please help

Sue, is the pain in your hip on the left hand side?

Just a quick pop in....busy at work, but wanted to check in with my sisters!

Sue!!! Good to see you, but hugs are going out to you.  Praying for you and your dad.  I'll catch up with everything when I have time to sit down and read. I think you should remove the ovaries...I did..no regrets.

Cathi...so glad to hear about Amanda moving and seeing the way. Prayers for all of you.  How are things going?

Missed having you here Sue!! I miss your rants too.

Had a fab weekend at a beautiful lake house with 5 great friends from hs...I'll give you more info. later..gotta run.

xoxo

Lisa

So sorry to keep you all on edge,  but these past 4 days have been hell,  Amanda packed up and left and as of this evening she is right back with him,  there has been nothing but turmoil and drama for days,  she even went and filed an injunction aganst him. I am beside myself with heartbreak,  she is defending him even worse,  the things she admitted to in the injunction,  he broke her arm in NY, he beat her up while pregnant with Landen and continued to kick her while she was down,  he still continues to loos his temper and threaten to KILL HER -  on and on I could go -  I don't know what to do anymore,  well I do,  but it's so F-IN hard to let your own daughter go - Bill for sure has been still drinking (court order says NO ALCHOL cnsumed or in the home) I don't know for sure if Amanda has but she has been in the apartment with it,  just lies, lies,  lies and more lies.  On Wednesday ther is a FAMILY MEETING scheduled by the case workers to discuss concerns we have  -  they must be there also - this going to be so hard to do - BUT IT'S GOTTA BE DONE. Now I am living each day wondering what will happen Landen and Ella when I can no longer care for them,  they are so small,  so far to grow,  I don't think their parents are gonna come through this and I am afraid God isn't gonna keep me around long enough to raise them .Theres no one for them.

(((((cathi))))), I so know the pain of trying to get away from an abuser, you feel lost because you don't know anything else but abuse, and you don't want to leave the one who says that they love you. Saturday at the Quilt show we saw a beautiful but poinant quilted wall hanging whose theme was abuse. the words on it were touching, 'When she walks, her very light leaks in a trail behind her because she has no boundaries as she has known ABUSE personally, by his first name. She has not yet learned she owns the power to heal herself.' Right now you need to focus on you and what Landen and Ella need.

Sheila

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO EVERYONE - Barbe yes I am going to bring all this up Wednesday,  I have it all written down in a letter form to read,  cried as I wrote every word,  and you are right my DD is mentally unbalanced I have come to see that,  I can relate to how hard it is to leave, I DO UNDERSTAND THAT  - IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS, but when you have so so many options,  so much help at your finger tips it is really troublesome,  she has SAFE - SAFE PLACES TO GO- 

Cathi! YOU are in denial! Safe places mean nothing to Amanda and deep down you know that! She needs serious mental therapy in a locked environment! You will always be wondering if she is going to go back to him if things stay in the pattern they are now. He has proven in front of you how strong Amanda is addicted to him and his way of life. Tough love, but love it is.

Much love and hugs, 

Barbe I am in denial never thought this kind of stuff would be happening at this point in my life. I guess God just interened some as the case worker called and wanted to remind me of tomorrow, she knew that Amanda was LEAVING SIL Friday,  she called to remind Amanda of the meeting,  and Sara said she thought something was wrong,  she wasn't being told the whole truth,  Sara asked her where she was,  she said she decided her and Bill could work things out better together,  she never told her she filed an injunction - Amanda being with Bill places them both in contempt of court,  she asked me to fax them to her - I just did,  I also already told her about the drinking,  she is very nice and comforting  actually,  said we have to ADDRESS everything now if there is any hope of the kids ever being rejoined with their parents.  It's gonna be hard she said it always is when the grandparents are the care providers,  they are always torn,  they have cases wher G'parents allow more visits than ordered etc,  etc,  OH MY -

Jaclyn has been a saving grace,  she is also so upset and so worried about Ed & I (age/ health) ,  it s such a sad feeling to look at pictures from this past year  - and realize may never have a REAL FAMILY AGAIN,  and to also realize what was really happening behind some of those photos. Guess I never really had a HAPPY FAMILY.

Cathi you had, and will again have a happy family.  Those pictures show a wonderful family, a happy family, just not a perfect family, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't really exist.

Cathi,  I am sorry to hear about what all has been happening with you and your family.  I talked with KaLee, my DD, and asked her why she stayed with her signifcant other when she knew two of the children didn't want to stay there or be around when he is around.  She said is was very hard to start over and when he keeps telling you how insignificant you are, how no one will ever love you, how ugly and fat you are, and that you aren't worth anything, you really believe it and you can't trust that you can start over let alone that anyone will want anything to do with you, you just stay where you are and try to deal with it.  She also says that she is afraid that he will hurt her as he did hit her in the past and yest her dad made her call the police and press charges but she never followed up.  He tore up her apartmenr has wrecked three of our vehicles that she allowed him to drive, well one time he stole her keyes and took her highlander and totaled it.  He is really nice and knows the right thing to say when she tries to leave him.  She even left him in Mississippi during the early morning hours, she got up (he was drunk and fell asleep), grabbed the kids, changed her phone number and came back to TX and was halfway here when he started calling looking for her.  She wasn't here two days and his mom gave him money and a bus ticket to come back her.  I was in shock and she even knows knew what all was going on.

When the kids were taken away and the CPS worker called, I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I told them everything i know and then some.  They removed the kids, my daughter was extremely angry and she tried to make him leave again and he just keeps coming back.  The CPS office here let everything drop in this case and still has not followed up.  We keep the kids a  majority of the time but she is still with him.  He changed for a little while but then right back the way he was, drinking, drugs, out all hours of the night, seeing other women, etc.  I am so angry with her but I love her because she is my daughter but I refuse to give her any money and I make her more accountable for her actions.  I don't give in as much as I used to but I have to remember that she isn't thinking right.  She wants her kids, she doesn't want to be alone, and she has absolutely no self-confidence.  To top all of this off she still wants him to leave deep down but doesn't know how to do it because he does keep coming back.  He even went so far as to mess up her apartment, hide her dvd and games and he sat in the shadows and watched her and the police as they went through her apartment and even had the nerve to call her on the phone with the police there and tell her where her stuff was hidden, then he ran off when the police got on the phone and went outside to find him.  What I;m trying to say is, maybe she isn't mental but trying to protect herself, children or family.  You never know what is going on behind closed doors.  I don't mean to scare you but after talking with DD I believe there is a lot more going on than meets the eye.  Support or no support, support doesn't matter if there is something else going on, ie: maybe threats against the children or her family.  You do have to give her tough love.  Let her know you are there but she has to take this step on her own and no one can do it for her.  She has to do it by herself for it to mean anything or for her to stick with it.  That is the hardest thing you can do is watch your child go throught this but it is the best thing because if you do it for her she will never stick to it because she isn' t ready.  It's like smoking a cigarette, you can't make someone quit unless they are ready.  It really hurts seeing ehr this way but I know I can help her and give her piece of mind untili she decides one way or the other and that's by letting her know I love her and I will keep her children safe so she can try to take care of herself.  I don't think Amanda is sick, maybe scarred but at the same time relaxed because her babies are taken care of.  It took KaLee 2 months to get her head on straight and she is more determined now than every to do what it takes to take care of her children and to get them back.  She is even to the point of fighting back and not putting up with his mess.

If you need someone to commit to taking care of your babies if need be, send them this way and we will take them.  Just remeber you always have a friend here if you need it and if you need piece of mind. 

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers,

Leesa

IMHO, she moved down near you for one of two reasons. To show you she is "just like mommy" or to get an intervention from you. Once you get from her what she really, truly needs/wants it will all be so much easier!

You walked away and so can she. You taught her how to leave. She can do this. You done good!

Cathi, that was your best post yet! NOW I feel you are on track. Of course my thoughts will be with you, but for your sake you DO have to distance yourself and let the professionals help. There is only so much you can do.

Cathi, I am praying for you and your family and want you to know, I am only 10 minutes away and can help you with the kids if I am not out of town for work. Please keep me in mind. I will be praying hard at 2PM.

You can do this Cathi. Prayers coming at you.

LONG-LONG- LONG- HARD DAY- I have survived it  - but mentally exhausted.  LOVE YOU ALL

XOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX