Rant/ Got a Letter in Poor Taste

I would be fuming. Is it at all possible that she didn't know you had breast cancer?

You're posts got me worked up. Now I'm going to rant:

What irks me is the hospital sending me requests to donate while I'm still getting treatment there. Like I'm not giving them enough business already!

The year I was diagnosed, one of my boyfriend's coworkers, whose wife has breast cancer, was collecting money for a breast cancer walk, and my boyfriend wrote him a check for $100. He never even got a thank you. What are people thinking?!

Crap Barb, sometimes people do the dumbest things without thinking.  I think you all that said "we've donated enough for now---i.e. my breasts, hair", etc. had the PERFECT comback! 

Side note to Alicia, I got a letter just yesterday from Johns Hopkins where I was treated (and plan on recon there) asking for money.  For God's sakes, they are a University hospital and I had to sign releases for them to use my case and body parts for research---isn't that enough????

Sheesh!

Love you all!

Sharon

I'd write back:  Thank you for raising money for the event in your sister's memory. However I have donated my breasts, my hair, my dignity and quite a lot of money as of late due to medical bills related to my breast cancer.  I hope I don't become one of those people who die of breast cancer like your sister did. While I am unable to fund your mission you have my best wishes as you do your walk.  

Clueless people, gotta love em.

Shanagirl I so agree with you.  I have had so many people, both men and women, tell me about a family member or friend they know who died of breast cancer.  I mean how are we to respond to those comments?  I had  someone tell me his sister was diagnoised with breast cancer ten years ago.  He went on to say, "She had her treatment and they told her she was fine.  Two years later she developed a cough and went the dr. and found out the cancer was in her lungs.  She died two months later."  This comment was made to me while I was still recieving chemo.  I mean WTF?  What is wrong with people?  Sorry, but I had to vent.....that one has always really bothered me.

WHAT A JERK!

I am sitting on my hands so as not to write the response that I would send to her!

You could write back that you've already offered your body for BC clinical trials and research and that is worth more than any money you have in your wallet or bank account.  Of course, I don't expect you to every have to deal with BC again but you could use it to shut her up.  I use it regularly, even when I was in remission.  Shut's 'em up goooood.  {{{{{Barb}}}}}

Shanagirl/Barb, I hope it's okay if I slip in here to offer a comment. 

I was visiting my mom two years ago this summer, just 2 months after finishing chemo (Taxotere & Cytoxan).  There I was, sitting on her sofa next to dh and talking to my mom, when there was a knock on the door.  I was in "casual" clothes (T shirt and jeans, flat on one side 'cause I wasn't wearing my foob).  Oh, and I was sporting a ball cap to cover my head, which was totally bald from chemo. And my eyebrows and eyelashes were gone by then, too.

In walked my mom's neighbor, all cheerful and perky.  She announced to my mom that she was going door-to-door raising money for the upcoming "Relay for Life", in which she was participating because breast cancer is such an awful disease that kills thousands of women each year etc. etc.

As my mom rummaged around for her wallet, I looked at dh, and he looked at me ... and the neighbor looked at the two of us, and said, "Oh, maybe you'd like to contribute something, too?".  She knew who we were -- we'd been introduced previously -- but I had no idea whether she knew I'd had cancer.

So I took off my ball cap, showed her my very bald head, and said, "Um, what I usually say at this point is, 'I think I gave already, at the cancer center'."   She didn't miss a beat -- she said "Oh, yes, well, then I suppose you really understand what this fund-raising is for, and you'd be especially interested in helping out!".

(grumblegrumblegrumble).  I think I just said, "No thanks, I don't think so."  My mom slipped her a little money, and she left.

I keep trying to work out something smart-*ss to say to these people.... something that would surprise them and make them realize how silly it is to be approaching us for money, especially if we're obviously still in treatment.  I mean, good GRIEF!

The best I've come up with (which I haven't used, yet) is to tell them, in my still-developing syrupy-sweet Southern dialect, how much I appreciate what they're doing, because (as they can probably see) I am one of the people who might benefit from their fund-raising efforts.  We need all the research and support we can get, and it does take money ... so, thank you sooooo much for what you're doing to help women like me!".  And then just sit there, smiling.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. 

otter

Gee, I feel really bad. My mom died of heart disease, so when the American Heart Assoc. was looking for a neighborhood representative to send out little pre-made cards about donating money the AHA etc. I agreed to do it in honor of her. Now, I suppose that everyone in my neighborhood who has had a heart attack/bypass surgery etc. thinks that I am an insensitive jerk!

I will donate to mobile mammogram units so poor women can get the breast exams they need.

I had a good and bad experience along these lines. Good: A coworker put a note (obviously written himself, not a canned form) about his participation in a national, well known BC fund raiser. His wife is the same stage as me. I really appreciated his sharing and would not otherwise have reason to talk to him (we work in different departments.) I felt pretty isolated till I heard from him.I appreciated both his candor and low key approach. (Not like he personally solicited us.)

Bad/annoying: A fellow HS grad (not a particular friend) got in touch via FB. Her  contract job had just ended.. I suggested she might want to help with volunteer project at our alma mater. (Does not take much time at all, a very minimal commitment.) First she said yes and then she came back with too busy due to family, church and community projects. I was peeved so I dropped the cancer card. Did she ask how I was? Offer to help? Nope! She mentioned her many years participation in a BC fundraiser walk and asked if she could wear a ribbon for me. Amazingly, she was able to still keep things all about her!