Stage II or III - not sure

You know, I have always said your cancer doesn't know what stage it is. It just is what it is. So, try not to focus too much on that part of it. What it really means to be Stage III is that she is going to get aggressive treatment, but it really is all doable (although not always fun!)

I can imagine how scary this all is, my first months after Dx it just seemed overwhelming at times. But my advice would be to just not get too far ahead of yourselves, don't think too far down the line. Just take things treatment by treatment.

My Onc was lovely at the beginning, she didn't overwhelm me with Stats or anything frightening - there was no need, I was frightened enough! She just said "you need Chemo", and left it at that. So, unless you really want to be told stats, etc, there isn't really any need to be asking questions that are fear inducing. It is enough to know she has an aggressive and locally advanced Cancer, she will need to get "the kitchen sink" thrown at her. They will do absolutely everything they can for her. And as Jacqueline has stated above, there are so, so many Stage 3'ers doing well! 

I was Dx nearly two years ago, went through Chemo and Rads, and now I am doing well, and living life again to the fullest! She will get through this too.

You don't mention how old your mother is or her state of mind about the dx.  Having someone with her during the onc visit is great. The amount of information is overwhelming when all you can think about is that you have cancer.  Get a copy of the doc notes after they have been transcribed -- this can help you remember some of the thing that were said.

Talk with your mom beforehand.  Sit down together and figure out what questions she wants asked and if there are any questions that she doesn't want asked.  To help someone with a cancer dx means that it's all about them. 

As an example my mom, who was 80 at the time, went to her oncologist by herself for her stage I cancer.  She didn't want anyone else there.  My involvement came when she had to make her treatment decision -- she was sure if she was going to do surgery/rads or just do nothing and let the cancer take its course.  Once I was able to tell her that I would support either decision (and believe me, those were tough words to say) then she decided on the surgery.  A month later I was dx'ed stage III and my mom was wanting to participate in my once visits but I had to tell her that I wanted just my husband and myself there so we could be honest about our fears with the onc.  Having said that, I'm sure your mother will welcome your involvement and will move forward with treatment.  My mom happens to be extremely independent and I had to be sure and meet her on her terms in order to be involved.

With a stage III dx I would recommend a second opinion.  At the very worst this presents multiple options for a treatment plan.  But it may provide you with the assurance that her onc's plan is the right one and that she will be able to work with the onc.   The relationship with the oncologist is a long term one so it's important to make sure she feel confident and comfortable with the onc.

Are you going to be going with your mom to all her visits and treatments?