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PeanutsMom
PeanutsMom Member Posts: 6
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I need to know, has everyone else/anyone else felt like cancer brought a dark cloud or a run of bad luck with it in other areas of life?  Since my diagnosis, nothing has gone right.  My health has completely deteriorated (cancer was just the start), and everything that can go wrong in life has gone wrong, it seems.  I manage to find all of the most dishonest doctors, I've had two cars die on me, I've been robbed, and I've felt more alone than ever before in my life.  Half of the people around me are pulling a Job (Bible ref) and insisting that I must have done something to deserve it. The other half stand back and admire me for handling this all on my own.

I'd rather be less admired and have a little help.

The outside world (non cancer people) see nothing but my positive face.  If I show the least bit of discouragement, people stop talking to me completely.  So I only let other cancer survivors see what I'm really going through anymore.

Is it completely bizarre to have your life fall apart with cancer, and does it get better?  Where are the people who understand that you're sick and you need to stop being the hero and start having one?

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  • Renata
    Renata Member Posts: 172
    edited April 2010

    I'm so sorry PeanutsMom...as if cancer wasn't enough!!!

    I really hope this bad luck you're having ends soon. As for understanding...I've found it only here; although my family loves me apparently they are unable to show it and when I'm feeling down all they come up with is how much better other people handle cancer and life after it, so I just completely avoid the subject with them ...Not very encouraging I guess... I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and that you don't need to be a hero here, and that if you're sad or tired or scared it's just normal.

    Hugs and good vibes coming your way.

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  • PeanutsMom
    PeanutsMom Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2010

    Thank you, Renata.  It's nice to have someone else understand.  I'm sorry your family is that way too.  Thank you for the hugs. *hugs back*

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  • nancyluvspink
    nancyluvspink Member Posts: 102
    edited April 2010

    I know. . .we are the only ones who understand what we go through.  To me, it seems like no one really cares.  My mom, brothers and sister all just act like I broke a fingernail or something.  I am 45 years old and have had BC twice so far.  I say so far, because, yeah unfortunately, I am just waiting for the next time.  I can't help it.  It is my life and I guess my destiny.  But all the "others" just complain about how busy they are and how tough life is for them.  They have NO idea what we go through every single day of our lives.  Thank god for breastcancer.org!  Take care...you are not alone...even though it may seem that way sometimes.  We are always here.  Nancy

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  • purpleamy
    purpleamy Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2010

    Hello Sisters:

    I read your post and it struck such a chord that a registered so I could reply.  After I was diagnosed, I bought some lottery tickets for awhile because I thought the universe must balance out such bad luck.  But I found out the contrary, once things go wrong, they kept going wrong.  After my DX, my daughter get an awful case of head lice they took over 3 months to go away. Whenb my hair fell out from chemo and I went to get the last straggly strands cut off, my hairdresser had to stop cutting because she found headlice on the few brittle strands I had left. When I finished treatment (we had put a lot of bills on home equity line), the bank took away our home equity line because the housing market crashed.  I was forced to go back to work right away and took on a job that was way too physically and mentally stressful. I've lost 40 pounds and today is my last day because I felt like the job was worse than cancer.  I get my mammo and MRI next month, and everytime I go they find something else suspicious enough to warrant a surgical biopsy.  I was supposed to go away on my celebration cruise with my oldest friend in Feb but I had to get my gallbladder out instead.  It does seem like things keep piling up.  I noticed this too when I friend of mine was Diagnosed 6 years ago with Stage 4 cx.  Everything just kept getting worse.  She passed away last year, so I try to remind myself that if I'm still here to complain, I'm lucky.  I looked on the board this morning because I'm having horrible bone pain.  I'm hoping that your luck turns around.  My mother always says that no one ever said life was going to be fair....And it certainly isn't.  I guess you just keep going and I try to make my bad experiences into humorous and the worst ones I try to bury in my head.  The fear of recurrence is something no one understands but us.  Thanks for listening.  Your story made me feel less alone.

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  • mowie1
    mowie1 Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2010

    hi girls, I just found this website and I know the feeling.  My husband 42 had a stroke 4/07 and in 7/09 I was diagnosed with bc.  I have 3 small children and after the stroke our relatives were scarce and after my bc diagnosis they are nonexistent.  Why does everyone think bc is a bad word and when you say it they can't run away fast enough?  I am finished with surgery, mrsa infections and radiation and I feel so sick every day.  Just so tired and fatigued all the time.  Is there any relief for this??  Do you have any pointers?  I feel so alone too.  It feels like noone cares, noone helps, and I just can't keep up with anything and that it is never going to get any better.  Also does anyone have to take tomoxifin and how do you deal with the side effects.  Too many questions and no answers.  Thanks for listening to me, noone else does.

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  • PeanutsMom
    PeanutsMom Member Posts: 6
    edited April 2010

    I had no idea.  So many of us ARE going through the same thing. 

    I want you all to know that since that post things are starting to get better, but not because anyone has changed but me.  I've gotten just enough energy to take a little control back and get serious about weeding out those unsupportive people.  It hasn't been easy, but it has been better. 

    Right now, I spend my time focusing on my 7 year old little girl and doing little things to take better care of myself.  I'm learning to say "no" far more than I say "yes" to people, and I am waiting (which is not easy at all) to talk to each of my doctors in person, rather than on the phone.  Face to face confrontation is sometimes the only way to get results.  On the phone, people can hide from you or make excuses to end the call.  In the office, I can request to be shown the record and have it explained to me right then and there.  If it does not make sense, I say so.

    And if any of you need support, an ear, a shoulder, or a friend, YOU HAVE EARNED IT and I'm here for you.  My pearls before swine days are over.

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  • GryffinSong
    GryffinSong Member Posts: 439
    edited April 2010

    I'm so very sorry that you're going through this, all of you!!! You are not alone, and with luck, you might find some local folks who can support you. I highly recommend finding a local cancer support group. Many cancer centers and hospitals offer them and they're generally free. It's amazing how helpful it is to sit in a circle of folks who understand.

    Also, some of us have met each other in real life. For instance, I live in Maryland, and a woman here at bc.org started a monthly dinner for breast cancer survivors/warriors/patients. It's a wonderful feeling to be understood.

    Hugs and best of luck to you all!!!

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  • Kayleigh3483
    Kayleigh3483 Member Posts: 131
    edited April 2010

    My goodness, you have had ALOT to deal with on top of BC, I'm so sorry! 

    Clearly there are times in our lives when more negative things occur than others, it's just the luck of the draw.  This understandably leads to us being overwhelmed, as you so aptly titled this thread.  But I think serious health issues especially make other things add up and feel more difficult.  For instance, at any given time there may be 10 things going wrong -- but if it weren't for the additional devastation of cancer issues chances are you'd be able to handle at least 4 or 5 of those ten things a little better. 

    When life is viewed through the dark lens of cancer, it can also look alot bleaker.  Our defenses are down for the count and it's hard to stay positive.  But that is to be expected -- I personally hate all that crap about how your attitude makes a difference in your recovery.  Frankly, I think that is a slippery slope that can lead to blaming the victim. 

    Even if others don't -- give yourself a break, you more than deserve it.

    I hope things get a little easier for you -- until then, know that you are not alone.

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  • 3monstmama
    3monstmama Member Posts: 1,447
    edited April 2010

    Ah yes, the lottery ticket thing!  I said the same thing when I was diagnoised:  Why the He77 isn't my luck like this with the lottery? I said it even louder when they sent me off for the CAT scan on my liver and the thyroid biopsy.  And you know, it hasn't changed.  My husband buys tickets when it gets in the hundred millions and we still haven't won.  What has changed is that just when all the stuff that piled up in December&January, making me think I just couldn't take one bit more,  just when I found myself ready to crash and crawl under the bed, everything eased up leaving me with just the stupidbreastcancer. 

    Its hard when everyone seems to vanish.  I started blogging about my feelings about breast cancer.  I gave access and passwords to everyone I told about my cancer but its always the same 3 friends [all of whom live really far away] that keep commenting and writing supportive words.  It feels like no one else is reading but I tell myself that the problem is that they just don't know what to say or do and the idea of me with breast cancer slaps them in the face with their own mortality and hey, when are we ever taught to think about that?

    You are definitely not alone.  And when you feel alone, remember that you have us!

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  • MinnesotaBarb
    MinnesotaBarb Member Posts: 46
    edited May 2010

    I clicked on your post because "overwhelmed" describes how I have been feeling since dx'd yesterday. I want to thank PeanutsMom for starting the topic and the rest of you who responded to her. It feels so lonely right now. Sending hugs to each of you.

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  • rumoret
    rumoret Member Posts: 685
    edited May 2010

    I just want to give each of you a big HUG! I am so pleased that we have this wonderful community here at breastcancer.org  Your words touch my heart because I do know what it is like to feel overwhelmed and sometimes alone in this journey. I gather some of my strength from reading my fellow breast cancer sister's passionate posts here on this site.

    I think there are times each of us need to just be with other breast cancer survivors and yet have no one to meet with in their home towns and cities. The message board provides a great spot to write about our feelings....but there are times we just need a big hug in person.

    So I am sending all my sweet beautiful sisters here on breastcancer.org a BIG CYBER HUG!

    Love,

    Terry

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