Not doing well - PTSD?

mmm5

Dear Lexi, my friend-

Here we are again, we have conferred several times and seem to follow a similar course. I hit 2 years last month and can say that this is the first time I have posted in a long time, I had 2 months where I barely thought of bc and rarely wanted to come on except to check on some friends. I have never taken anything in my life but after a very scary time with pain in back and many scans I fell apart and started taking Lexapro. I have wanted to go off it several times but my family keeps reminding me of how I would lay around and be scared and cry etc. After starting Lexapro I felt back to normal ....almost.

Anyway what I wanted to remind you is that for us premenopausal women, instant menopause is a REAL PHYSICAL issue, I just got back from the eye doctor and he told me my eyes had declined hugely in last year and they were all dried out, I asked why and he said hormonal changes. Both my Onc's state that the depression and anxiety are not just emotional with the PTSD from the trauma but from real physical stress to our bodies from instant menopause and thats why they wanted me on antidepressant and it really helped. Now I just had a check up and after 2 months of bliss and feeling like a million bucks I got a low WBC and low neutrophil which is common after a year of chemo but it really through me for a loop and I absoulutely am a mess again I have been extremely light headed and instead of thinking of the anxiety and med side effects I am imagining the worst possible scenario. SO.... you can go from very good to very bad very quickly, I think the Anti depressant and a good therapist are instramental in recovering from this nightmare.

Be Well!!!

Monty

Hi Ladies,

I totally agree with what everyone is saying.  I too thought that after the surgery, chemo, rads, herceptin I would be able to put this thing behind me and move on.  The initial treatment was a breeze in comparison to the hormonal stuff, and the emotional nightmare!!!  I keep hoping that one day I'll wake up and not think about BC at all, but I don't think that is going to happen.  I have my regular 3 month check up next week and already I'm worrying.  I had bone scans etc a month or so ago and never heard anything back so normally I would assume no news is good news but .... you know the story.  I am almost two years out but they have kept me at 3 monthly checks as I had suspicious mammos last year and they want to keep an eye on this particular area.  I so wish that we could all get past thinking that every lump, bump, ache or pain is a recurrence but it looks like I'm not on my own.  It's so nice to be able to voice concerns here without being judged.  Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories.

 Here's to a great weekend.

Love Gaynor