going to meet us there and help, and we're all going to be busy as sin -- no time to do anything fun or show anyone around or do any entertaining. Well there was apparently no way to tell her this nicely and she got mad. Now here's the irrational part of it:

She and her husband have serious financial problems of their own -- he got laid off again last week, she still works but is starting a new job with her company -- on the 4th of October. And NOW is the time for them to go on an impromptu "vacation" which they can't really afford, consisting of a 6-8 hour drive, sleeping in an expensive motel by themselves, and the only people they know in NH aren't going to be able to hang out with them, and then they got that 6-8 hour drive back to NJ which they HAVE to do Sunday so she can go to work on Monday?!  Huh? WTF? Like what IS this?! Oh well......but in the meantime I am still moving and need to get someone to help my Pack Rat carry my furniture down all those stairs.

The guy who runs the boathouse at the park I go for my walks in has some strong young fellows working for him, so yesterday I asked him if any of them would be interested in making $100 for approximately 2 or 2 1/2 hours of work next Saturday morning. He found me one, introduced us (his name is Michael), and we agreed that he'll be here at 9 AM Saturday morning, he'll help my Pack Rat lug the stuff down the stairs, then I'll pay him $100 in cash. He seems a really nice kid, smart, willing to work, speaks English (a miracle around here) but it kinda bothers me he's got no phone. I gave him my phone number and asked him to call me to  confirm the day before. I just hope it works out and he calls/shows up on time (yeah I gave him my address too and said 9 AM Sat Oct 2).

I keep telling myself, this time next week I'll be outta here and in NH.....but I'm STILL a nervous wreck.

Well, catch you all next time.....be well and have fun....

~Lena. 

Judy, your YouTube didn't offend me  (OTHER people's posted YouTubes did but that's on other forums --rather, it depressed me and made me cry. Very different from feeling offended, really. I guess after having spent most of the past year and a half depressed and crying, I've had enough already. Plus my stress/fear level is rising I can feel it going up and up on a hourly/daily basis and maybe I snapped at you because I'm falling apart at this point (about to pack the last of the last, not REALLY knowing that young guy I hired to help with loading the truck on Sat morning and scared to death he doesn't show up) -- so if I'm snappish, and I don't doubt that I am, I apologize.

Okay, and with that in mind, I think it'd be best if I wait till I'm moved in and semi-settled before I post again. Maybe by that time I'll have calmed down.

All of you be as healthy and happy as you can.

~Lena. 

Just wanr to say hi and that I am reading daily and writing when I can.  Right now I am trying hard to adjust to returning to full time and having a bit of a challenge and feeling exhausted every day.

Lena - your posts do sound like you are rightfully anxious about the upcoming move, but I think everyone feels like that-it's such a big step.   Hopefully, the guy will show up to help and you and Pack Rat will be off to N.H. without a hitch - fingers crossed that all goes well.

Judy - Hard to imagine you bad tempered. 

Alaina - Glad to hear you are physically on the mend, and sorry about the loss of those you care about.  It is so hard to understand when things like that happen.

Titan, Helen, Betsy, Amy - Hope you are all doing well.

Geri

Hi everyone!  Just checking in..we are getting ready to go to the beach!  Can't wait..so excited..last year I was sooo tired...I told my DH I'm going to be a little more energetic this year...!  At least I won't have to put a towel over my boob this time to protect it from the sun..I also won't be wearing a wig! Yay!  I plan on running on the beach, fishing, swimming if the ocean isn't too cold and eating and drinking ALOT!   Oh yeah, I will sleep some too..what's vacation if you can't sleep in and take a nap now and then?

Lena..heck yes you can tell us how you feel!  The rest of us certainly do...I know that I baby my kids..and my dh...and yeah..I could change it put I probably won't...I feel like I'm finally being a mom and wife again..it has taken along time to get to this point..I bought my daughter some Vit D3 to take...I hope she takes it!  I miss my kids when they are at school...but then it is weird when they come home...My BC came along just when there were so many changes in my life.. sometimes it is just a struggle for all of us...

Lena..really enjoy hearing about your move...some people are just so insenstive aren't they?  

Don't know how you all feel about "pink month"..but I went to the store today and everything is pink..even bottled water!   I looked closely at the water and the company will donate 10 cents for every 24 pack sold....that's all...I'm thinking they should donate more than that..geesh...10 cents.....

Hi all, just passing through quickly today. Titan - have a great vacation, we look forward to hearing all about it when you get back. It sounds perfect - where will you be going to?

Lena - hope all the plans are going well for you. Please come by and let us know how you are.

I have mixed feelings about pink month. I feel very conscious of it, as if everyone is looking at me in the stores, but they don't know that I am a BC survivor - just my own insecurities I suppose. Last year, the kids all wanted pink goods as they felt they were doing something to help me, which I thought was very touching. I have not been out yet today, but I will see how I feel when I see all the pink in the stores over the next few days.

Sending you all hugs for a great weekend ahead, Judy xxx

I saw pink duct tape today...*ugh!*

HI all,

Just online during half time of the Ducks/Stanford football game. It's been wild but fun to watch.

We just returned from a trip to the Redwoods in northern CA. Those trees are just AMAZING they are gigantic. We went down the southern Oregon coast (rugged and beautiful) and stayed in Cresent City, CA for two days. Then came back up through central Oregon. We stayed at the Oregon Caves...I didn't think I would like walking into a mountain that has had a history of earthquakes...but it was really cool. We stayed at an old lodge there, it was suppose to be haunted. I didn't sleep well but I think it wasn't the ghost, it was hormones. Anyway, we had a wonderful time on our trip home. Stopped by several vineyards up the Willamette Valley.

Lena...warning...moving in is harder than packing up. Packing you don't have to think, moving back in is cleaning and thinking. My brain had trouble, I think I've moved my spices at least three times and now I think they need to be moved back to the first location. OMG...LOL. But...I do love my kitchen. You are all welcome to stay if you ever make it to Oregon. My house will be called R&B's B&B. Surely it must be on someone's bucket list. I now have a good five day road trip to share too.  

Monday I head back to work after a two week vacation. I'm not ready but this kitchen remodel ended up costing way more than we anticipated so damn...guess it's back to the grind stone.

Hope everyone is doing well and the rains/flooding haven't impacted you.

Betsy

Lena - I'm SO hoping the guy showed up yesterday and you are now happily unpacking in New Hampshire - let us know how you're doing as soon as you get settled.

Betsy - the vacation does sound really great.  I could use one of those!

"pink hugs" to everyone "ughhhh, pink is on everything!

Geri

ps - thinking of you all

Geri - so good to hear from you. How is your full time schedule going at work?

Lena - hope that you are ok and that the move went smoothly for you. Please come by and let us know how you are.

Amy - What a story about the guy's mother! Whenever I hear of anyone just starting out on a Cancer related journey, I am also always relieved that I am past that stage. It was just so horrible.

I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw pink Tic Tacs!!! I am finding the reminders unsettling this year. But, on the other hand, more awareness and more funds will hopefully help women who may suffer this disease in the future. I try to keep that at the forefront of my mind and although I may not need to be made aware, thankfully, there are still some out there who do.

Thinking of everyone, and hugs to everyone, Judy x