Exchange City

Hi Packer!  Missing you!!!  Have you decided when you might get your fat grafts?  Did you talk to Laura about grafting from the inner thigh?  This is the area her PS wants to graft from on her as well. 

Packergirl,  My implants migrate to the sides if I lay down.  As a result, I wear a bra to bed.  My PS told me it would take a good year for the pockets to completely heal.  If I have to wear a bra 24/7 for that long to keep these puppies in place, so be it.  I do find it more comfortable laying down with some good support.

Good morning all.

I am counting down the days until Thursday.  Good luck tomorrow Lilah!  I'm nervous and excited at the same time.  I am just so ready to have this over with.

I have a question though.  When I look at everyone's photos on Timtam I noticed that most (if not all) women's original mastectomy incisions do not go from one end of the breast to the other.  Mine do and I'm bumming about it.  You gals that have half of an incision, how great is that?  It can be covered by nipples or fade with time.  How am I going to cover up a line that goes from armpit to sternum? 

Would this have been my BS work or the first PS? 

Have a great day ladies! 
Kat

my BS did the mastectomy and the PS did the closing after he did his work...

I have friends who have the long scars and they have faded to thin white lines and are barely noticeable now...

Lilah - best wishes for your exchange tomorrow.

Kat - ditto to you for Thursday

I think I am starting to stress a little over Friday....I suspect this because I had a dream (too bizarre to even recount!)  My good friend is flying in from FL on Wed to be here with me and will stay until Mon.  I think I am more stressed because hubby is in NY; he wants to be here, but it is totally problematic.  Had a job interview on Friday and may be starting new job this week.  I sometimes wake up and wonder how I ended up alone in the great state of Tennessee when all my family is several states away....life has thrown us some curves.  Mother's Day was tough.  I woke up and was sad that there were no little feet running in to bring me breakfast in bed....but then I snapped out of it when I realized that they never did that anyway!  There are some great guys (friends of hubby) that I have been playing golf with on Fridays.  They knew I would be alone yesterday so they invited me to play at a very nice private club with them.  It was fun -- I always feel better on the golf course and in the sunshine!   Once I get through this surgery and get the green light from the PS (about 4 weeks????), then I can head to NY and join all the family.

See the psychologist at the depression clinical study for the last time today and my personal trainer for the last time (for a while) tomorrow and then friend arrives Wednesday.  .

This journey is all about change and how we react to it.  My prayers for Lilah and Kat this week.  May we sail though this change effortlessly and be pleased with the results. 

Marianne

Marianne, I wish you all the best this week.

Though we have different things going on in our lives, I, too, really missed my family yesterday, especially my mom. They're mostly on the east and I'm on the west coast. I think I was expecting a special mother's day here (card? special dinner?), though we've never chosen to do it that way. I could feel this need coming and talked about it in advance, yet ended up feeling a bit like a little kid whose friends didn't show up for the party, except that I'm a grown-up and now feel petty and ungrateful. It amazes me how cancer has completely rearranged everything, including holidays. In my head, tubas were playing because I finished reconstruction and am still standing ... and in my family's head, there's relief that I'm just me, no big deal, no trumpets. I did play basketball hard for the first time with my boys, which was fun since I'm getting my game back!!,  and we did play a great round of mini-golf and for that I'm grateful.Tucking my youngest in and getting actual kisses left me feeling a bit better so I could head to bed. Oh, just when you think the roller coaster has leveled off a bit, the humility returns. Maggie

Morning all,

I put new pictures up on the forum.....all comments welcome  

Fairportlady! Congratulations on stepping out  Sounds like you handled everything beautifully, he was a lucky man to be trusted with your first big date!

I'm also a triple negative so I was interested in the post about the ECOG 5103, I googled it and found a link back to us http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/73/topic/740968, it seems it has been cancelled because of automatic triggers caused by heart failure problems.

Lilah all the best to you tomorrow!!!!  You'll do great  Kat! Your almost there....just a few days....so happy for you both  

Kat my BS did a skin sparing proceedure....literally removing the breast material from a circular incision around the areola. Then my ps finished me up with the X like pattern you see on my current boobies.  He said he only uses this particular incision when he isn't worried about healing, he told me it can be difficult to heal if the skin may be compromised in any way......I didn't know this was going to be my incision until I woke up from surgery....so I guess he felt good about the quality of my skin.  I was very lucky to not have needed radiation or chemo and I hadn't smoked for 30 years.  He also said this incision can also be slower healing than a straight line incision.

I would imagine that your ps is only going to open a partial bit of your scar...he won't need to open your breast from end to end to place your implant  Your going to have so much less healing to do the second time around!

Marianne good luck on Friday! Is anyone coming home to be with you? I'm so glad you have good friends surrounding you when family cannot be there.  Mother's Day for me is pretty painful but I got through it.....we usually go and get something new for the garden but DH wasn't feeling very well so we laid low  DH bought me some lovely cards from Graham, the pets and him

Marianne I hope you enjoy NY,  I have lived here for most of my life.  I'm an hour north of NYC in Westchester County it has lots of open space, old forests, gentle hills, we even have coyote, foxes, etc., even saw a black bear once behind the house!  Amazing being that we are a quick 45 minute train ride to Grand Central Station Any move is a huge adjustment... add bc and I'm surprised you can sleep at all..wishing you some peaceful dreams this week  

Paula I bet that was the best bologna ever!

Maggie I think we both felt a little let down yesterday....but those kisses from your youngest must have put you back in the clouds

Gone on too long......backing away from the computer now  

Strength and healing,

Laura2 

Happy Mother's Day all -- one day late!  For some reason I had a crazy day yesterday and never got to the computer.

Fairport -- wonderful -- you GO girl.... I'm sure it's scary indeed but how fantastic that you've crossed that rubicon.  I hope date #2 is equally promising.

Susie -- sorry to hear about that pain... but impressed that you have feeling back.  I have more feeling than I expected to have... and do find that the numb area under my arm is getting feeling back (so it hurts in a funny way).  I wonder if it's nerves coming back to life?  I don't know.  I expect my surgery tomorrow will add more numbness (esp on the reduction side) but I am surprised at how much feeling I have on the breast mound (on the inner side). 

Kat -- thanks and the same to you!  I totally am done with this waiting.  All I want is to wake up tomorrow in the OR with everything done (and hopefully done well) and with as little pain as possible.  And yeah re: the scar... mine is long (from inner breast to under my arm... and I too envy those ladies whose scars seem tiny (only part way across the breast).  I think it's just different style of cutting?  I don't know.  I too wish my scar was smaller... but I do think all scars fade with time.  And I know in my case it's the BS who did that cut... as she opened the breast and removed the tissue; my PS then came in, inserted the TE and closed me up (put incredibly simply).

Marianne -- thank you for your prayers and the same to you too... it's scary but I feel we will come through this okay.  Sorry your husband could not be there.  I'm sure he is sorry as well.  He will be with you in spirit.

Thanks everyone for the good wishes!  I am off to the city now (staying at a hotel so we won't have to fight traffic in the morning)... nervous but so glad tomorrow is almost here!

Edit: Oh I almost forgot!  VAL -- happy nips to you!!!!

I saw Babies last night with my three kids as a kind of fun, last minute mothers day thing.  It was really fascinating.  The four babies were from all over the world, including one from Mongolia and one from Namibia.  In the early sequences you see all the moms nursing their kids, but the Namibian mom keeps on nursing her baby and older kids throughout the film.  It was nice for me to watch, and surprisingly I didn't have any nostalgia for the breasts I used to have.  For the Namibian mom, the breasts were there to feed her kids, period.  I guess the film may have put things in perspective for me.

Rebecca - I had that same feeling of an empty space too. It was on my left side as well. I could feel the edge of my sternum. I would definitely bring it to the attention of your PS. I had to get a revision to my exchange about three weeks ago and the PS opened up the pocket more to move the implant over some. I also had to get a larger implant put in on that side only because my left breast was smaller than the right even though they both had the same size implant. There was also a big gap between the two. By moving the pocket out seemed to have done the trick. They are now closer together and I actually have cleavage when I look down now. How long has it been since your exchange?

 Don23 It has 13days today but I have noticed it since the TE was there it always sat off to the underarm area more and my PS said she would fix it during the exchange but it seemd the same as before.

Rebecca

Shortgirl.... I guess I'm confused, why did they do fat grafting while you still have a TE in?  I thought that was for implants, either during or after exchange...  This doesn't sound right.  And how did they rupture your TE?!  egads@!  I think I would've had to insist on speaking to the PS after all of that!  Wow, I hope you are healing nicely and will be happy with the results, I am also curious to hear if you can tell any difference in the donar site, as far as being able to tell there is fat gone... I know there is probably too much swelling to tell now, but when the swelling goes down.  And be sure to take picutres, if nothing else but for your benefit to see the difference as it heals.

Rebecca, I do so hope that you are starting to be a little happier with your results... I read on another thread that you are very upset, and I so get that.  I remember sitting right here typing about how sad and angry I was after my exchange.  But I am happy to report that I am much happier now.  I am still not ruling out another surgery, I know that I'll need fat grafting, and I feel that my left side is slightly lower then my right side, so that might have to be fixed, and a couple ripples starting to show, and I just still might go bigger!  Yep, I have it, boob greed!  But, I am definitely happier and content for the time being!  So, as you have said and everyone keeps telling you, give it time, patience and all that crap that is easier said then done!

Kristinka, good perspective on that movie!  Sometimes we just need that!  I haven't mailed the bra out yet, busy weekend and have one kid home sick today, so haven't made it to the post office.  I'll let you know when I get the amount.

Have a good day all!

Paula

  Paula I so wish I could use the word happy but not yet. I am content however that nothing is forever I am 90%sure I will need a revision but I am going to wait the 3 months and see what these turn into. I think apart of my grief is that I never grieved the loss of everything.

 I am 32 I have had my hysterectomy, the BX MX and I think it all hit me I am not feeling much like a woman. I have decided this past weekend that I am not going to dwell in my own pitty I am going to just wait and if I don't like the results in 3 months I am going to get these foobs fixed the way I want them. There is no way I going to have gone through all this and just settle for anything.

 I also realize it is hard to understand my complaints so I will post my pics on the forum tonight so you can all get a better idea of what I am talking about.

Rebecca

Laura2,

Thanks for the kind words.  I will love NY....I actually was born and lived most of my life in Syracuse, NY and it is beautiful.  Most people just think NY is nothing but skyscapers because all they ever see is NYC.  Upstate is totally different and actually a lot like Tennessee.  We have only lived here just a little over 2 years.  We are in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains and it is beautiful here -- very much like NY's Adirondack region.  So moving to NY will be going back "home".  It just sucks that I am here now, while hubby is up there working and all my family and dearest friends are there!   So, there is a lot of stress and anxiety right now....I keep telling myself one thing at a time.

And yes, my good friend (also originally from Syracuse) who now lives in Florida is flying up Wed a.m. and will be with me through the Surgery and everything until she has to leave Monday afternoon.  I won't be alone....and I have great support from neighbors, too.

Thanks to all for the good wishes and prayers and as soon as I finally get my access to the photo site I will post some before's and after's.

Kat - my scars are both very small.  The cancerous breast, where they had to remove the nipple, because the cancer was so close to it, just has a small horizontal scar that the PS said should be covered mostly by nipple and areola reconstruction with just 2 small scars on either side showing.  As for the lt breast, that was a nipple and skin sparing Mx and the scar is circular and follows the bottom curve of the areola.  I can only remember that the plastic surgeon told me that my bs did the most beautiful Mx he has ever seen.  I remember I wasn't impressed at the time, but now I see what he means. 

Had my last session with the psychologist today.  She said I graduated from depression class and I started to cry.  What's up with that???  I have been given some great tools, but knowing that the past few days were Mother's Day, anxiety over separation from husband (temporary of course) and upcoming surgery, it's not wonder, I'm a little stressed.  Think I need  hot fudge sundae -- haven't had one in 6 months! 

Prayers continue for all of us.

Marianne

 Rebecca...my left boob was always in my armpit and I could tell that the pocket on the left was further over than the pocket on the right. My ps did do some pocket during my exchange and my implant seems to finally be slowly migrating to my chest. I purposely sleep on my left side and every morning I feel like it is a little better...at least for a while. When you see my photos you'll see a crease near the sternum of my left breast....it seems to be slowly improving. I have to admit that I'm still worried and really really really trying to be patient. Rebecca keep your chin up....like so many have told me...give them time to drop and fluff and and almost everyone gets a little revision here or there.

Rebecca, I didn't realize you are so young....you have been through so much for such a young woman. I lost my lady bits including ovaries 3 years ago and now breasts. I feel a bit like an alien. I'm so much older than you...I'm 60....I grieved when I realized my every part of my physical body that gave me my beautiful son was gone....but I'm still here, heart mind and spirit.....so are you Rebecca.....you are so much more than your body. Your family and all those people that love you....love all of you...that won't change.

I look forward to seeing your photos....be brave

Shortgirl...wow te's since Oct. 2008! You must be ready to move on. So sorry about the trouble you had with your fat grafting.....must be beyond frustrating. I hope your get some good answers from your ps and he has you on a food track soon...you deserve it!

Strength and healing,

Laura2