Rant/ Got a Letter in Poor Taste

ruthbru

You are more mad at her overall behavior (and deservedly so!) than just the letter thing. I think most of us were clueless going in; but I sure try to be different than I was before when I hear about someone else being sick .....I found that I really did appreciate a call, a card, an email, a visit, a meal. So now I try to do that for others who are sick, even if it isn't very convenient and takes time, I know how much it meant to me.....would you dare tell her how you feel?

lexislove

Tell her to keep her dog off your lawn.

jenn3

Barb - I went out of town for a few days and am just seeing this thread.  I would have been offended and upset too, especially under the circumstances.  I do try to keep in mind that friends, family, co-workers and neighbors more than likely mean well when they do or say something really stupid.  But.....there are times that they really need to stop and think about what they're saying and there is no excuse.  I know that I was clueless before BC, but I know and can't imagine telling someone going thru BC a terrible story that ended in death and I certainly would not have had the balls (to say it nicely) to ask that person for money when I hadn't taken the time to say hello or help out.  Thats like those people who love to tell a 1st time pregnant mom about how awful labor is, painful, drawn out, etc... You just don't do that!!!

A few years ago my daughter was very ill (took a while to get the right diagnosis) and we spent an enormous amount of money and time at Children's Hospital.  I know that the volunteer that called me for a donation one day didn't realize this, but why would the hospital have put me on the list while I was still dealing with an ill child, spending tons of money and.....they weren't treating us well.  I told the poor volunteer to take me off the list, that the hospital had more than enough of my money for the year and the next few years.  I realize that the hospital needs donations and they do good work (for other patients), but at that moment I was not feeling it.  With that said - I get it and I like the statement someone said about saying, I've given my boobs and hair, I think that's enough.  There will more than likely be a time that you are ready to donate in someone else's honor or in your name, but not right now.

Mantra

Shanagirl: Some of metioned they would be offended by the letter, and others have stated that they would feel like you do. I think the only thing that matters is how YOU feel. You were offended and your post today IMO, is exactly what you should write to her. It's how you feel, it clearly states what bothers you, and what you needed from her as a neighbor. I wouldn't be rude about it because I believe her intentions were genuine. But sending her a letter saying you really feel that you need to help her to understand how much the letter hurt you, and why, is the route to go IMO.

Anonymous

ruthebru - I think your right.  It really was her behavior, that got me annoyed.

lexislove - LOL,  that's funny.

jenn3 -I can relate to how you were feeling about the donation issue while you were dealing with your daughter in the hospital.  When my daughter was little she spent a lot of time in the hospital with serious, life threatening asthma. She was in and out all the time sometimes for a week, come home go back a week later, a tru nightmare. I camped out at the hospital with her.  If someone had asked me to donate I too would have been upset as you were.  When our kids are sick we only have one focus.

Mantra- Thank your for your kind words.  When I got her letter, I wanted to respond to her right away, I was so offended.  But now after a few days of having my "safe place" with my BC sisters to rant to about it, I think she is the type who just "doesn't get it", and I'd be wasting my time if I sent her a response.

Barb

ruthbru

Some people are too dumb to even respond to.........I still shudder when I think of when I first got my wig, how a lady at my church came up to me and said it was so cute, just as cute as (_______)'s wig had been. (______) having just died of BC cancer!!!! And how when I was able to wear my real hair again,  another acquantaince came up and said, "Oh your hair is so cute. You know people would JUST DIE to have that hair style!" WTF, really????!!!!!!!

ruthbru

Oh Geeze, now I am ranting!!

AnacortesGirl

Shanagirl -

You are so understanding! What I wrote was only my feelings and I did not want to detract from your feelings and how you reacted.  I just wanted to present another side.  That being said, your additional information on how close this neighbor has been over the years wasn't what I was envisioning.  I was thinking more along the lines of the type of neighbor that you wave at, say hello when you see them in store but never really talk to on a social basis.  What you have described is much closer than that.  I have to agree with the conclusion that it's her behavior and how she handled herself.  She crossed over my line, too.