Living on Borrowed Time at 3 years

Stacys_mom:

I completely relate to how you are feeling.  I was diagnosed in 2006 and still feel that way at times.  About a year after treatment ended I went to counseling and that helped a lot.  But if I am totally honest, I also feel like I am living on borrowed time.  I don't have a great solution for that except to just keep living.  Most of the time I can keep my fears under control but when I have some new ache or pain, or when I have an appt. coming up or around the date I was diagnosed I seem to feel like my borrowed time is up. 

What I can tell you is that the borrowed time feeling peaked for me about a year ago-so where you are now.  I don't know why but I just thought I wouldn't make it over 3 years.  Well, now I am 4 1/2 yrs out and doing well. 

Btw-I thought I was the only one who had that feeling but now I know I am not alone.  So, thanks for bringing it up.  I don't think there is really one right answer but if you have not talked to a counselor I would start there-it helped me soooo much. 

Ugh I can totally relate.  two years out and im more stressed than when i was diagnosed!  Im on welbutrin that seems to help, but i so know what you are feeling!  Its horrible! 

Laura

I certainly get what you are saying.....in the beginning I was sure older people I knew ( in-laws) would outlive me...and that younger people would certainly outlive me........with my diagnosis it would just be a matter of "short" time.....

 But last week we buried this great guy that was in a business networking group with me.....he was full of energy--great sense of humor....40 years old with a young son.....he died playing golf...a game he loved....had a heart attack.  My young GYN's husband died last year riding his bike on the side of the road.....came around the corner and a Mercedes took him out and he died....my father-in-law died two years ago.

If anyone told me six years ago that I would outlive them I would not have believed it.....they were healthy.... I was not.  The future is just unknown to everyone......all we can do is enjoy the present.  Every day I open my eyes....I am breathing.....and can hear my children in the other room is a GREAT DAY.  I just take one at a time.  Each one adding to the next....that I have chalked up six great, great years.

It does get better......cancer will become less consuming.....the drugs are good....and getting better.  Odds are you have beat it.

Jacqueline 

HI

I am another one who thought maybe she was the only one who felt this way.  Most days I'm fine, positive and barely thinking about it but then I get that odd ache or whatever and the BIG C raises it's head.  I'm 2 years out now and I agree it has given me a new prospective on life.  I have learned to not put things off, live for the day to an extent I think.  However, I do have an overwhelming feeling that this thing will return, not if but when - I don't understand why and I have given up trying.  For now I will just get on with my life, enjoy the family and friends I have that surround me and make the most of every available opportunity that comes my way.  If I have to GO early then I want to know I have enjoyed what ever time I have remaining and will have no regrets for having missed out on the important things in life.  I just can't seem to get my head around retirement planning - strange that- guess I'm too focused on the past and present but haven't managed to include the future for now but hopefully that will change as time moves on.

Gaynor

I'm two years out,and I almost feel guilty for feeling this way. While I truly squeeze the most out of each day, it's always with the motivation that my 'good times' may be limited. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The guilty feeling comes because others have been so supportive and simply want me to be able to go with the flow now that treatments are over and my surgeries are coming to an end.