Starting Chemo April 2009

Thank you all for your kind words and support as always! I know that we have been to hell and back and some of us are still on the way back : ), but having you all here just keeps on pushing me onwards and upwards. I am so lucky to have you all.

Helen - enjoy your family dinner! I love steak and especially from the BBQ!

I am trying to eat carefully, but apart from loving chocolate, I love my carbs and find it hard to eat a meal without them! On the diet I was on, I was able to eat almost everything, it was just a matter of controlling the portions. I have good days and bad days with my eating, pretty much with most things actually. So I try not to beat myself up too much about it.

Geri - I am so pleased that you enjoyed your celebration and that you are going to work today. Enjoy this new stage of your new routine.

Titan - I hope you catch a break from feeding the masses : )

Chelev - I am so pleased that you found a job - good luck and I hope that it all works out well for you!

Hugs to everyone, including those not mentioned individually.

Have a good day, Judy x

Titan - let me give you a great tip. Get an extra propane tank and when one runs out, put the spare on and refill the other one. That way you always have a spare and never run out in the middle of cooking. That would drive me totally crazy to have to switch gears in the middle of a meal! Best decision ever.

 I see the surgeon next week for a checkup. The way my docs work it, I alternate between the onc and the surgeon every other visit.  She is thorough with the breast exam (VERY!) but i dont' have to go over my medicines/supplements and talk about other cancer stuff. It's a quicker more normal visit. I'm not even nervous (yet).

Life is so much better with so many less appointments. How did we ever fit it all in? Doesn't last summer seem like a long time ago?  And yet, we are still here, supporting and communicating with one another. We're in a different part of the adjustment/recovery process than when it was all so intense. But we still understand and lean on one another like NO ONE ELSE!

Hi everyone ... just doing a quick check in from work. Things are slow. Schools are closed for the summer. I am reading all the teacher evaluations that the principals sent in - all at the end of the year. The next few weeks will be very quiet and then starting the second week of August it starts picking up again. Normally I wouldn't have time to come to this site during the day.

Dinner was fine. I bought organic steaks - so no hormones or antibiotics. More expensive but they were good. Sara brought her computer with lots of honeymoon pics. It was great to see them again. And they are sooooo very happy. The both say the wedding day flew by and they hardly recall it happening .... that was with a year and half of planning!!!! Son number 3 has indicated that he thinks he'll get married in 2 years but I think he needs to propose first.

I still seem to have many medical appointments. I'm now alternating between med onc and rad onc. I used to see the surgeon but as she told me, there's nothing more she can do for me. But I also have been going for diabetic education classes, dermatologists (one looks for melanoma and one tries to get my hair to grow) and I see the shrink regularly. Now she thinks I need to consider meds so she is referring me to a psychiatrist. Maybe she's right. So I have far too many medical appointments.

Hope everyone is having a good day. 

My onc is like a mad scientist. The surgeon is a woman and very warm and gentle. The rad onc was WONDERFUL - I LOVED him but when rads were done, he handed me off to the BS and onc. He said that if I kept seeing him, I would get a case of TMD (Too Many Doctors).  So I had to give up my favorite one!

But at the onc, I alternate seeing him and his nurse practitioner, who I love, too. So it's not too bad.

Helen- what does the dermatologist say about getting your hair to grow? Are there drugs for it? Do you take them orally or rub them on your head? I am very curious about this. (Thankfully I don't need them, but I read/hear of many women frustrated about hair regrowth. Would love to be able to share some info with them.)

Helen - all through my chemo, I was so depressed and my onc tried so hard to get me to take anti depressants. The first time I tried, they made me very nauseous and the same on the second, so I decided not to take anything. It made the 4 months of treatment much harder than they could have been. I cried constantly. I used to take Ativan as one of my anti nausea/sleeping aids, but I never found it very effective. I think though, that I did take it before surgery or being deported - I cannot remember which.

I seemed to be taking so much that I didn't want to take any more than necessary. I don't know if I made the right decision or not, but eventually a while after chemo, the depression lifted. I am glad that dinner went well and that the happy couple are so happy! Please let us know how the appt goes on  Monday.

Titan - I don't know about your doctor not smiling, but you always put a big smile on my face!

I had lunch today with a friend who had BC the same time as me and we were both so forgetful, we couldn't finish a sentence between us! It was funny! Good to be able to laugh about it.

Amy - I like that - TMD : )

My BS and Onc are both women and both really nice and friendly. It must be difficult to stay positive when I am sure that they don't always have good news for their patients.

Lena - how are you doing? I have missed you these past few days.

Geri - How are you and how is your friend doing?

Alaina - What is news with your aunt and how are you doing?

Chelev - how is your new job?

Betsy - how are you?

Hugs to all for a good evening, Judy x

I agree - It is very annoying Titan - I don't know if it is ever going to get better. Just another thing to get used to I suppose.

We have a busy weekend ahead again - company tonight, out with friends for lunch tomorrow and then again in the evening. The weather forecast is not looking good - very very hot I hear!

Hope everyone has a good weekend, stay cool and drink lots of water!

Hugs to you all, Judy x

Hi Alaina...so nice to hear from you!   And I love your new pic!   You look sexy!   And skinny!  How did you do that???

Hey Titan!  Sexy?  Ok.  Skinny?  It's all an illusion!  LOL!!!

Hey there all,

Sorry I haven't written. I'm just feeling so emotionally detached from everything now is all. Like nothing's bad (except the neuropathy in my arms) but nothing's good either. Just hit 4th week on the antidepressant, I hate to think it may not work because this is the only one I'm willing to take -- all the others have sexual side effects which I just won't put up with. Well, I'll see what the psychiatrist says on Aug 5th when I see him. It's weird -- Kym and my Pack Rat have told me I sound so much better when they talk to me on the phone, but I still don't feel "right." While I'm neither in a volatile emotional firestorm nor suicidal, I still feel sad/blue and have the attention span and mental focus of a gnat and NONE of my old creative sparks. I just don't get it.

Betsy -- thanks for telling me what a utility room is, but now I have to admit I don't know exactly what you mean by "assessment deadlines" at your job -- but from the way you describe it I don't think I WANT to know, so I won't ask. It sounds horrible, like one of those things I don't understand how anyone could do. As to the South Beach Diet you mention, I don't know it, I'll have to ask my good buddy Google. And yeah, if you have portion size under control but not exercise, yeah, maybe it IS time for you to step up the exercise:  if you burn more than you eat, you should lose weight (eventually LOL). Last Monday, I started my walking again this week, but very slowly -- I went back to the beginning mostly with just walks around the block and two errands on foot; I'm not doing my walks in the park around the lake/2+ miles a day yet. I've walked every day so far except yesterday (it was so hot we had alerts and I considered it medically dangerous!). Today it was 80 degrees (26.7C) at SEVEN IN THE MORNING (it'll be in the 90s later, and tomorrow too) -- so I decided it might be my only chance to walk today and maybe even tomorrow too: so even though I hadn't had my coffee yet -- I did a 2-block circle of my apt building and then walked to the "little store" to buy a half gallon of milk. First thing I did when I got back (other than put the milk in the fridge) was push that button to start brewing the coffee! And go back to hiding out in the bedroom with the AC. Anyway -- I'm now down 9 pounds since I started my diet. 21 more to go! Oh, and I wish your weather would come pay me a visit for awhile! LOL Enjoy the family reunion, too.

Titan -- Yeah, I'd be scared in your position too. Dunno what to tell you on that, though, except that I understand how you feel (other things than job being a priority, yet still needing the job: that's where I was mentally/emotionally until the economy ate my last job in May 2008). :-( Oh, but I do love steak (which I haven't eaten much of lately since it's so expensive) and green beans.

Geri -- Glad you didn't get hungover from your Herceptinis, and congrats on the diet. I don't want to be overweight anymore either. If you can lose 2 pounds a week, you're a stronger person than me! I'm satisfied with a 1 pound per week loss; IF somehow by chance I lose more than a pound a week fine, but seeing how I can only eat 1100 (if I don't exercise) to 1300 or 1400 (if I do exercise) calories per day in order to lose that one pound a week, well, that's the least I can do without it being torture, and I'm not going to let it become torture. I mean, at MY BODY's rate of burn (1600 cals per day without exercise; 1700-1800 if I exercise), in order to lose 2 pounds a week I'd have to cut my eating down to only 600-800 calories per day, which would be both unhealthy AND torture! No thanks! I had a couple days this week (probably because of the heat) where I just wasn't hungry at a particular mealtime so I skipped a couple meals, only ate 800-something on those days, but that's not how I feel every day, so I plan my eating to allow for the 1100 calories per day, and most of the time I do eat everything I planned, and it isn't that much torture. The worst part of it is having to PLAN my meals ahead of time to make sure the calorie counts are correct.

Helen -- Cooking for one (when it is NOT 90+F/32+C in the kitchen, that is), isn't bad at all. I like to eat "real meals" most of the time, so that means cooking them. Sometimes I cook enough to feed 3-4 people so I don't have to cook every single day but I can still eat a "real meal." I'll make chicken/rice/veggies, tuna casserole or that Italian sausage/peppers/onions/potatoes thing or whatever and one serving goes on my plate for that night's dinner; the other 2-3 servings go into plastic leftover containers so all I have to do is heat them up in the microwave over the next few days. That works out great. Yesterday though, with a heat index of over 100F/37C -- by the time dinnertime rolled around, I was happy to eat a cheese sandwich for dinner!

Judy -- I was given Lexapro (SSRI antidepressant) while on chemo, and while it didn't make me nauseous, and it actually started to lift my depression, it gave me intolerable sexual side effects (difficulty reaching orgasm, and the orgasms I did have were 'blunted'). I'll never go near SSRIs again because of that, and I did some more "research" only to find that Wellbutrin is the only antidepressant without sexual side effects! So I'm on Wellbutrin now. While I don't really feel "happy" or even "peaceful" or "content" yet in terms of my mood (and my perception of time is a bit weird: daytimes drag, evenings disappear at warp speed!), presuming that's what's supposed to happen if it kicks in full and works for me, at least I'm not any worse and I don't have the sexual problems I had on the Lexapro.

Alaina -- I'm so glad you and your aunt are doing so well. :-D

Gotta go...it's breakfast time, plus, I think I already used up today's ration of brain cells.  :-*(

~Lena. 

I've had an interesting 1st half of summer.

Most of you know that my aunt (dad's sister) was diagnosed with breast cancer. *sigh* Now, I know that genetically, I do not possess the gene mutation for breast/ovarian cancer (BRCA). But this has just strengthened my resolve to have my healthy breast removed at reconstruction. If there IS a genetic component to my cancer, my aunt's cancer, that they simply don't know about, I'm not trying to tempt fate. Off she goes! And I get a matched-reconstructed set!

Speaking of which, just 32 days! I've been collecting lots of advice on how to weather this MAJOR (8-16 hours) surgery and the recovery period afterwards. Simply put, this surgery is going to kick my a$$! But everyone I've talked to who's had it done, doesn't regret it. Even though nearly every part of it is tough to endure.

I'm super-confident in the surgical team I've selected, they are among the BEST in the state (if not the Nation), and Dr. Chang, my plastic surgeon, is one of the pioneers of DIEP Flap reconstruction. I'm starting to temper my expectations, I won't be a black Barbie Doll the moment I emerge from surgery, but through recovery, 2 revision surgeries, and some additional nipping and tucking over time, I will get there. Oh, and modifying my eating and exercising is my responsibility in achieving the optimum new body from these procedures. Yippee...

I'm thoroughly enjoying the fellowship and spiritual growth I'm experiencing at my new church! They are the BEST and I'm so glad to be a part of the family!

So, exactly a year ago, I was getting my last round of hard-core chemotherapy. I was swollen, extremely fatigued, anemic, and experiecing that weird combination of total exhaustion and elation. Looks-wise, I was a fat, bald, brown puffer-fish! LOL!!!

What a difference a year makes! I'm still kinda porky, but NOT EVEN as swollen as I was! I have hair, unruly, soft, curly/straight, doesn't know what it wants to be or do, hair! Almost 2 inches of it! I'm working through this. It's been amusing.

All my doctors are very happy with my progress. I've had a clear mammo/MRI since completing treatment, am tolerating Tamoxifen well, and all physical exams indicate maintainance of the NED (No-Evidence-of-Disease) status. PRAISE GOD!!!

In the meantime, everyone is trying to cram as much into this next month as possible, between work, family, friends, travel, etc...I'm gonna NEED that 4-6 week recovery just to relax from the whirlwind these next days will bring.

But I embrace it ALL! And I continually thank God for the loving and supportive and caring people who have embraced ME through all parts of this crazy journey! People survive this disease without support systems, but honestly, I don't know how. I am truly blessed to have each of you in my life!

My aunt is doing well. She's had surgery and is recovering, and now we are just awaiting word on what her treatment plan will be. She's a fighter...must run in the family!

Later Gators! Alaina

Hi all, sorry that I have not passed by, but we had no power after the crazy storm here on Sunday afternoon. We have it back now, but there are still alot of places without.

Alaina, so good to hear from you! I wish you much luck with your surgery! Both you and your aunt are in our thoughts and prayers.

Lena - always good to hear from you too.

Betsy - have a great trip to Seattle this weekend! Titan  - always love to hear from you!

Tomorrow - 27th July, is one year since my last chemo! Unbelievable!!!!

Ok, now I need to go and find a grocery store which has milk! I will come by again soon.

Hugs to all, Judy x

Amy...glad to hear your appt. went well. I found myself holding my breath as I read your post. Whew...I can breathe again!

We had a wonderful trip to Seattle. Saw all my siblings, ate and drank too much as usual but it was worth it. My mom did pretty well. She is in stage IV renal failure along with many other issues..so she is walking a very tight rope. But she made it..and enjoyed herself which was wonderful to see. There were six great grand kids under the age of 4...so it was a lot of fun. 

Gotto go...I'll be back.

Betsy

So...check this out.  A friend of mine from the gym has an 18 year old exchange student from France visiting for a few weeks. She is a business major so I offered to spend the morning with her taking her to some of my clients, to get a little taste of how American business works.  She was absolutely lovely and we had a wonderful time.

But midway through, I mentioned the breast cancer, and it turns out HER mother had it and went through surgery/chemo/rads 2 years ago.  I couldn't believe it.  It seems like it is EVERYWHERE.  Her mom is doing fine now, though - which I always like to hear. But damn....

Hope everyone is doing well.  I have a surprise to tell you but it will have to wait till Friday. But WHAT a surprise. Wait and see...........................

Amy!  I can't wait!  Please tell us NOW!

Here's my update. My psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist and yesterday I started Wellbutrin. I think it takes a few weeks for the effects to kick in. They both felt that I needed a "kick start" to pull me out of this depression.