Stage II or III - not sure

PatAnn13

I'm new to this site and hope I'm starting this message correctly?  My mom was recently diagonosed with stage II and had a masectomy a week ago.  Five days after the surgery, the dr called to tell her that they removed 29 nodes and 26 were positive.  We go back to the dr on Monday for the post op appt.  I'm devastated!  She has mammogram every year and so we thought going into this that we had caught this early?  With that much in her nodes, I'm at a loss.  I haven't found anyone that has had that much found in the nodes.  Not sure what the bone scan or CT scan results are yet.  I plan to go to her appt. with her but don't want to ask questions that might scare or create doubt for her.  I'm sure her stage of cancer will change to a III.  Any suggestions on how to ask questions from the dr without causing fear.  Not sure what all the questions are that I need to ask to help her? 

YATCOMW

Just to give you a bit of calm...... I am well over six years with 17 plus nodes and doing just fine.

Yes...she will be stage III but I am sure others will jump on and tell you that this is doable and once she gets through treatment that things will ever so slowly get back to normal again.

The best thing you can do is allow her to have someone to talk to......help her around the house....maybe get some neighbors to help with meals etc.....sit with her during chemo if you can.  Make sure she accepts the help.

It is wonderful that you have jumped on here.....the women here are awesome and will help you and your mom get through this.  God Bless.

Jacqueline 

KerryMac

You know, I have always said your cancer doesn't know what stage it is. It just is what it is. So, try not to focus too much on that part of it. What it really means to be Stage III is that she is going to get aggressive treatment, but it really is all doable (although not always fun!)

I can imagine how scary this all is, my first months after Dx it just seemed overwhelming at times. But my advice would be to just not get too far ahead of yourselves, don't think too far down the line. Just take things treatment by treatment.

My Onc was lovely at the beginning, she didn't overwhelm me with Stats or anything frightening - there was no need, I was frightened enough! She just said "you need Chemo", and left it at that. So, unless you really want to be told stats, etc, there isn't really any need to be asking questions that are fear inducing. It is enough to know she has an aggressive and locally advanced Cancer, she will need to get "the kitchen sink" thrown at her. They will do absolutely everything they can for her. And as Jacqueline has stated above, there are so, so many Stage 3'ers doing well! 

I was Dx nearly two years ago, went through Chemo and Rads, and now I am doing well, and living life again to the fullest! She will get through this too.

lago

I haven't officially been staged yet but my BS stated that I would most likely be a stage III due to the size of my tumor (7cm so far) and the aggressiveness (grade 3 HER2+) I have a 70% chance of it not being in the nodes based on the physical exam and MRI but until they do surgery (4 days) and the pathology they won't know.

Staging really only means how they are going to treat it IMO. Like others have said cancer doesn't know what stage it is. I have even seen stage IV people on this forum that have been around for years/decades because the cancer when into remission. In some ways as a stage III you know she'll will get the aggressive treatment she needs. I've seen stage I and II folks not go aggressive/get chemo and they have a re-occurrence or it spreads.

 Wishing the best for your mom.

AnacortesGirl

You don't mention how old your mother is or her state of mind about the dx.  Having someone with her during the onc visit is great. The amount of information is overwhelming when all you can think about is that you have cancer.  Get a copy of the doc notes after they have been transcribed -- this can help you remember some of the thing that were said.

Talk with your mom beforehand.  Sit down together and figure out what questions she wants asked and if there are any questions that she doesn't want asked.  To help someone with a cancer dx means that it's all about them. 

As an example my mom, who was 80 at the time, went to her oncologist by herself for her stage I cancer.  She didn't want anyone else there.  My involvement came when she had to make her treatment decision -- she was sure if she was going to do surgery/rads or just do nothing and let the cancer take its course.  Once I was able to tell her that I would support either decision (and believe me, those were tough words to say) then she decided on the surgery.  A month later I was dx'ed stage III and my mom was wanting to participate in my once visits but I had to tell her that I wanted just my husband and myself there so we could be honest about our fears with the onc.  Having said that, I'm sure your mother will welcome your involvement and will move forward with treatment.  My mom happens to be extremely independent and I had to be sure and meet her on her terms in order to be involved.

With a stage III dx I would recommend a second opinion.  At the very worst this presents multiple options for a treatment plan.  But it may provide you with the assurance that her onc's plan is the right one and that she will be able to work with the onc.   The relationship with the oncologist is a long term one so it's important to make sure she feel confident and comfortable with the onc.

Are you going to be going with your mom to all her visits and treatments? 

PatAnn13

Thank you all so much for the information! My mom is 72 and her tumor was 3cm.  She is very positive and although she was hoping to not have to go through chemo, she already knows that she will most likely have both chemo and radiation.  I plan to go with her to all of her appointments and treatments.  My dad will be there too, but he is 75 and doesn't hear well.   I appreciate the advice given that it really isn't necessary to ask a lot of questions that will most likely do nothing but frighten or cause a loss of hope.   My mom is very optimistic and I just want to be able to support and encourage her through it all.