What about ESTRANGED DAUGHTERS AND BC INFO

Hi, Medigal.  I agree with Anne that it would be important to disclose your medical information to your daughter if at all possible.  I don't think you are overreacting; in fact, if her father's medical history is of any importance--heart disease, for example, runs in family bloodlines also--you should try to offer that information as well.

When I was in grad school I was kind of known as the student who could find anything and anyone on the internet, so let me offer you some suggestions if you want to get some info to her.  

Start with Google, using the name(s) you know.  Just input her name and see what happens.

Assuming she went to high school for some period of time, you might remember the names of her friends.  You can Google them.  You might contact the high school and see if the reunion committee has a recent publication, a Classmates site, a Facebook site, or if the high school has started a foundation, as many have done so in an era of budget cuts for amenities.

Join Facebook, LinkedIn, and Classmates (Classmates may not be free).  Don't send out friend requests, though, but see if you can locate any of her friends or your friends from the old neighborhood.  You might send a message indicating that you are trying to send a message of importance regarding a health issue to her.  You might also find her among the friends of her friends, and be able to send her a message yourself.  

Peoplefinder, Whitepages, and some of the other free phone book type sites are former-name sensitive, and former address sensitive.  That is, you might get a sense of where she is from a birthdate listed on the site, a former city she lived in, and you might actually find your own name listed among her connections.  Databases don't care about estrangement, relatives are relatives in the eyes of the government!

Last, consider hiring an attorney who has access to more restricted information.  If you have her social security number, you will definitely be able to find her and your grandchildren.  She has certain rights as your daughter, as she may be your heir in the eyes of the probate court someday (or you, hers).  

I can't imagine being in either your shoes or hers, but I know she may be feeling as you do.  She may have had her own bout with breast cancer already.  All you can do is try and know that everything changes and time softens us all.

I hope this helps.

Cathy 

I wasn't going to say anything, but came back to this thread. Here's my take:

She made the decision to remove you from her life. It's her choice and her call. If you contact her now with the very, very serious need to let her know about your cancer diagnosis, she may read it completely wrong and think you're asking for sympathy or a new connection.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Good luck with your decision, I'm really interested to see how you work this out! It'd make a good movie line as there is so much baggage involved.

Have you had genetic testing? As Leaf said, your history doesn't suggest a genetic misprint-in which case,if you don't have a mispint, your daughter can't have inherited the defect.

I have to admit, I tend to agree with Barbe. She made a serious decision to cut off contact with you. If she's 47 ow, that means you're at least in your mid to late 60's. I'm sure she realizes that you and your dh have medical issues that come about with age that she should know about, so if she feels it's important she'll make an effort to find out. If not, that's a medical decision she has made and must live with.

Leah

I don't have anything useful to contribute but just want to say I am sorry for this sad part of your life. You have done a good job of reconciling yourself to the loss of your daughter. I always benefit from your postings here and recognize the wisdom and knowledge you have to share. She has lost a lot in her decision to alienate herself from her family.

Hugs, pam