How I made peace with chemo...

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jdootoo
jdootoo Member Posts: 253
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

A big, positive hello to my fellow sisters!

I strongly believe that we all need to embrace our treatment plan in order to heal and survive. Although I had bought some books on guided visualization, started taking Zoloft to improve my outlook, and have a strong support system, chemo was still scaring the **** out of me.

A couple of weeks after my first infusion of TCH, I noticed 3 small lumps on my right arm, toward my elbow, where 7 lymph nodes were removed, 6 positive. A couple of my friends thought the lumps were from blocked blood veins or built up lyphatic fluid, so I wasn't too worried when I went to see my breast surgeon. However, she was baffled by the lumps and did an ultrasound. She said they looked like lymph nodes, but what would they be doing down by my elbow? She called in another doctor to look at the ultrasound, and he said they did not look good and we better do a biopsy. Now I was really scared. Fortunately, they called me back with the results the same day and it turned out that it is "Fatty Tissue Necrosis".

I was so relieved by this that I decided I would do whatever it takes to never be in the doctor's office again hearing the words, "we need to do a biopsy". When I went in for my second infusion yesterday, I thought about those words and I felt so much better about the purpose of the chemo and started seeing it as a warrior out to kill the cancer!

 I hope this helps someone who is worried or scared...

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  • jan-m
    jan-m Member Posts: 88
    edited April 2010

    Hi jdootoo.. so glad your lumps turned out to be fatty tissue necrosis!

    I start chemo May 11th and am thinking along the same lines as you.. that the chemo will be out there nuking any and all stray cancer cells! Lets keep thinking positive!

    I

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited May 2010

    I just finished my year of Herceptin (had just started my TCH last year around this time). I agree with you completely. I NEVER want to hear them say "You have cancer" ever again.
    Now, when I see someone smoking in public, I have to restrain myself from going up to them and telling them how terrible it is to hear those words and that they shouldn't be smoking! Surprised  I haven't done it yet - well, I did have a little sit-down with my 30 year old nephew  (heavy smoker) about it. I figured I had some cred with him - as I was sitting there BALD.

    But you know, we are SO FORTUNATE to have all these weapons (medical) at our disposal and to be living right here right now. Even a decade ago, Herceptin was still in clinical trial - now it is the standard of care.  I wanted everything that could obliterate every single cancer cell.

    And as crazy as it is to say, it really DOES go fast.  You'll be done TCH by the end of the summer and then finish up Herceptin next spring, just like me.  The Herceptin is SO EASY compared to the TCH - I would just drive myself there, sit for 90 min, say goodbye and go back to work. No side effects AT ALL except my pee smelled like the chemical for about a day. 

    I'm glad you have peace about your treatment.   Fight like a girl!

    In sisterhood -
    Amy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2010

    Hi jdootoo,  thanks for the encouraging words and I am so glad your swelling was not serious.  Keep fighting thru your treatment, and on the days you don't feel like feeling so positive, then just embrace those feelings too, and give into them.

    image

    Barb

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  • KelliGA
    KelliGA Member Posts: 10
    edited May 2010

    Thanks, jdootoo. Just what I needed today. Had my first chemo on Apr. 22. Feeling better, but still feel like a shadow of my former self and feeling sorry for myself today, which I know is wasted time. I need to stop thinking about what I would be doing if I weren't overwhelmed fighting bc. And when I have my second treatment, I will remember what you said about the chemo and its purpose.

    Amy, you are totally right...we are lucky to have the treatments that we do. I have TACx6 and then 30 rads coming up after that. Am hoping you're right again and they goes fast.

    Blessing to all....Kelli

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  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited May 2010

    jdootoo -

    You have the right attitude about chemo!  Yeah, it's hard on us but it's even harder on the cancer cells.  With each infusion you may be feeling worse but you are actually getting better and one step closer to being NED.

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  • Kayleigh3483
    Kayleigh3483 Member Posts: 131
    edited May 2010

    This is a wonderful and uplifting post -- really makes you think about how perspective is such a choice. 

    Please forgive the total digression but there are indeed lymph nodes in your elbow, as well as many other places in the human body.  Did you mean to say your doctor was surprised to find the nodes in your elbow, or just surprised they were swollen?

    Either way, I admire your attitude :)

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  • ruthbru
    ruthbru Member Posts: 57,235
    edited May 2010

    I am a big 'Lord of the Rings' fan, so visualized my chemo drugs as the heroes in the story (who were also ruthless killers of evil), and visualized the cancer cells as the Orcs (the really, really, bad, horrible, ugly, bad guys). A good Catholic friend, who also likes to have a vodka tonic on occasion, visualized her chemo cocktail as Holy Water & Vodka! It might sound silly, but if you think of it; the cancer IS the  ruthless bad guy; chemo IS the relentless good guy working on our side, FOR us. Best of Luck! Ruth

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  • jdootoo
    jdootoo Member Posts: 253
    edited May 2010

    Kayleigh:  LOL! I am sure I was just so freaked out by everything that I didn't understand what she was saying. I remember that on the day of my DX, she recommended that I call her tomorrow with questions because everything she said that day would probably go in one ear and out the other!

    Have a blessed day...

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