I Just Don't Want to Go!

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Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I have been invited to a bridal shower, baby shower and Communion all within the next month.  I sooooooo don't want to go and be with people right now.  I feel so islolative.  But I just don't feel up to dealing with all the attention, comment etc.  I don't feel good, always in pain, and I don't feel good about myself either.  Is this normal?

image

Barb

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  • caaclark
    caaclark Member Posts: 936
    edited April 2010

    Barb-

    Would this be the first time you are seeing the people (who will be at these events) since diagnosis.  If so, then YES...totally normal.  I felt the same way when I had to see people once treatment was finished.  I opted out of social things until I felt ready.  Once I got back into those settings I felt ok with them.  I think sometimes we build them up in our minds and what we anticipate is worse than the reality.

    All that being said, when I finally bit the bullet and went to extended family functions I did get asked lots of questions.  Mostly surrounding my hair, with a close second being my prognosis.  I just answered in short words and then turned the conversation to the person who was asking me questions.  So, when they said, "Are you cancer free?" I would say, "Well, we hope so.  How is your job going?"

    It gets easier, really it does. 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited April 2010

    Its hard to be with people when you don't feel good.....the question I think that is important to ask yourself is do you like going out when it is small groups of people or just another person?  As Carol said, are most of the people at these events friends, acquaintances or people you don't know....I say do what makes you feel good....be it staying home, or going to one event....but if you're really feeling down, maybe its time to talk to your doc....this whole BC thing just s****!!!!

    ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) Karen

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited April 2010

    Shana,

    I SOOO get where you are coming from!   I am exactly where you are.  I just don't want to have to put on that "happy" face and have to pretend like every thing is hunky dory.  And the "oh you look great" thing is about ready to make me scream!  I KNOW they mean well, and maybe I do look OK, but I DO NOT look GREAT!

    Do you have anything for the pain?  I got my oxycodone refilled today and have to say it helps me a lot.  Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.  I thought at the beginning the docs might think that I was med seeking, but they really do realize our pain is real.  Don't minimize what you are feeling.  I just posted my update on my arm pain, and I understand why you might not want to go to a lot of these things.  I had a cousins wedding to go to attend a couple weekends ago, and it actually did make me feel better after going.  After the intial greetings were over the attention was actually not all on me (go figure--LOL!).  Maybe pick one of the 3 and bow out gracefully for the rest.  Or perhaps just RSVP that if you are feeling OK that day you'll be there, and just decide last minute.

    Take care sweetie!

    Sharon

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited April 2010

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I went through this as well. I astually not only didn't want to go anywhere but I didn't want people bringing me food or even talking to me. I was in a bad place. Now, I am letting people back into my life and it feels good/better after being with them

    Hang in there!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2010

    I'm glad you all get it.  I was feeling like really guilty for not wanting to be with any of these people in a social situation.  All of whom I have not seen.  They're all extended family and family of family who all know about my diagnosis, but I can't stand the thought of being decended on with the "you look great" how do you feel, your hair is so cute, they got it all right?" stay positve" comments.

    image

    Barb

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  • ElaineD
    ElaineD Member Posts: 2,265
    edited April 2010

    Could you go for  ashort while, and leave, if it turned out to be stressful? You might actually find that life in the "normal" world-even for a short while-could be very pleasant. It may also be that as these are celebratory events, people will be focusing on the particiapnts, and not you-just as it should be! It's hard to tell, but I think anything which encourages a degree of normal structure in our lives is good. I'd be tempted to go-you just might be pleasantly surprised-and if it is all too much, you can make an exit without too much trouble-people would understand.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited April 2010

    I soooooo get it.  Before going back to work I was more apprehensive about family/friend functions and seeing people I hadn't seen in a while.  I hated having to explain over and over and over...... how I was - "I'm fine", "yes, I had chemo", "no, they can't tell me if it's going to recur" and then the stories of family or friends they knew with cancer - almost always ending tragically.  HATED IT!!!  But........ I did learn that people reacted to the way I steered the conversation.  If I answered, "I'm fine", so tell me about your kids, pets, job, etc" - it directed the conversation away from me.   Then, if there was someone I wanted to talk to I talked.  And........ in all honesty if I was truly feeling bad or having pain issues, I skipped the event because I knew I wouldn't be good company.   

    Good luck with the decision and (((HUGS))) - it gets better.

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