I am sure you have not read as strange as this post

We all felt as you feel. Even going into the surgery I questioned my decision. But - what I did was picture my 2 year old granddaughter's life without me in it. It was a no-brainer. It wasn't fair to have her live her life without the love I could give her. Is there someone in your life that you can do this with?

Heather - I love your mistake of saying two tears ago rather than two years ago. It's perfect

thanks for pointing out the two tears--so how ironic.  heather

If you've tried pyschologists before, maybe it's time to change it up a bit.  A hypnotherapist might do the trick.  I started seeing one six months ago to get through the anxiety and depression of all the stuff I had going on in my life (bc and more!).  I can't tell you how much it's helped and how much I've changed.  I just wish I had found one sooner and maybe I wouldn't have had to go through bc at all.  And I don't have to talk, I just sit and listen to suggestions about health, healing, letting go, etc.  It's not scary or weird or like the hypnotists you see on tv or at comedy shows - those are not hypnotherapists.  All it is is being in a super relaxed state, somewhere between being awake and asleep, and at that point the therapist can give you suggestions and gradually you'll see your anxiety  disappear.  Some insurance plans cover it too, though it sounds like it would be worth looking into no matter the cost.  Hope you find something that works for you soon!

Polyana ~ Have you ever tried any guided imagery? One of my SILs had sent me the CD for surgery from the resource below, and it worked so well that I then bought the one for chemo, which also worked great.  Both really helped me to overcome some very powerful fears and see both treatment steps in a much more positive light.  I just thought they might help you, too.  http://www.healthjourneys.com/

When it comes to finding a competent counselor, I would think someone who deals with breast cancer patients might be a logical place to start -- rather than a general psychologist.  That type of counselor will be able to talk to you in terms of the specific tx you need, rather than in a broad, general way, and if they're affiliated with your breast tx center, they could be there for you when you need them most, like on surgery day.  Just another idea...    Deanna 

I am so glad there is a forum discussing mental health issues.  This is my first post and it's the first place I went to.  I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, chronic Depersonalization (feelings of unreality), panic, and depression since childhood (dysfunctional family as well), I'm now 51.  I have had a mastectomy and that was devastating enough. 

Now I read and hear how chemo and even Tamoxifen can exacerbate all of my psych symptoms.  I am honestly more concerned about my mental health at this point than I am of the cancer -- which may sound wild, but it's true.

I had an Oncotype Dx on the tumor which will help me decide if chemo is unncecesary or if it is mandatory, and then there is that "middle ground."  This will happen 9/16/10.  In the meantime I have ... I HATE to say this ... stress related IBS that developed just a week ago.  I ask myself, how in the world will I handle all this other stuff.

I'm glad I can vent here.  I am on 3 psych meds, all of which the oncologist said I could stay on during chemo thank God.

Meantime I wonder where I can find other individuals with mental illness of ALL types ... I'll have to search the forums ... who also have cancer.  Never in my LIFE would I have anticipated this challenge.

Thank you, all of you, and for making me feel less alone.  I have a great therapist, and am joing a support group ... but it is also interesting that individuals with a psychiatric illness are treated with less respect than other patients.  I've already experienced this.  With all of the ridiculous comments people say about BC, I am stunned by how I'm treated by SOME, not all, medical professionals.

My best to all of you.

Polyana, I'm so sorry I didn't reply to this ASAP.  I'm going through she exact same situation as you are.  You do need to get treatment for your anxiety.  I have been terrified how all of this will exist my preexisting mental illness (Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depersonalzation Disorder, and Clinical Depression) which I have also had my entire life and I'm now 51.

I made it through surgery by speaking up to all of my doctors, and found more compassion than in years past (for other surgeries I've had for other things - not cancer!).  There is a boatload of stigma out there which I continue to fight, and speaking up is one way to help.

Yes, as someone mentioned, IMHO an M.D. psychiatrist is someone you need to see.  I have both a medical resident psychiatrist at a large university (less $) and a wonderful therapist to work on coping skills (no cures) and must depend upon both of them most to help me through this.

You DO need to get help for the cancer.  I have been terrified of the surgery/anesthesia, and made it through.  Both the anesthesiologist and oncologist mentioned treating everyone from bipolar to schizophrenic to depressed to severely anxious ... and yes, everyone reacts differently.  But you MUST share this knowledge with a mental health professional AND your BC team.

I have become a mental health advocate, speaking out against the stigma of mental illness.  You might also seek help through The National Alliance on Mental Illness <nami.org>, and through Glenn Close's Bring Change 2 Mind <bringchange2mind.org>

What is difficult is to find individuals with both illnesses (psychiatric and BC) ... in person.  I find people don't want to discuss either.

I truly encourage you to seek help for BOTH.  I have a greatly improved quality of life as the result of merely sharing with others who have a variety of psychiatric problems, being on meds, and learning coping skills.  Please don't put that, or your BC treatment on hold.

I'm a newbie here, and have been desperate for answers -- same as yours.  Forgive me for not responding!

Take Care,

There is another section here about depression, anxiety and PTSD POST BC.  Yes, I fear these things.  Check that out.  I'm in this with you.  And please seek treatment for a healthier mind.  A healthy mind is "the bootstrap" that can help you through this BC misery.

BP

Hi, This is my first post. I found this by looking for major depression before breast cancer. I am seriously thinking of no therapy because of my mental health issues. I've fought suicide daily for several years prior to my DX. Yes, I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I also have MS and migraines. I have been taking HRT because it's the only thing that helps to control the migraines. I'm already on 12-14 different drugs daily. I'm really afraid that I can't live with the physical and emotional effects of treatment. I am divorced for 5 years after a 27 yr marriage and have 2 sons who are not willing and not able to provide emotional support. My older son has shunned me for the last to years-it has hurt more than the divorce. My self-esteem is non-existent. I had to stop working in 2004 because of the MS and migraines. My divorce occurred in 2006. I don't have any family near me-the closest is the son who won't have anything to do with me and then a sister 7 hours away. I am afraid the scarring from the surgery will send me over the edge. My tumor is in the area of my cleavage on my right breast and I'm not that busty. The surgeons have said a lumpectomy will leave a 3 1/2 - 5 inch scar and then heaven knows what radiation will do. I had a wide excision for another type of cancer on my abdomen in 1994 and have never gotten over the 10 inch scar it left. I really don't want to lose any more body parts. It's hard enough to be 56 and alone without putting more deformity front and center. It seems that men are looking for healthy and whole women. I know that I will not take Tamoxifen or anything like it. I can't live with the migraines. My issues are QOL. I spent 6 months with daily migraine and I can never do that again. Honestly, most of my problems originate in my head and they are more life threatening than DCIS, but they won't remove my head! It's hard to talk to anyone about this because they just don't understand. I am afraid I will kill myself if I have to look at my body any more disfigured.If the cancer was on the armpit side or underneath my breast I think I could cope. I have heard that a new form of treatment called laser ablation will be in trials beginning next year-they don't know yet if the FDA will make them do a lumpectomy after as part of the trial. I am thinking of waiting to see what happens. I don't know if it all matters since if I can't get off my HRT without constant migraines, I'll still be at such risk of recurrence. So, anyway, I just don't know if it matters if I do anything---

Bblue:  I do not have answers for you.  I just want you to know that you are not alone.  You certainly have many issues to deal with, more than anyone deserves.  Everyone here is so kind and supportive.  Please continue to reach out to us.  We really care.  I hope you will continue to reach out for help.  It is awfully difficult, but there are good professional people out here and we want you to stay around.  Sending hugs and prayers to you.

I have one answer for you, bblue.

My lump was in the outer corner at about 1 o'clock. That's where most lumps are. And most of us who have lumpectomies have a scar for a year or two, but it fades really quickly. In many women, 3 or 4 years out, you CANNOT TELL at all, and, for the rest of us, it's usually just a faint pink line.

Be sure to tell your surgeon, if you can, how important not feeling more scarred is to you. They have creams like Mederma that can make it fade fast.

And - this is from left field - but would you and your doctor feel comfortable with a wait-and-see program, while you emotionally work with this issue? One of the good things about less aggressive breast cancer is that you have time to make these decisions. Your cancer center may have a therapist on staff (mine did) who you can work with to feel comfortable with the decisions you need to make, while the staff can monitor what is going on, to make sure things don't get out of control.

This is not a decision that needs to be made today.

Good luck, and keep talking!