Chemo Starting Sep 09

You ladies are the best!   I love everyone's funny posts and busy, quirky lives.   Sometimes I feel like I know you all better than I know many of the people I talk to every day.

Now here's a hair story.  It starts with the fact that a few months ago I needed to renew my drivers license.  I was definitely not going to have a new picture taken in my nearly bald state (and have to look at it for the next 10 years!) so of course I wore my wig.  In a lucky twist of fate the picture came out great.    It looks so much better than me that I almost thought they sent me the wrong license.

Fast forward to this afternoon.  I'm picking up a pizza and sporting my real hair...which has frizzed up again since my flat ironing session at the beauty salon.   The pizza kid asked for my ID with my credit card so I gave him my license.  He looks at the license (me in wig).   He looks at me (au natural).  Then he very earnestly says "I really think you look a lot better with your hair like it is in this picture."   No kidding.

So...the wig goes back on tomorrow.  Maybe forever!

Patty

P.S. - I'm definitely in on the cyber reunion!

Wow! I have really been out of the loop.  It took me quite a while to read all the posts that I missed. I have missed all of you too.

My summer has all about carpe diem...Italy, Maine, Martha's Vineyard, Boston, NYC, South Bend. Oh I don't want it to stop.  

Today is one year since my mx.  I am taking it as my "one year mark." I know there is some controversy over which date a person should count (end of chemo, end of rad., surgery, diagnosis).   

Ronnie that sounds like a fabulous day. Congrats on reaching the end of it and for doing it with style, class, and most importantly a positive attitude!

Hello SOSisters...well DH's doctor called on Thursday with path report.  DH has prostrate cancer, stage 2. Went this afternoon for dr to discuss all the options.  He is leaning towards radiation by seeding.  DH is going to weigh all before doing anything.  Not what we prayed for but it could be so much worse. 

Vickilynn - I so want to join the virtual reunion.  Somewhere in Hawaii, booked in a 5 star resort, our own private wing, absolutely anything we want to eat, when we want it, massages, facials, manicaure, pedicures.  And wonderful coastal scenery with wonderful walking trails.  And of course our own private infinity pool overlooking the ocean with jacuzzi.  Doesn't that just sound so relaxing?

Patty - so what kind of tip did the pizza boy receive?   Loved the story.  I am actually going to get my hair cut tomorrow, too long and wavy in back, just right on the sides and too short on top!  Not to mention the gray appearing at the roots!

China Blue - congrats on your 1 year mark.  What a summer you are having, it sounds wonderful! I don't blame you for not wanting it to stop, it sounds so exciting?  What came in 2nd behind Italy?

Ronnie Kay - congratulations on your last Herceptin.  I'm two txts behind you, will be done in September.  I also want to do something for my wonderful caregivers at the cancer center, haven't come up with anything yet.  And my onc nurse has been an angel - need something really special for her.  What a wonderful day you and your family spent.  I have also never been to Hooters, my husband and daughter keep teasing me about going there.  We've seen the Blue Angels several times over the years, they are so impressive.

BarbAnne - is that a new photo?  I like it, I'm jealous of the nice style.  Where do you want to go for the virtual reunion?

Onty - glad you are doing well.  You should check in more often, we've missed you.

Is it just me or are we missing some sisters?  They must be having wonderful summers - we miss you and hope you will post us a quick note to let us know you are okay.

Take care.  Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jane

Oh Jane...my heart aches for your family.  I remember Pamelajo saying one cancer diagnosis per family & that's what we were all hoping for.  That said, you have been strong and courageous & you are healing with the love and support of your loved ones, your sisters & your great medical staff....your husband will certainly have those same loving, caring arms wrapped around him and he will be in all of our prayers, you know that!  I think if it's caught early, it's very treatable, right? I know that my girlfriend's dad had it over 30 years ago & lived a very healthy life!  I think the seeds are quite a bit like the brachytherapy (radiation) I had and it was totally painless.  WOW...reading your description of our virtual reunion, I started zoning out & livin' the dream...you're good!  Now, I want you to take your hubby on that vacation & enjoy every moment.  Sending you loving thoughts & ready to take that plane out to clean your toilets!!!!!  (we'll go out for dinner!).  PS..I found special jellies from our Tuesday farmer's market (inexpensive but delicious & wrapped pretty) for my caregivers. I gave the little paperweights with sayings (also inexpensive but very sweet) for special nurses in both depts & bracelets for my onc nurses. Brownies & donuts went to reception & nurse stations. It's funny, Tom usually thinks I'm overdoing it but he was all for this. I think you get really close to those people during the year of herceptin, don't you think?  I loved being able to thank them with something tangible but I know that they knew each tx how much I appreciated & adored them and I know that they must all adore you..as I do, and with what you're going through with your hubby's diagnosis, I know they want you to put your energy into whole family health.

BARBANNE: Thanks 4 the sweet comment...you could tell I was rambling with excitement, I'm sure!  Daughter & grandson just brought me a Georgia Mud Fudge blizzard to celebrate the port being gone...another hiphiphooray!  Hope you're doing great...countdown to school! My district left a message for me today asking if I wanted to substitute as a data processor starting Thursday...I have no clue what that program consists of so luckily I can just say we're going out of town (it's the truth!).  Did you work this summer?  I keep thinking of you walking home with your popsicle...one of my happy thoughts!

ONTY:  Congrats & I hope our life spans far exceed our expectations!  Thanks for checking in...you were always a voice of sound advice & so reassuring to me.  Stay well

KIM:  What a marvelous weekend...ok, maybe it started crummy but it sure sounds like you didn't let a radiator ruin your fun!  OMG...Perry Mason...loved it, the music was so haunting I can hear it right now!  We always got to stay up late if we combed my mom's hair so Perry Mason, The Fugitive, Johnny Carson...my favorites!  How sweet that you got to go wine hopping with your girls and such an accomplishment to forget about bc...hopefully there will be more and more days like that!  Once again, I wish the pix were larger...you look wonderful!

It's a rainy, dreary day in Seattle...surprise....so I'm with Jane and her hubby in Hawaii...loving every moment...come on over!

Hi Pennyfarmer...unfortunately you have been chosen to join the breast cancer journey....So sorry, but glad that you found us.  We have mostly gone through the same time frame for treatment/surgery...I too had a bilateral mast 7/21/09 and then chemo and radiation.  I started with A/C (4) and finished with Taxol (4)...just getting some "do-wack-a-do" curls for hair, but as I said when I was without hair...won't be complaining so much.  This is a safe site for people with questions, fears and just a desire to communicate with people who are still going through treatment, or have been there done that and can help you with what to expect.  Check out all of the appropriate other blogs...I chime in with other groups that seem appropriate.  Get all of the information that you can and keep asking questions.  I hope that you have an outside support system, but know that we are here for you!!!  We are warriors!!

Kim

Jane, holy cow, like Pamela said you broke the rule!! I am deeply sorry and am still keeping you in all my prayers. Right above the one about winning the lottery so I can make the whole reunion thing happen! When I had rads I was in the same time slot with two men with the same diagnosis. They said it was a  breeze and the prognosis was very good. They also said they were on a med, a pill some are prescribed, that gave them hot flashes, go figure. How is your daughter? Take car and keep positive, big hugs. Oh and I

 Aww Pamela- even when you are down you are funny. I love all your posts.I am sending you hugs and lost of tea and honey. Frankly I just like honey off the spoon.

Ronnie- You are such a  hoot yes I did work, I am  a secretary at a college, so it keeps going,I understand the love/hate thing with fall. Work becomes chaotic, I have also traded in teen-drama-money filled summer BS for teen drama homework and more money filled falls, but at least she is off doing something productive all day AND full school night curfews are in effect so no more 11 o'clock arrivals in the middle of the week. Fudge blizzard sound good but I have lost all my taste for sweets. I just crave warm, savory, salt stuff. And cake used to be my stress fall back....now I don't like the taste. I think it must be a side effect of Tamoxifen, along with being a 1000 degrees all the time. I went from being the coldest person in the room to the warmest.

Onty-congrats on the milestone.

Kim- nice photo and i love your vaykay story, how fun. wine.....love wine.  JANE can we have unlimited wine at the virtual party? Kim I hope your radiator is all fixed.

Neece and Vickilynn nice photos, and I am in for the virtual reunion.

 China- good for you I am all in for enjoying life.

Patty- man you have the best hair stories. I swear no one has said bug about my hair because of where I live. A major university, a smaller one and a pretty well-respected community college, plus two big teaching hospitals and a very deep hippy-type culture means there is every sort of do around...I am nothing special. I am wishing you nothing but awesome hair days..

Penny- I am sorry you have had to join this journey, but the breast cancer discussion boards are a great place. welcome. And if you feel up to it, you can scroll back through all our posts and find helpful stuff.

Jane you are right many of our sisters are awol....but bless them I hope they are having fun.

 Well back to the as-the-world-turns life of my daughter..ugh...

Hugs

Barbara

Jane -  Such crushing news for your DH.  I am so sorry you two have to face another cancer diagnosis.  At least it was caught early enough to be treated without chemo and the prognosis is really good.  I know you will conquer this with the same strength and grace you've shown over the past year, I just wish you didn't have to.  Hugs all around.

RonnieKay - Congratulations on finishing!   What an excellent idea to celebrate beating BC at Hooters -  where boobs rule.

Pamelajo - Hang in there...you are on the final countdown now!  5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - DONE!

Kim & China - I'm so happy to see you two gadding about.   Making up for the excessive couch-time we've had over the past year.   Glad those days are gone.

Barbara - Your hair is looking good!   Lucky you for living in a place where anything goes. 

Neece - Your MOSS outfit sounds lovely.   Holding our virtual reunion in Sydney sounds great.  Can't wait!

Speaking of weddings, we held our summer bridal show last Sunday.  Nothing like spending the weekend hosting 3,000 crazy brides on a mission.   In the midst of all the work it struck me that this is the first event (we hold four a year) since my DX where I wasn't hampered by recovering from surgery, dragging around because of chemo,  dealing with the after-effects of rads.   I felt great and had energy to spare.  What a difference a year makes!

Patty

Ronnie you sweetheart..I didn't get the test, I got a lot of mixed info about insurance and creating issues down the road for my daughter. not to mention my mom died of bc, I had two aunts who had it and me too, so my doc said that alone will make her a candidate for early mammos. I may have lost my sweet taste buds but savory, God help me, warm and salty, think pizza, pasta etc...and I haven't had the wear-with-all to get on the scale but I am at least the same size as the end of chemo if not a few extra pounds. All of which is more than I weighed pre-chemo. I see my onc mid-September so his scale can tell me the truth. Just like you I walk, ride a stationary bike, but the weight doesn't move. I have heard these hormone inhibitors can have that se, I don't know, but I do know that a year a go with my walks and such if I just watched what I ate a little the wieght came off fairly easily now nothing..Let me know what your results are, maybe I will look into it farther.

Neece- I am in on Australia or Hawaii, as long as I can sit in the shade the hot flashes and the sun make me crazy, oh and I still want a big glass of wine! And I'm with Ronnie a shawl would be fabulous!!

Patty- Wow, I didn't have a big wedding, it was a spur of the moment thing, all those brides holy cow. So did you do it all sans wig, or au natural? Glad it was an epiphany for you..

Love and hugs to all of you

Barbara

Darling Vickilynn you are not alone in experiencing some major, some minor, and some in between changes to your outlook and ways of responding to the world. You have looked death in the face and not blinked. Is it surprising that you now find yourself questioning things where once you would have let them pass? Don't be too hard on yourself. I think our physical healing is important but obviosuly our emotional well being is too and that can take a long time after such major life challenges. I took most of last year off work after the car accident in April then bc from july onwards. When I returned this year I was highly anxious to begin with. Am enjoying it now, but i truly think I would not have been ready to face an interview then. I remember going to a meeting with a whole bunch of people I had not met before, about a month into work this year. I still had a headscarf on, and my hand and arm were bandaged up to treat the lymphedema. I felt like a freak! Plus I couldn't think straight or speak clearly as I used to do. When i got back to college after,  I cried. So please give yourself permission to think and feel differently about things, and sometimes to behave differently too.

I have seen a counsellor a few times in the past few months and have found it VERY helpful. Just to unload stuff with someone outside the family and friendship circle was so valuable. We all need to be able to express this stuff and have someone who can help us talk it thru.

Your news re your son's wedding is very exciting! My stepson is getting married on Sept 10th, jsut a week after your son. On the Saturday before that, they are having a traditional Lao ceremony at his fiance's family home (she is from Laos) so that should be interesting. Looking forward to it very much. It will be VERY early spring here then, so hence my worries about being chilly. The shawl idea is good, thank you.

Ronnie and Barb, I too am suffering the post chemo weight gain. Is it the tamoxifen or whatever? I kept my normal weight all thru chemo (swung up and down a bit but overall pretty level) but since then I am eating all the things I couldn't taste and despite regular exercise I have gained a few pounds (kilos in Australia) Not too much but like you guys, my normal methods of getting it off again are not working now. I have spring coming to look forward to  so maybe then I will be able to get on to salads etc and that might help.

Ronnie I love the space needle!!! I have a photo of me taken from the top in 1979, with my host family from marysville. I would love to visit again and see it.

Hello SOSisters... I just want you to know how much I appreciate all of you, your words of comfort, prayers, stories.... I don't feel like an only child anymore and couldn't ask for a better family!  DH will have another test on 9/8 and then will make the big decision about what kind of radiation.  I am so thankful that he doesn't have to do chemo!  Daughter has appointment tomorrow for 2nd opinon about liasons they found on her liver.  She wants me to go with her, I know she's nervous and so is her mother!  So please include her in your prayers tonight.

Kim - your trip sounds wonderful.  Do you have any wine to bring to our virtual reunion?  Sounds like you had a lovely time, I'm sure the vineyards were lovely.  I remember Perry Mason!

Ronnie Kay - the paperweights sound like a wonderful idea!  I had already decided on cookies or cupcakes that all could share at the cancer center and then a few special gifts for my onc nurse, and my PA.  They have really pulled me through.  I am going to stick with just the girls for the virtual vacation, DH and I will have a virtual vacation somewhere else.  I would so love to be able to meet all of you and just spend some time together.  In my virtual imagination I am just the right weight, my hair is perfect, my fingernails are just as they should be, and we all feel absolutely wonderful with no lingering side effects from BC.  The food would be incredible, no calories and the scenery just out of this world!  When you come visit me, no toilets - we'll just go out and eat!

Pennyfarmer - I would say "welcome" but it just doesn't sound right on this website.  But we will more than embrace you and make you a member of our sisterhood.  I am so sorry you have to be here.  Please know that you can say anything, ask any questions, we've been through it all and sometimes actually can give hints to help.  I would tell you drink water, drink more water and then drink some more water when you start chemo.  The rest we will help you with as it goes along.  Hope you can find a post where a group is starting chemo the sametime as you, it will help and so will we.

Pamelojo - Donkeys butt?  You just crack me up.  I don't care how you feel when you read the posts, yours always makes us smile.  Hope you are doing well and counting down on the treatments.  How's it going with DH?  Any change in attitude?  I sent you a PM.  Hang in there warrior sister!

BarbAnne - what would our reunion be without unlimited wine?  Hey, it's a virtual reunion, we can have anything we want!  Yes, I would love a real reunion, it would be so great! You do realize with the ocean breezes you won't have any hot flashes in Hawaii!  I see where some BC sisters are getting together in Vegas, apparently this is there 2nd reunion.  I suspect if we all put our heads together we could come up with something.  

Neece - your MOSS sounds wonderful and I also agree about the shawl!  How exciting for you, we will want full details!  I love that the Bachelor Party will be at Chuck E Cheese.  I laughed out loud when I heard that.  You certainly are a very young looking about to be 50!  Wow.  I have also gained weight since stopping chemo, my weight stayed the same the whole time I was having txts.  I think mine is the Famera, altho right now I'm not taking it!

Vickilynn - You probably posted what most of us have felt from time to time.  BC does change us, attitude and body.  I so impatient these days and shouldn't be, but on the other hand I'm so grateful for the smaller but more important parts of the day.  I get depressed from time to time and then get mad at myself for being that way.  Then I have to do the pep talk thing about how much I have to be thankful for, yada, yada.  I do a lot of second guessing these days, my memory works fine and then not so fine.  You hang in there, you will be okay and all the trips you are taking sound wonderful!  Wouldn't it be cool if we could all be online the same time on the 25th?  I have to go out of town but it would be so great to have a virtual conversation, we'd have to keep Neece up really late (or would it be early?).

Take care sisters.  Thank you for all of your support!  Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jane

Funny story.......hmmmm, don't have one actually. I do however have a freakin observation I'd like to share with all you whiners about your 13 lbs here and there.

I'VE GAINED 35LBS SINCE I STARTED CHEMO LAST YEAR.  My ass is huge. (sigh)(expletive)  Does cancer make my butt look big.......HELLS YEAH it does.  It doesn't just make it look big, it IS big.  Ive went up 4 pants sizes, I have a gut......  I went from being a svelt and smokin hot 38 yr old rockin the cute junior size clothes to a frumpy nearly 40 yr old who has to shop in the women's department.   I've never shopped in the women's department.  EVER!!!!  I see my pilates dvd's on the armoire and I think "those are shaped like donuts.  Hole in the middle, round........yes, I'll have a donut or 12". 

I put butter on my ribeye last night. (more expletives)

I went to the cafe' at work and got the breakfast special.  Bacon, fried egg, square hashbrown, and just for my good nutrition, I ordered whole wheat toast with it.  Then I proceeded to put mayo on one piece of toast, and strawberry jam on the other, and layered all the bacon, egg AND hashbrown and made a flippin sandwich out of it.  I ate it like I was starved.  When I finished, I thought "girl, you need to do that again"..........  my poor work husband Paul watched me do it, and when I looked over at him, he was sitting there, mouth agape, eyes wide just amazed.  I go "what?".......he said "you barely chewed that thing and you've got strawberry jam on your shirt."

If I keep gaining weight, I'm gonna have to get bigger foobs.  These look small compared to my ever expanding waist line.  They do catch crumbs very nicely though.  MMM, there's one now.

The crappy part is, when I'm done with chemo, my doctor is cutting my daily fat intake to 20 grams!!!!!  20 grams??????  that's half a handful of cheeto's.  That's that dollop of butter, not to mention the ribeye under it.  That's TWO battered french fries.  I CAN"T EVEN IMAGINE!!!!

I'm doomed.  (expletive expletive expletive)

I don't care.  I'm hungry, and if I weigh 35 or 50 lbs more than I do right now, I'll be alive to enjoy my largeness.  I may take up more room in the bed, but there's more of me to snuggle.

Livin large,

Pamela

Jane just so you know, I prayed last night, and at three AM when I got up for yet another hot flash, and this morning before breakfast....then I went and played the lottery as is tradition for me on this day (Friday the 13th) it has always been lucky for me, go figure, and I love black cats....keep us posted big hugs to you and the family.

Patty. OMG again, yes as for my daughter, my husband is wound tighter than a spring, 16-year-old girl and guys and cars....oh my...and I am forever telling him to lighten up....I am really chill with her, but man those whiners at work just set me on edge...they take the very cushy secure job they have and really act like they are toting a cross...makes me crazy after all I went through and still showed up every day for my not so cushy, at-will (means can be fired at any time no union etc..) job with a freakin' smile on my face...sorry...whew makes me all hot....or was that another hot flash?

Pamela a girl after my own heart--just for the record since dx I have packed on about 20 pounds, and it does not budge, even with exercise..LOVE your sandwich description, I have been eating this thing every morning for weeks now, English muffin (whole wheat too for a nod to health) with Smart balance buttery spread, a fried Southwest egg beater ( a big circle folded into a triangle) two crispy pieces of fake bacon, and a slice of American cheese..it is so freakin' good at 3 AM when I wake up for hot flashes I think about it until I drool all over my pillow and have to flip it!!!! And don't get me started on Mayo...yummy...Miracle Whip and Mayo got me through Taxol, swiss cheese, whole wheat bread and crispy lettuce...ate them like I lost my mind, BUT I tried miracle whip the other day..and those taste buds that I think Tamoxifen has jacked said..whoa thats too sweet!! I still want all that stuff, especially donuts, but it doesn't taste good, but LORDY I can't leave the pizza, pasta, and my favorite egg sandwich alone. Oh and my homemade wine coolers, which I keep in a special rubber maid container in the back of the fridge and my family thinks it is herbal tea (secures they'll never touch it....ahh so refreshing and relaxing in the evening..I am sure your butt is smaller than mine, but I love you just the same

Hugs to all my girls with big butts and small !!!!!!

Barbara

Hello SOSisters.....who doesn't believe in the power of prayer and sisterhood?  Daughter is fine, she has teeny tiney cysts on liver, about size of pencil eraser.  Will go back in 6 months for checkup, doctor was very reassuring!  Thank you so much for being with me during this bump in the road.  DH is leaning toward radiation with isotope seeds, one time txt that lasts for 10 months.  Hopefully with very few side effects.

BarbAnne41 - so did you win the lottery?  I feel like I did!  Sorry you are having such terrible hot flashes, I can so relate.  I can't remember the last time I slept through the night.  Daughter suggested Tylenal PM, I may just try it.  I toss and turn, put covers on, take covers off.  It gets pretty miserable at times.

Patty - I think I lost and gained 3 pounds all through chemo.  Then chemo stops and I have gained 5 pounds which just added to what I already needed to lose.  Because my heels hurt I have absolutely no ambition to walk, exercise - at least that is this week's excuse!  And then on top of everything else I have a ganglion cyst on my wrist that needs to be removed.  I'm like the cartoon character with the black cloud following these days.  I'm so trying to ignore it!

Barb0323 - so glad you checked in, we've been missing you.  Hope you enjoy your visit with your parents.  It's difficult when they become older and aren't really able to care for themselves.  Good luck with your surgery on the 24th, we'll be thinking about you.  You can catch us all up while your on vacation.

Well, my sisters, thanks for getting me through the daughter crisis which thank goodness was not! Can you tell I'm relieved?  Everyone have a great weekend, or what's left of it.  Take care, thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jane