Starting Chemo in June 2005

Jenster,
I felt the same way about the interview. I waited all week and was a little disappointed. It seemed like Oprah kept cutting her off from details of her BC which is what I wanted to hear about.
Her chemo description was strange. I know we're all different and I know I got off easy with AC, but three months of extreme pain like none she'd ever known? huh?

Well, she looked good and had a nice sassy 'do! There's hope!

Hello Girls,
I missed Melissa Ethridge not once but twice- I missed the re-run they have on at 7PM as well as the regular Oprah time.

I just felt that I needed to say that although you are all almost finishing up - your Snowflake status does not melt away....

For Cindy, I like to remind everyone that there is not one type of breast cancer. For as many girls that have it- 2 MILLION LIVING WITH IT AS SURVIVORS!- that makes 2 million different types of BC. Make that 2,000,001 including you!

Everyone has an their own body chemistry and immune system, everyone has a different tumor with separate and distinct characterists, so like a snow flake, there are no two women alike- and no two cancers alike.

We can share our experiences, and many are similar, but some may get one side effect where others don't feel a thing. Melissa Ethridge said she was in bed for six months? And in pain? Well, I don't know because I didn't see it- but I once told everyone that chemo can sometimes activate underlying or dormant problems you may have that you didn't know about. One is Arthritis. I know that is how I discovered I had arthritis. But after the chemo it went back into its little hiding place.

Plus, she may have an extremely low threshold of pain and any ache or bump knocks her for a loop. That just means that it happened to HER- it isn't a prediction of what will happen to you in the future. FAR FROM IT!

And for everyone feeling different now that treatment is finishing, remember that everyone processes things in their own unique way. Some people can be chipper and up beat the whole time- And some people feel what is happening to them at the time it is happening.

You see- all of this has to be processed and worked out in your mind and spirits...Let's face it, YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT! And maybe when the hustle and bustle of treatment ends some of the chipper girls may feel a bit at sea - that is NORMAL. It happens when you allow yourselves to FEEL what just happened to you. You may have some down days to work through- but you do get past that.

Some girls are terrified at this point. You are being told to stop fighting. It may feel like you are being told to give up- but the FACT IS: You won. There is nothing left to kill. No more chemo - no more rads- you are done. You conquered and beat back the Beast.

I was one of the girls who felt everything as it was happening. That is fine too. It was my way of getting through it.

So as a Snowflake you will find your Post Cancer Comfort Zone... and the BEST part about that is- the longer you go the more COMFY you get. Give yourselves a time to heal inside- not just the scars and hair growing back. Give yourselves a big break.

Cindy, I just want to reassure you of one thing:
EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. Really. Look at these girls- they are there and back and in one piece. You will be able to not only handle what lies ahead- but you will take it on and attack it so you can get your life back as soon as possible.

The secret now is to NOT PROJECT. Take everything one day at a time, one proceedure at a time. The rest will all fall into place. And before you know it- you WILL be done. And you will be yourself again. Right now you are in the WORST part. The unknown, the what-ifs.... It all gets better from here.... here is my test- I joined these magnificent women when they first were starting their battles. I told them when they were at your stage it was the worst stage and it gets better- as they learn what they needed to learn, took things one step at a time- they would think back now and say- wow I made it!

So JUNESTERETTES??? What have you got to tell Cindy?
Am I right? Wasn't where she is now the worst part? And here you are strong Towandas who made it one piece? Let's let our new sister know!

And one last thing Cindy-

NO SURRENDER.
(It's been four years for me...

Hey Cindy we're all here for you. The hardest part was the beginning-the unknown-it was like that each time something new started. We won't kid you there were days you just want to pull the covers over your head and sleep until it is better. So we did and it got better. Me I just called my mom-I bet she would make Melissa Etheridge look like a strong kick butt Towanda! I remember one time when I was just tired, not really enjoying eating and just whiny I called and and she talked about her painful HANG NAIL the whole time-not a word about how I was doing!! One hour of HANG NAIL pain I am not kidding. By the time we were done I felt better because I was so mad at her She still does does it to me. My favorite lines are: "You can't begin to understand pain." and "You really don't want to get old." WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY THAT TO A CANCER SURVIVOR! (by the way she is young-only 62) I could have my mom call you-she makes EVERYTHING less scary.
I am happy-my surgeon called today she doesn't feel I need radiation she she is going to check in things for me.--See Cindy about worrying each step of the way. But it really is doable. And we all are here when you need us.
Take care all
Bev

Happy Dance for everyone!

As some of you may remember, I've been whining about my back for a while. I had a clean bone scan in June, but last week my onc made me do an x-ray 'just to be sure'. Well with the hurricane and all, they just got around to calling me and telling me it's okay!
I was at Lowe's buying a new hot water heater when they called me. I hugged the poor kid helping me with copper hoses! He'll never be the same having a bald woman with Taco Bell sauce dripped down her shirt hugging him in the middle of the store. I sure hope the other guys don't tease him!
Have a great weekend! Even though my back still feels like it's been put in a vice, I know it will go away when this is all over.

Yay, Watson!! And thanks for the laugh! lol.


Jen

Watson, that's great news!
Congrats to all that are towards the end! I have 4 more Taxotere left...whew!
Had my biopsy, on the left side, today. It was an MRI guided one, so I had to lay with my arms up...and they started to cramp up right before the end. Over all, it wasn't bad, but I had it at 10am and it's 5:30pm and the holes are still bleeding...sigh. My other biopsy didn't have this problem.
I should know on Monday or Tuesday what the results are. Keep your fingers crossed that I'm not starting this journey all over on the left!

Susan - I am so glad you are finished and on to the next stage. I cried while I read your post on leaving the chemo room for the last time. I hope that someday soon you, Rebecca and I will be able to meet.

Jenster - LOL on the hair doo! Enjoy your Christmas lights!

Watson - So happy for you!, the poor kid, lmao.

Scout - I hope that you only receive good news. I will pray for you. Happy dance for you!

NoSurrender - Thanks always for your positive input and strength. You always know what to say to help us through this hard time.

I will be having my last chemo on Oct 13th. Last time it had to be delayed because my CBC came back to low, but this time I will not allow my body take over! I am ready to be done, but also scared. I have been a little weepy the last few days, but I believe that it is because I am being close to being done. I agree that it has been tough being strong for so long. My surgery is scheduled a month after chemo and then rads start a month after that. Just a few more hurdles and I will finish the race.

Cindy - keep coming back because there ladies are wonderful and strong. They will help you so much.

Take care all. Hugs

I'm so very very tired of people starring at me

If I wear a hat, they stare
If I wear a scarf, they stare
If I wear sunglasses, they stare even more
If I wear a bald head, they stare
If I use my "smile", they stare
If I give them a "what are you starring at" look, they still stare.
If I catch their eye whilst they are starring, they wait till they are 1/2 way past me and then turn for another look, am I supposed to have tunnel vision just because I'm bald?

people really can be so very very rude without even uttering a word.

yippee I have another 6 months until I have decent hair.

But a beautiful thing happened to me today, I ran into a girl I went to school with 20 years ago, she greeted me with a rub on the head and said "chemo huh?"...
her mum is a breast cancer survivor...
that one gesture took all the "annoyance" of all the stares away.

Perhaps we need to educate the world that the majority of breast cancer endurers during treatment may not actually look "sick", just bald and beautiful.

Food for thought

Fi

Scout,
Fingers, toes, and eyes are crossed for good news!

Fi,
I'm sorry people stare. Other than maybe the quick double take some people give me, I really don't seem to notice the stares. I'm probably in denial!
I had lunch yesterday with four women I"ve 'met' on this site via the discussion boards or live chat. We were having margaritas and I got a Hot Flash. I whipped off my wig right there at the table and put on a baseball cap!
I am just soooooo over being bald. Gotta say it looked pretty funny with my 'hair' sticking up out of my purse!

Thanks Watson and Dana,

~s~ I know its not just me noticing, a girlfriend who came away with me for the first radiotherapy week noticed it too, and commented by about day 4 that she didn't know how I handled it so well in public.

I really think perhaps it just gets too me later in the week as I get more tired. Then I come back home and play hermit in my house, down on the beach, out at the farm and the frustration goes away.

Dana, I wish I could say I'm being brave, but in all honesty I'm just being pratical, my head overheats even with a scarf and hat, and well a wig, just wasn't in my "Priorities budget" when this is all done I won't have worked my regular job for 10 months, there were simply more essential things to spend money on.

Thanks for the positive thoughts ladies

Best wishes

Fi

Good for you, Dana!

I'm doing pretty good, though I broke a tooth yesterday. I have to go get labs tomorrow morning to make sure I can go to the dentist to get the tooth fixed. Which I'm pretty sure my WBC is going to be low so I don't know what they're going to do. The tooth doesn't hurt (thank goodness for the filling), but it's jagged and hurts my tongue.

Oh, for the days when I can just go to the dentist without anyone else's permission!! Can't wait to be normal like you, Dana!!

Jen

Jen...I chipped a tooth last week. Oncologist said it would be ok as long as dentist didn't have to do anything invasive. He filed tooth down and bonded it...I was in and out of there in no time.

Congrats on your return to work Dana!

Liz