Back to Work!

Kim

I completed me student teaching and I think it wasn't the exhaustion that was difficult, it was the emotional end.  I had a difficult time dealing with politics when my priorities were so not with teaching.  I wanted to be home with my kids and I wanted to be taking advantage of every moment the way I wanted.  I guess I just didn't want to waste any time doing stuff that I didn't love.  I also wasn't willing to push myself for late nights or long hours because my health came first at all times.  I ended up hating the whole experience and am now back at home with my kids and exercising and getting my rest.  You are right the petty stuff people complain about is just so inconsequential now and it is hard to lend a sympathetic ear, but I am hopeful one day I will gripe about the menialities again as well.

No advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone. 

I am really struggling with the transition back to work as well.  I phased in even more slowly than you are describing, only reaching "full time" March 1.  I am lucky that my boss is allowing me to continue to work some hours from home.  Without that, I'd have crashed much sooner.  But even with the flexibility, I am so fatigued and weak.  I don't feel like I can keep up with the pace.

 I saw my oncology NP yesterday and my blood counts are fine, but she is suggesting to take it easy and check into some support for the transition.  I came home early today and left a message for a counselor who works with cancer patients.  I feel a lot of pressure to exercise and eat right, but I can't balance that very well with getting my work done.  

 Sometimes I feel extremely discouraged and my progress seems so slow.  Other times I look at what I've been through and think of the strength that took.  I guess it's tough to find a good balance, but we will get there somehow.

Sharkey 

kim

i was off work for 10months.  i remember returning back; and it was really tough. going through what we go through...and returning to the "issues" of work...at times just doesn't seem all that important.  i guess all i did was just do one day at a time....and move forward.  i remember my surgeon telling me " you are able to go back to work physically"  ahem...not 100 percent psychologically.  after a bit of time; things started to fall into place...but the thing is...cancer changes us.....in every way possible...especially in the work environment.  co workers don't really get it; and they are dealing with their own problems and issues.  i think taking care of yourself; slowing down..and try to not expect yourself to be like you were "before breast cancer" eventually, things will fall into place...but it will take time. hang in there.

I am sorry Kim that your having to go through this. It doesn't sound like your super happy there. Do you have to work? If you do then maybe a different type of job or just going part time.

Anyway whatever you do you HAVE to put your self first. Take care of your health and lead a lifestyle that helps support that need.

Prior to my return to work, I wrote down what I thought I was able to do and my onc signed it and it was accepted by my employer.  I built up a lot more gradually than you.  It took me about 4 weeks to get to 3days/wk and I sustained that for about a month.  I found that I was absolutely exhausted on the weekend and my off-days.  Could not even imagine working 5 days a week. 

My company doctor is great---she made a real point of letting me know that it might take some time to get my strength back and that going into work takes a lot out of a person (getting up, dressing, commuting, preparing meals, concentrating, reading).  She said it was very important that I "respect" my fatigue and not push myself too much or else I would end up "hitting a wall" and that might mean that I would be completely off the job for a period of time. 

All this to say, it has been 3 months since I returned, and I am still only part-time (2-3 days per week).  If you don't feel like you are up to working 5 days a week, why not ask your company doctor or your oncologist to reduce your schedule to 3 days a week for another couple of months??? 

I work in a very noisy office---I find it much less taxing for me to work quietly at home---maybe you can make a similar arrangement?

If required, your oncologist can provide a  note, typically the employer will not object (afterall, many studies have shown that breast cancer patients suffer from prolonged fatigue well after their treatment)

 Sorry I don't have any advice about the complainers....aside from buying a gun

I may have a FT opportunity waiting for me once I am done with radiation.  And I have used radiation to get back in the groove of a regular schedule with the consulting I am currently doing.  I did this throughout chemo BTW.

I did have to push the company back as realized that in no way could I do radiation plus go through the adjustments following such a great assault on my body plus come up a steep learning curve, plus work 60 hour weeks.  Just too soon.  I pushed back the timeline and the HR person went for it!

On exercise with working.....  I learned a long time ago when working 70 hour weeks that the best way to do exercise is in the morning.  I have a weights/crunches routine that I do prior to showering each AM.  Then I am done for the day.  It also energizes my brain.  Right now I am doing them at 8 AM as opposed to 6 AM when I was working 70 hour weeks.

On top of exercising in the AM, I make sure I get in at least a one mile walk.  Then I am home free.  I am training for the 70 mile LIVESTRONG course, so am obviously doing a ton of cycling too at the moment.  But mostly on weekends, as still have my consulting commitments.

Need to push on the exercise......it keeps all of us fit enough to keep up the challenges of a busy life, and also is the single most important lifestyle thing we can do going forward.

As for being out of sync with priorities.....well, we are the odd ones out.  The rest of the world goes on, and yes, it reminds me of my friend's husband who recently sent out a major internet message about her "sprained ankle".  Seriously!!!