Not doing well - PTSD?

I rarely post here anymore but I do check in - I just wanted to stop and give you a hug.

This is not easy stuff - I agree that going back to the Effexor is a good plan.  Why suffer if you dont have to. 

I dont have much to add other than you are in my thoughts and I hope you get some relief soon.

Yes, Effexor does sound like a good plan.  Thinking of you and hoping you feel better very soon.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard you have worked to get where you are emotionally, and all that's happened is that you have tripped over an ugly tree branch.

I made it through treatment ok, but any additional illness or threat completely destroys me. I have been known to drive to a doctor's appointment (like a primary care physician, for a parathyroid check) weeping all the way.

I truly believe that you are entitled to not feel the way you do, and would encourage you to use something to take the edge off.

Incidentally, if you had any issues with Effexor, don't forget that you can now take any pills you want! You aren't limited to things that interfere with tamox metabolism!

Lexi

just wanted to let you know i am thinking of your; all of this stuff....is just so hard. returning to the effexor is a good idea. remember; depression and PTSD is a physical issue; not all emotional. we think it is emotional...but the reason why we respond to anitdepressants is because it is medicine...which helps us physically//emotionallty.  depression, trauma...all the treatments...all the tweeking of our hormones...affects our bodies..which affects our feelings about life...ourselves..  my wish for you is that once you restart the effexor..you will begin to feel better. 

 keep writing to us. it really helps to put it all out there....and know you are not alone.

Gosh, Lexislove, I understand 110% of where you are coming from!  I know what you are saying about every little ache you feel you think that something is wrong.  It is completely normal to feel that too because look at what the 3 years that you have been through.

Who would have ever thought that they would have cancer?  It is a blow and after you know your body didn't do it's job to purge all bad cells, you automatically think it is happening again..you have been through it once and it influences how you see EVERYTHING.

All I can really say, is that I understand.  I am having to deal with an ovarian cyst and the Dr. wanted to do a hysterectomy...well, knowing I would never have HRT, I said 'no'...but I didn't know that it was a COMPLEX cyst...So I am sitting here freaking out that every little pain is the cyst growing.  Enough to drive  you nuts.

I understand about not wanting another pill on top of everything that you are already taking...what we have lived through is a hard path to walk.

It's a tough road for everyone here, and don't ever worry about the newbies.  I actually think posts like yours help us understand that the end of treatment (chemo/rads) doesn't mean we're dancing through daisies. It requires an incredible amount of emotional energy to deal with the unknown and I think that you are right to be proactive and think about using an antidepressant. From what I understand, a prolonged depression can actually change the chemistry of your brain.  It's best to treat it soon and then if warranted, you can wean yourself off.

Sorry about the lymphodema. Another area, like the psychological effects of living with this type of dx ,that could use more research.

Enjoy your massage.

Dear Sweet lexislove,  my heart so goes out to you.  PTSD is a "natural response to an unnatural traumatic event"  God knows this BC bitch is so foreign and unatural to what we as women are, and is so traumatizing.  Just even from the beginning it is sooooo traumatizing from the very moment we are told we have breast cancer.  Then with everything that follows is another nightmare.  Lexislove, I too have PTSD.  Was diagnosed and treated for it in 1999.  Went thru a lot of therapy for PTSD.  Panic attacks are also part of this condition. I was in treatment for it for several years, and was put on Effexor full doses.  I was told I will probably always have to take it, although I only take 75 mgs a day now.  But I think it's an excellent drug for depression and maybe your doc can also give you something for anxiety also.  I was given Ativan along with the Effexor.  I had gone thru an extremely traumatic event that brought on the PTSD that had been in me from childhood trauma,and came on full blown during the severe traumatic event in 1999. I actually went into the hospital for treatment at a specific center for treating PTSD.  Although I was able to finally become successful in overcoming it and all I had gone thru, I do notice that since I've gone thru this BC thing,  I do get a little isolating, and have my dark periods and become extremely anxious.  I know that I need to stay on the Effexor and take the anti anxieties if needed also because I know PTSD can rear its ugly head with new traumatic events.  I have not seen a therapist in years, and sometims wonder if sometimes I should, but I guess because I've already been thru so much therapy during those years learning how to manage and control my tirggers that bring on the depression and panic, I just feel a therapist is only going to say things I already know and have learned.  Besides, this board is my therapy now.  So take care sweat heart and don't feel down over PTSD. Again, it's a Natural reaction to Unatural traumatic events.

Barb

Hi Lexi,

I am so sorry your feeling this way. I have admired you as you have always been so upbeat and reach out to so many women here on the boards. I had not heard of Effexor and will be asking my Onc about it. I too need something to help me out as I am constantly consumed with this damn disease and wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. I am thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way! I am hoping that surgery goes smooth for you and you have a quick recovery.

Hugs

Frankie

Dear Lexilove:  I am sorry your feeling this way and I get it.  I am almost three years out and I have been hypervigilant about my cancer returning.  I do have swollen underarms and my groin hurts and swell after walking about two blocks and I am waiting on my tests for this.  I hate feeling like this, it's all I think about I am reading Oncoblast info, but it is so out of hand.  I think it is PTSD as well.  I just finishe reading Wally Lambs book, the hour I furst believed.  And it was about his wife and PTSD and everything she went through and put her family through and I got to thinking that boy oho boy it sounds like me.  I also had the Cpy2d6 test, but no one has given me an answer the test was on Nov 9th 2007 my last chemo, (before herceptin) but I don't know what the results are, when I called the clinical trial number it was disconnected.  I wish with all my heart I could bounce back to my old self, go to work, not be in pain every single day.  But I think I will do the same as you and see about some strong antidepressants.  What is really weird is that I have had suicidal ideation, and my sister called a week ago and she mentioned to me that she was thinking that way as well.  I would never act on it and that is what she said, but it scared me.  It felt so good to be able to share my ideation with my sister, made it go away.  But not for long.  I wouldn't ever do it, it would traumatize my children way to much, But I am tired of waking up sick waking up tired, or not being able to sleep.  I have never used Effexor, but if it's working for others I will ask for it, how long does it take to kick in.  Oh and Lexilove, it's Paxil that infterfere's with tamoxifen and that is the only antidepressant I have read about so far, I even posted the artical on bc.or.  Didn't talk to anyone just posted it.  The fear of this cancer return has taken over my life, with every bump, bruise, pain I seem to think it's cancer why am I doing this.  I watched the documentary Sexycancer (I think that was the name) and I remember thinking about the one women who continued to feel pain and couldn't believe her cancer was gone, I remember thnking it wa so sad, and now I'm doing it.  I will call tomorrow about getting some help for this,  Thank you Lexilove for writing your so very honest words, I would never have writtien this without them, I need help! 

Thank you Ikc: Stress is the worst thing and it does cause so many physical problems I could kick myself for being in denial for so long.  Thank you for the your reply and I really can't wait to see if there will be a real diffeence.  Jeeesh, if this pain was caused from stress alone and I did nothing for so long , I will be relieved but I certainly will feel stupid, because I know better, How is that when it comes to myself I can't or won't give myself a break, I have wasted almost a year tottally isolating and blaming the whole sheebang on cancer.    I aml lucky that lately I've been lurking  (and found Lexilove's post). I couldn't seem to talk much, denial again, I am so good at that and I hate that I do it. I know better I even taught action plans to avoid depression, panic attacks the whold shebang.  But of course I didn't want to admit where I really was with my emotions.  I am so very happy that I found Lexilove's post or I never would have opened up.  I wante to start an advocates group up here in my small town and boy that would have been a huge mistake, I have to fix myself emotionally before I ever think of helping another cancer patient.  When I first moved by up North I went to three funerals all good friends and all passed from cancer.  And I still missed it. Live and hopefully learn,  And you are right it will get easier, i can't wait until I can send a post feeling human again.  Thank you Ikc and Lexilove  good night and good luck. 

(((((((Lexi))))))) and (((((((SnowyDay)))))))), we're all in this together.  I hope you wake up today feeling healthier and stronger....I hope you find the right meds to help you feel better.

Dear sweet sisters,

I can relate so much to what you have all eloquently stated.  We are real people, dealing with a horrible thing.  When I was going through chemo my brain was so fried I wanted to die.  I was so depressed.  My family and my faith and my sisters here got me through it.  I am a psychologist by profession--I "know" all the things to do to help ourselves.  It was just so overwhelming.  I am in a good place now, and I pray and send love to all my sisters who are suffering. I am proud of the honesty in this group--we are who we are, we feel what we feel, and it is ok to say that we are scared, hurting, sad, depressed, anxious, etc. That is our truth.  Please don't be afraid to reach out to professional therapists--and keep searching till you find the one for you.  In sisterhood. xo

Lexi,

Just wanted to drop in and say hi. I am thinking of you! Hope you had a better day today!

Hugs

Frankie