Starting Chemo April 2009

Amy, good to hear your results ..... I think we all relate to the vulnerability. Once you've had bc, I think you carry a sense of fragility.

I'm still feeling sad a lot. But I go to work. I'm getting ready for the wedding. Only 3 weeks to go. It's difficult spending time getting ready to look "good" when nothing I do will make me look good at this time. I want my kids to be happy and I don't want to do anything that will take away from their happiness. So I don't say anything and I'm doing my best.

Thanks everyone. It helps to know I have your support.

Amy ~ I'm so happy to hear your good results!  Hang in there!

Alaina

Feeling SO MUCH BETTER today. I just needed a good night's sleep to put the anxiety behind me. I woke up today detemined to go forward as the new, healthy, POST-TREATMENT me.

Got a really short haircut today in preparation for the wedding. I LOVE IT. (photo to follow) My hair was so thick and bushy it was like a THATCHED ROOF. It was hard to get it wet all the way through in the shower. The poor hairdresser was afraid to cut too much (she has been with me through everything) and I kept saying "Cut more off, I mean it."  So she did. And I love it.

Went to Macy's and got a wonderful makeup lady to help me find the right shade of dermablend to cover my scar (in the dress I am wearing to the wedding, it will show). She also helped me pick out jewelry to go with my dress. It was like having a personal shopper - she kept saying "You deserve this!"  It was super fun and I felt very pampered. So now I have the scar makeup and jewelry (and of course the dress/shoes) and I am READY.  Well, I do have to color the grey in my hair this weekend, but THEN I will be all ready!

So I made it through the test and came out the other side. Whew.

Thank you again everyone. I will return the favor when it is someone else's turn.

Love

Amy

Wishing you all a great weekend! Amy, so pleased to hear that you are feeling more upbeat!

Titan - my hair is so curly, I find it very hard to manage : )

I will try and write over the weekend.

Hugs to you all, Judy xxx

Hi, everyone.  Sorry for not checking in sooner - I have been busier than I thought I would be with this job search - I am spending 75% of my time "working" on looking for jobs - and I'm branching out from marketing to all kinds of different fields - executive assistant, etc.  It's brutal out there - so many people applying for the same jobs - half the time I don't hear back from the employer at all!  Went on a couple of interviews, one of them was for something I would like, but it's 45 min. away (I've never had to commute more than 20-25 min., so it would take some getting used to), but if the money is right, I'll take it.  Keeping a spreadsheet of everything I've applied for with details, and trying not to be depressed, which is harder as the weeks go on (one month now!).  Very different job market than before, where if you wanted a job, you could pretty much get it.  I know I am stressed over this, been having to take my heart medication (for an irregular heartbeat, only need to take it usually occasionally, now, every day) and am breaking out in hives.  Trying to remain upbeat and energetic, and am losing my mind staying home!!!  I am such a go-go-go person that one month home, even though I have been busy with the search and all, is not for me.  I don't want to get too involved in any big projects, because if I start working then everything is hanging.  It's nuts!

Geri, I would love to help you plan your Hereceptini party!!  I love to organize events!

Got the official mammo results - said there were no huge changes from last year, nothing to be alarmed about.  That's good, and the onc's office was pleased, so I guess that is good.  They haven't mentioned to me about going on any more AIs, so maybe I'm done.  I should have a 3 month follow up coming soon, at least I need to get one more in before the insurance goes away in September, unless I am on a new plan by then.  Waiting for the paperwork to come in for COBRA and I guess I'll see what the premiums are on that.  I hear it's expensive.

Helen, how are you?  Amy, whew, I'm relieved it's just a cyst.  I had many of those over the years when I had my ovaries - too much estrogen bubbling over!  Your super curly hair looked like mine before I had it trimmed a few weeks ago.  I'm going to get mine relaxed a little next week - with the incredible heat and humidity that arrived here in south Florida a few weeks ago, even though I painstakingly blowdry and flatiron my hair into a cute little short hairstyle, spending just FIVE minutes outside turns it into a curly mess.  I tried to work the curly hair last weekend, just to see and it looked JUST like Rizzo from Grease.  Just not me - I think it makes me look too old.  If I wanted to 'fro it up, it would be a super fro.  We could all go as '70s girls with our "natural" hair, tie dye and peace signs.  Lena, hope you're doing okay on Aromasin.  Femara was terrible for me too and isn't it amazing at how quickly you feel better (normal) when you stop taking it??  Titan, I agree - the "cancer" subject can make some family members very uptight - my sister still won't really talk about mine, my treatment or anything.  Just glazes right over it, like if she doesn't think about it, it never happened.

I don't have any photos yet, but I was chosen as one of the calendar girls for the group I volunteer with, Pink Tie Friends (www.pinktiefriends.org) for their 2011 calendar.  We did my shoot at the beach, at my old bosses (not the one who laid me off, this was a previous employer) beach house - I wore my typical outfit - t-shirt and jeans, bare feet (or flipflops) and we took a few different shots.  I'm nervous - I don't photograph well, I get too stiff and weird in the pictures, I like being BEHIND the camera.  When I have a chance to get some of the shots, I'll post them.

Have a great weekend, ladies.  Everyone relax, enjoy and smile. 

Thank God I'm not the only one struggling with my hair still. I've kept mine short...but it's so curly on top and straight on the sides, I wake up every morning looking like Lyle Lovett....Eee gads! I may have to try a flat iron. If it works for the nut, it may work for a duck.

Amy, I am so glad to hear your good news. Although, just a warning if your cyst ruptures it's VERY PAINFUL. Hope you have some pain meds on hand. I'm glad you felt pampered on your shopping trip...plus it sounds like you got a little bling bling for the wedding. Good for you!  

I saw a women tonight when walking with a shaved head. Wow...what a flood of memories.

I had a set back this week. Didn't have time to go to the gym much and my red hot momma returned. I called for an appointment with my PT and she reassured me that everything is ok. She said the more I exercise the better my lymph fluid flows and it's normal to have occasional set backs now and again. I'm starting to think my new normal is going to be a constant battle keeping the lymph fluid from building up in my breast. Oh well, I guess it could be worse.

Judy - Happy Birthday! I had chemo on my birthday last year. This year is so much better isn't it?  I read an article about it this past week and thought of you. It was about almonds and how quickly they help with heartburn. I thought you might want to give it a try the next time you have a bout.   

Geri - Love your posts. What night is are next martini night? What's the count down number? Maybe by the end of this I might have a better appreciation for martini's.

Hi all, it was great to read all of your posts this morning, although I don't have much time to write today. Some of our family leaves today and some are staying for another couple of weeks.

Betsy - hope you are feeling better soon. Amy - hope you are still enjoying your good news! Chelev - good luck with the job search! Can you tell me which product you used to relax your hair. I cannot find one that is suitable for me and I do not like the curls on me at all.

Titan - You are so right! We are so different now, I hardly recongnize myself sometimes, both inside and out. Having all of you has been such a life line for me.

Helen - how are you doing and how are all your wedding plans going?

Lena - how's things? Geri - counting down the days with you!

I had a lovely birthday and it was certainly much more fun than last year. I have found the weekend so exhausting though, I am worn out.

Hugs to you all, have a good weekend, Judy xxx

Lena - good to hear from you! Sorry that you are not feeling so great again. I had a great birthday, thanks! So much better than last year.

Take care all you ladies,

Hugs to all, Judy xxx

Geri - I am so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. I will definitely say a prayer for her. She has a good friend and support in you - I can say that from experience. It will obviously bring it all back to you, as do so many things, and you can always come here to get things off your shoulders. That is what we are all here for - good times and not so good times.

How is everyone else doing? Helen? The wedding is getting close now - you must all be very excited. Lena - I agree with Geri, if things between you and PR work, then "if it ain't broke...." Always thinking about you.

Chelev - how are you doing? Any joy on the job front?

Amy - hope you are once again enjoying getting back to some "normality". Titan - where are you? Betsy - how are things?

If anyone knows of a mild hair relaxer, could you give me the details? I am soooo fed up of the curls!

Hope you all have a wonderful day! Hugs to you all,

Judy xxx 

Meredith -

Of course you are welcome to join our thread. However, this particular one is for women who started chemo in April of LAST YEAR, 2009!  So we are all done and a year past everything and our situations may not be as relevant to you as a thread for women who are going through chemo with you now.

Maybe someone here will be able to chime in re the Taxol. I didn't have it, so can't offer any advice. Also my kids are grown so no help there either.
Just wanted to say welcome and possibly steer you to a more current group.

Best wishes for you to get through all this. It really is a challenge but you can do it. We all did!

Amy

Judy, I had my hair relaxed with a mini keratin treatment that they did at the salon.  It was $65, but worth EVERY penny.  I had it done yesterday, and they did a pre-treatment of something that relaxed it even more.  She hit it with a flatiron and I am not to wash it for another couple of days.  It should last about 2 months, because I don't wash every day.  OMG, it made my hair so soft and non-curly.  We'll have to see what it looks like after I wash and style it.  I need to do a color touch up too, because it lightened my hair some, but it is straight, straight straight. 

Nothing new on the job front - I'm broadening the search even wider, and may start looking at retail (ugh, thought I  was over that part of my life), but only jobs that offer insurance.  Lena, yeah, I just got the paperwork on COBRA, and good thing I was laid off before May 10 of this year, because they are providing a subsidy discount where the gov't picks up 65% of the cost, putting my portion at around $350 a month for health, dental and vision.  Hopefully we'll be able to swing it.

I've been doing manual lymphatic drainage on myself - I have a lot of congestion in the breast still, and a very tender nipple area with discharge.  I see my surgeon in August and will ask him about it then.  The MLD helps, as does wearing my sleeve occasionally.  Otherwise, feeling pretty good.  I've been in a slump where I haven't been working out the last month (gee, wonder why) but got out at 6:15 this morning for a walk/jog (okay, more walk than jog) and it felt sooooo good, I need to pick up and start again.  If for nothing else, then to just bolster my self esteem and well being.  Trying really hard not to start in with junk food and eat all day.  Eating as healthy as I can, lots of fruit and veg, limiting bread, etc.  Its so easy to fall back into the bad zone.  Have any of you tried the Jello dark chocolate mousse??  60 calories and it is incredible!!!!  1 large glass of vino each night, right now it is too hot for red, unless it is the light beujolais I had last night, otherwise, chardonnay, pinot grigio, etc. are my summer staples.

Lena, Betsy has a good point.  I also cannot at all tolerate the hormone stuff, but I did really well on tamox (except for developing an allergy to it) - it is a natural vag lubricant too, so the benefits there were pretty darn good, but there was NO bone pain, NO fatigue, nothing like Femara or Aromasin.  There is also another alternative to tamox, can't remember the name of it, but it begins with an "f" - I tried that too but had the hive issue.  Try that, if your onc is game, because the se's are minimal.

Good wishes to everyone - have a great day.

Hi Meredith and welcome....I just wanted you to know that there are forums for young women w/bc on this board...also forums for triple negative on this board too (I'm tn too)...lots of place you can go to find out your info.

I did take taxol also...ac and taxol....it was "different" than AC..but still chemo...it took longer than AC but you don't have to take all those anti naseua drugs! 

I'm still here!  .....I have been soo busy...this summer is going to fly by!

The Ohio storms were not near us..thankfully....

Hiya again. 

It's my birthday today and all I can think is how I wish I had never been born. Why do people celebrate birthdays anyway? (Never mind, don't answer, it's just a rhetorical question...)

Um well, OK, moving right along...

Geri, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Bonnie being diagnosed with lung cancer. :-(

Judy -- what's going on in your world? You keep replying to the rest of us but don't say anything about you -- or am I just still chemo-brained and not noticing?

Helen -- I hope you're feeling OK. {{{{{Helen}}}}}

Meredith -- hi there, sure it's OK if you're here, but you'd probably relate more with the April 2010 chemo group. I did AC, but my T was taxotere, not taxol, and I did it WITH the AC. Someone on the Stage IV board calls it "taxoterrible" and I have to agree. No worries about kids or fertility for me either -- I hate kids and got spayed years ago (15 years before breast cancer) to make sure I wouldn't have any -- by far and away, that was the smartest decision I ever made in my entire life!

Titan -- glad the storms didn't get you!

Chelev and Betsy: I would LOVE to go back on Tamoxifen, certainly compared to this aromatase inhibitor crap. I WAS on Tamoxifen with ALMOST no SEs from 7.30.09 (the week after my last chemo) until February of this year. However, the SE I got was that deep vein thrombosis in my splenic portal vein, and THAT's why my oncologist took me off the Tamoxifen, ordered me to get all those horrible Lovenox injections/transitioned me onto Coumadin, which I'm STILL taking because my platelets are STILL too low (meaning, I still have the clot even though I stopped Tamoxifen and have been treated/am still taking medication for it. I have my next series of scans next week (PET, CT and Bone) so it'll be interesting to find out how the clot situation reads from THERE..

So since the chemotherapy pushed me the rest of the way into menopause (it's official, I'm now postmenopausal: my last period was 4.22.09) and I can't take Tamoxifen because of the clot issue, that's why my oncologist put me on AIs. Now if I wasn't a Stage IV and hormonal treatment was simply a matter of reducing the risk of RECURRENCE if I took it, I would have said no I'm not going anywhere near that stuff (AIs anyway: Tamox didn't initially scare me like AIs did/do, so THAT I'd have at least agreed to try anyway), based on my nasty reaction to birth control pills when I was younger. But not only is my cancer not all gone, I'm nowhere near remission -- even though it's much smaller, I do still have a palpable tumor in my right breast, and the bone met too. Which means I have to take this crap to control my cancer.

BUT...(ooh, my Pack Rat just called me, squeeeeek!) ... we were talking the other day (he actually called me from work in the middle of the day on Monday!) and now tonight too and with our respective web researches, think we "hit on it" so I gotta call the psychiatrist and schedule an appointment with him to discuss it. My problem being dopamine deficiency brought on by first the chemo killing my estrogen, then the anti-cancer hormonal therapy killing my estrogen -- my entire list of physical, emotional and cognitive complaints/side effects is also on the list of dopamine deficiency symptoms, and estrogen deprivation messes up dopamine! So maybe there's a way I can up my dopamine to compensate and still be able to take the AIs to control my cancer.

So I'll give the shrink a call tomorrow when I get back from having the car inspected.

Oh, one more thing....2 pounds down, 28 to go. Too bad by the time I lose 'em and would look decent again, I'll have to be all bundled up for freezing weather!

~Lena.

Chelev - Thanks for the hair tips! Oh to be straight again, my hair that is. LOL

Have you tried any compression garments for the truncal LE? MLD helps tremendously but so do the garments. The best is the Jovi...yes it squashes your boob with waffle iron imprints but it doesn't hurt. I wear it every night. On my bad days I wear a smaller pad that fits under the compression bra during the day. I use a Wear Ease compression bra. It looks like an exercise bra. Exercise is good, at least that's what my PT keeps telling me. She says it gets the lymph fluids flowing through the diagram correctly. Good luck.

Sounds like you are approaching your job situation the best you can. We are all rooting for you on the job front.

Titan -glad to hear you are ok. It's been miserable weather here lately. Cold, rainy and it has not let up but no tornado's TG. I'm ready for summer...or at least a little heat like something in the 60's or 70's would be nice. They are forecasting a good weekend but we are headed to eastern OR for a Board meeting and the good weather is not suppose to hit there until Sunday (the day we leave).

Geri - Congrats...your down to FIVE!!! The end is near, I bet you can't wait!

Lena - Happy Birthday and I hope you get some good news from your call with the psychiatrist. Sometimes it really does feel like it's up to US (not the docs) to figure out/solve our own problems. Frustrating when we are medical outsiders......

 Helen - good luck w the hairdresser.  Crazy about the G20!  All I am worrying about for my daughter's wedding on the 19th is the WEATHER - not any protesters!  I hope it all goes well and they STAY AWAY from your joyous occasion.

Everyone else - keep on trucking. We are so much better off than we were at this time last year when we were all beaten down by chemo and struggling to get through. Even with our extra weight, various aches/pains and problems, I'm still glad it is 2010, not 2009!