Starting Chemo in June 2005

Have a fantastic time! I can't wait to hear all about it. I'll just live vicariously through you while I'm living the hermit life. lol.

Thanks for your thoughts, too. I'm leaning heavily toward walking for the immune boost that I'll probabl get from it.

Jen

Liz, I love the idea of Towanda awards! I also loved when you said "we are staying till the last of our troops cross the border." That was cool. BTW, I also have one eyebrow with about 1/3 more hair than the other...what's up with that?

Bev, I also liked how you asked for the ones who have finished to stay and hold the rest of our hands...that kind of made me choke up!

JoMac, I loved the James Brown lyrics, that was a hoot!

Scout, congratulations on your teeny little tumor!! Yay for the chemo working!! I also had some bad pains on Taxol. Did they give you anything for the pain? My onc gave me Lortab and that did wonders. I got depressed, too. I wonder if that is related to the Taxol or just because we're so tired at this point.

Rebecca, what kind of tests does your onc want to do before rads? We should try to get together one of these days since we are near each other, and Minerva can come down from Wyoming! We need to celebrate getting so close to the finish line!

Watson, I'm hoping you don't need to use your wig for a flotation device! But seriously, I pray you will be safe!

To everyone else, have a wonderful weekend and take care!

Sorry I got stuck on the first page.

Welcome Brenda S..you came to the right place..if you read through our posts, I'm sure a lot of your questions will be answered. The idea of a port kind of depressed me at first, but it has worked well and I'm glad I have it (although I will be glad when it's out!)

Fi...I would base the hair decision on your feelings rather than what you think you would need to explain to others. If the fuzzy down feels good...enjoy it! Most people should be able to figure it out without asking! For a while I was wearing different styles and colors of wigs. Those who knew what was going on voted on which ones they liked best. Got some strange looks from others, but few asked any questions!

Nancy..I think the selective brow loss is just one of those chemo mysteries! I am surprised at how the pencil does the trick....I am not good at make up and thought it would be more trouble. As far as not leaving our troops behind...what kind of army would we be if we did that:)

Dana, I forget, do you find hot flashes to be annoying? Instead of wigs, maybe we should have little hats with windshield wipers.

Met with my rad/onc yesterday to work out treatment plan. I will have simulation done on 11/4. She is a very petite and pretty woman that doesn't look a day over 12. My first thought when she walked into the exam room was that it must be "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day". She assured me that she is old enough and has been through medical school. She is on the serious side, but a good communicator so I think it will work out well.

For those of you that have been working through all this...are you starting to feel more worn down? It took me pretty much the whole week to feel somewhat back to the new "normal" after Taxotere # 2. I will wait to see what happens after # 3, but I am considering modifying my work schedule. I guess what I am wondering is that if I have more time to rest would I feel less worn out. I sleep fairly decently with the help of Lunesta. I don't do much at home (husband helping...and some things will just have to wait). I would rather be at work than lying on the couch looking at the dust on the ceiling fan...but on tough days at work I feel kind of overwhelmed. Any thoughts or ideas?

Liz

Dana - You don't like hot flashes??? It's becoming a joke around here. I'll be in mid-sentence and all of a sudden whip off my hat or just start fanning myself saying, "Hot Flash! Hot Flash!" Now my kids are anticipating it and when I start to "whip" they start the chant for me. They also come over and start blowing on me.

Do you remember that scene from Home Alone where the thief's head catches on fire and he dowses it in the snow? That image plays through my mind every time I get a hot flash.

When will they go away, I wonder.

I'm having my port out in the Dr's office on Thurs.
I would have preferred doing it as an out patient because I would have been unconcious but this was the only way I could get it done before starting radiation.
So I will take some ativan and hope for the best .
The hot flashes have continued as has the eye gooey-ness.
But other than that I feel much better.
I've gained about five pounds in the two weeks since chemo ended.
I hope that doesn't continue.
I have my appt. with the radiologist on Monday.
It will be an hour long drive both ways.
I guess this will be our life for a while.

Yea Saleboat!! So happy for you!! Pretty soon we'll all be saying we're done. Oh Happy Day!!

Watson - I'm glad all's well with you. We're sitting here in Central Arkansas praying that we get some rain. They're planning for flooding to our south, but it's looking like it may not be as bad as they originally expected. Yay!

I had felt really good until this morning. Nothing major, though. Just tired and achy - but definitely manageable. But it's a great weekend to have nothing better to do than sit around and get caught up on the first season of "Lost". The kids hung Christmas lights last night and we camped out in the living room. lol. It was pretty fun until 2:00 and I had to go find my bed. Wasn't getting much sleep out there. We're going to try it again tonight. Silly, isn't it? Next weekend the husband will be home so this week we're just playing.

In a couple of hours I go for my first radiology appt. This weekend has been up and down. Saturday I was fine. I had a regular kind of day. Sunday I was tearful and anxious all day.
I have been reading books about moving on beyond the treatment phase.
I feel like I will have to read hundreds before I "get it".
This anxiety is just below the surface stalking me.
I did call my regular G.P. about it we agreed to try a tiny bit of ativan during the day to keep the anxiety under control. I already take two at bedtime.
Now I am having trouble giving myself permission to use ativan during the day. I feel like I should be able to tough it out or come to terms with the uncertainty.
Nobody is putting these perameters on me.
It is hard to know what to do. I expect a little experimentation will probably give me the answers I am looking for.
How do you all seem to cope with the anxiety so well?
Am I just too much of a "naval gazer" with too much time on my hands?
How do you handle hearing of people you know who are not doing well since finishing treatment?

Had my second Taxotere today....only 4 more to go! I found out that the spots on my left breast are .6 and .9cm big. The dr doesn't want to biopsy them until the third week of October. Chemo will be over then. I'm thinking more and more about having a double mastectomy. I just have had too many scares over the past several months and I think I would feel safer having them off. Even if the the spots are B9, I am tired of the scares. First they thought, for sure, I had cancer in my nodes. Then, they thought for sure, I had cancer in my lungs, Then, they thought I had ovarian cancer, and now the spots on my left breast. Whew....that's alot of scares!
I know it's an option for me, unless the left turns out to BE cancer, but one I'm considering more and more.
Anyone else going through this?

Mindy I love it!! I do so miss the funny stuff I used to hear at school. Last week while waiting for the bus my 5 year old told the neighbor he was headed for work to which she replied looks like you are taking the bus to school. He said"You see I have to to take the bus, someone lost my car keys." They so funny aren't they:)
Well I met with the rad doctor, she is young and smart and really thinks I need to do it. I guess I met three of the five standards. What do you all think? I mean up until last week it was I was fine without, now it is you should do this. Why the change? I only get a shrug for that. I appreciate all in put here.
Yesterday I got to be the knowledgable vet. All new people with me. I didn't want to scare them to I told them it was all doable and not ALWAYS bad. Was that wrong-or do you think I should have been more honest? I am not sure I would have gone back if I have known about parts of these treatments. What to you think?
Six more Taxols
Hugs and prayers to all
Bev

Pneumonia!? I'm so sorry. I had to go pick up my 10-year-old daughter because she threw up at school. Apparently there's a stomach virus going around. Yay.

My MIL is paying to have a lady come in every other week and clean my house. You know, bathrooms, floors, dusting, etc. It's quite nice except for that the house has to be picked up for her to do her thing. I find myself working even harder preparing for her to come and clean than I would if I was just doing it all myself. **sigh**

Has anyone's periods returned? I finished with chemo almost 3 weeks now and I have been having some mild low back pain and some cramping, all signs of my period coming before cancer struck! Could my cycle come back this quick after chemo? It seems kind of sudden but what do I know? Thanks!

Cathi

Brenda S,
Thankyou for your suggestion. Anti-depressents have not worked for me in the past. The side effects have been too powerful.
The good news is when I met with the radiologist on Monday she prescribed an anti-anxiety drug called clonapan. This drug works for a longer period of time than ativan.
So for the past two days I have been trying this new drug. I have found 1/2 of what she recommended keeps me from feeling the fear that had become my constant companion.
Once that fear got "turned on" I wasn't able to turn it off.
Part of this is the realization of my cancer stage. (Although no surrender assures me this is no longer a cause for deep concern).
Tomorrow I have my port out in the surgeons office. I will take the full amount of clonopan for that.
I will continue to use this drug since I can see it could give me a quality of life back that I had clearly lost.

Just got back from my CBC. White count was, as usual, low, but not enough for the Neupagen. I'm glad, too, because the last time I got Neupagen one week after chemo it threw me off schedule by a week. So I anticipate the shots next week, which will boost my WBC enough for chemo in two weeks. SOOOO, if I can stay on this schedule I only have five weeks left!!

My nurse called in a prescription for diflucan. The magic mouthwash is hardly touching the thrush. It's so disgusting!!

So here I am, living in a bubble with a fuzzy tongue.

Jennifer