November 2009-Starting Chemo

Linda: I like your thinking about sub stages for IV. If I recall correctly, I would have already been called a IV but they had added that handy IIIC in there.

It's all pretty much just a crap shoot anyway.

Nette: Sorry to hear about the cell phone bill, I am soooo looking forward to those teenage years!! My 16yo neice just had her license a month when she ran into her house, damaged the car and the brick, thought she was in reverse but was in drive, what joys.

Linda, I think that spot under the pec muscle would have put me at a IV if this was years ago. I think that is what I was told when the first scans were done.

I live outside Nashville, if you ever head west, I'll head east and we can meet up somewhere!

My kids are 11 and 13 (they just had their birthdays!). I bought one of those "pay as you go" cell phones where you just add minutes when needed. At this point, they are pretty much with me or their Dad so they have no real use for a cell phone. But, they are little homeschooled freaks (I say that with love, that is what we call ourselves).

This compute stuff is out of control. I can't afford to keep our technology current.

I did treat myself to a little boom box so I could listen to a CD in the kitchen. IPODS, MP3, all that is way beyond my scope. My little $10 boom box is as close as I need to get to the current technology!

Here is the update:

Went to rads, got my zap, saw the doctor that examined me thoroughly the first time. The lump is definitely new. He says it feel like a peanut M & M. (I wonder how they chart that description?).

He said it could be scar tissue but he did have me do a CT scan while I was there.

So, I feel good that it is a valid lump worthy of looking at (I hate feeling like a hypochondriac). I am glad he did not say "wait and see" but of course it scares me that he did the CT on the spot.

I think I must be the most scanned person I know, I have honestly lost count of the PET and the CT and the "with contrast" and the Xrays. It seems highly unlikely that anything could be lurking in there that they don't know about.

I guess I will know something soon enough.

I'll be crocheting on Valium until then.

Personally, I think there is no such thing as a hypochondriac when you've had cancer.  A "lump" put us where we were and so now, every little thing that appears is scary.  Who can blame us for being hyper-vigilant after what we've been through??!!  So, Melinda, you have every right to be concerned.  And a "name" for it also gives us something to Google. 

Yep, those cell phones can be a blessing or a curse.  I put off getting both my kids one until they were well into high school, just not knowing what problems the phones would cause and also cuz I had no desire to start paying for them.

As for the iPods, I have an iPod shuffle that I would not trade for the world!  I have 12 hrs. of music on it and that's what I work out with.  Couldn't imagine taking my daily walks or working out without it.  Is a tremendous motivator for me.  For course, my DD had to load it the first time and now she keeps me straight whenever I want to load or change the tunes.  But, all it does is plays music, skips/replays songs, and has a volume control...no movies, books, or anything else that would confuse me!

Have a great Day!  Nette

Here is today's update:

We don't know what it is.... and we can't stick a needle in the damn thing until after rads are done because I won't heal while taking rads.

So, he is adding a bolus and upping the dose. If it gets bigger, it is probably scar tissue. If it gets smaller, it is soft tissue cancer (it is not growing out of my rib, it is soft tissue).

After rads are done, it will be biopsied.

Personally, I can't see them radiaiting the hell out of something that may be scar tissue, so I don't have a good feeling about it. I did feel sorry for the Rad Onc, he was having such a hard time trying to spit it out, you would think that they would be used to saying stuff like that.

Upping the rads will increase my chance for burns. I hate toting around things like this, just cut the son-of-a-bitch out! Maybe my skin will burn straight through and the damn thing will just fall out!

Alicia, today was my 15th zap. They will start adding the bolus tomorrow.

I will see my Onc next Thursday for my naked Herceptin. Maybe he will have more answers.

I did wear my dreadlocks to my last infusion, he wanted some so I have made a a nice long set. Maybe I can use them for collateral, "you want the dreads??stick a needle in that thing!".

I do understand that they can't cut me open during rads, but a little needle?? You would think that wouldn't be that bad.

But, if it is more cancer, at least a have a little more time to enjoy my cancer free delusional state of mind. And really, there is nothing they would do differently right now. So we up the zapping and hope for the best.

Sue: That is a very good point you made. When they said they are adding a bolus, I felt pretty confidant that they suspect cancer. My feeling is that Rad Onc won't say it since it can't be IDd with certainty without a biopsy.

But when you think about it, that does sound irresponsible "let's just treat it like cancer".

I think my brain says that they know, they just want my regular Onc to tell me. I'll see him Thursday. I am getting real OK with it. If it is spreading, at least it is in the same general area, not somewhere far away. Well, far away would be ok if it was like Mars are something.

ummmm...what's a bolus?

Sue: Are you saying you have lost weight? How did you manage that, I need some tips.

Nette: A bolus is something they put over the spot to trick the machine into thinking you are bigger than you are so the zap will be more superficial. You would think they would just aim the laser higher, but what the hell do I know.

Bolus and boost, my new vocabulary words. I will bolus now and boost later.

I am going to try and enjoy my weekend and just not give a rat's ass.

Just checking in...

Melinda - I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts! Have a great weekend and try not to think about it too much. 

I've just finished # 24, only 4 more to go. I swear I felt the burn today. 2 days off!!

Thanks for the explanation, Melinda. I had Googled it but the explan. there was not what you said.  I'm glad I asked you.  The experience of Sue's husband sounds encouraging.

Not to "rub it in," but I lost 12 lbs. from diagnosis to beginning Taxol.  Part of mine was due to the bad taste buds half-way through and part was at the very beginning with the anxiety after being diagnosed.  The book, After Breast Cancer, says that after treatment, you'll either be 10 lbs. lighter or 15 heavier.  Go figure.

Have a great weekend, everyone!!  Go raise some hell, Melinda!  Nette

Sue: I haven't had my coffee and when I read your post I thought "Oh, rub it in that you lost even more weight!" Ha ha.

Nette: that is interestesting that the book says you will either gain 15 or lose 10, that seems to be pretty true from what we have seen around here. I guess we are all just passing in around.

I found Sue's 22 pounds, Linda found Nette's...

Mabelle: Will you be done Thursday? That is wonderful!

Big Hug to everyone, have a great weekend.

Melinda: Sorry sweetie - I'm still fat though. Over here we are metric and use kilograms. I've lost 10kg which doesn't sound so much to me. It only sounds big when I convert to pounds.

You've got more hair than me - that's more important

Sue

Stupid me bought Spanx one time. It's like medieval torture. Only a man could come up with that type of bondage! Should it hurt when you put on a girdle? Hmmmmm....

Sue:  I think you have just instantly made everyone feel so much lighter!! 

Mabelle:  You're on the last stretch!!!  You can see the finish line!!  You go, girl!!!

My sister bought some Spanx one time and told me she never did  get them up!  Medieval torture is right.

I think I might actually need a real haircut within the next 2 weeks:  It' s past the tops of my ears now.  Still not growing very fast on the crown or on my forehead.  Will take me a long time to have bangs, if I decide to have them.  I must say the short -do is sure cooler in the 100+ temps we just had in Northern VA.

Happy Sunday!!  Nette