March 2010 Chemo Start

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  • mamaof3bugs
    mamaof3bugs Member Posts: 198
    edited April 2010

    I can honestly say that without my husband by my side I would be lost.  Please don't pull away from you wife, she needs you right now.  I understand how difficult this is for you, I talk with my husband about it all the time, maybe you need a short vacation...even if it is just a night out with friends.  You need to recharge and be at 100% for her.  This is just a short chapter in your lives, not the entire story.  Fall will come before you know it and things will get a little easier.  As for travel, she can travel it just needs to be on her terms.  A weekend get away my be just what the two of you need, it might just help with the libido too.  As for the meals, you can eat whatever you want.  Let her have what she wants and you can make whatever it is you want, that's easy.  Ask yourself this, if the shoe was on the other foot how would she react?  For better or worse, in sickness and in health aren't just words, they are a commitment.  I hope things get better for you and I will keep your wife in my prayers.  Angi

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  • Lesinindy
    Lesinindy Member Posts: 31
    edited April 2010

    I don't plan on going anywhere, but I am beginning to understand that this is a long process and is going to be hard on everyone. I have gone to each chemo session (both the TC every 3 weeks and the Herceptin every week). I try to be there for her, but I can see that I am wearing down also. Sometimes you feel like the odd man out. There is bunches of support and encouragement for the patient, but it is easy to  forget those that are also effected. Just a low ebb, will be better in the morning.

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  • alison34
    alison34 Member Posts: 138
    edited April 2010

    lesinindy

    your wont be on you own in feeling low, most men will be finding it very difficult at this time - it is a long road and it sometimes feels the end is never near.

    my husband does forget that i have this rubbish to deal with in life and thinks things are ok and i am fine - i deal with all my problems myself - we all deal with things our own ways - but thats how he deals with it and i respect that, if he wants to go out for the night just to forget thats fine by me,  really don't want him being brought down with this as well

    try and be strong i know its easier said than done cos it seams like its never going to end but it will and you will be able to resume to what you used to do.

    totally agree about the support for the other half - your right unless you have a good family network there isnt much around for you,

    were missing the holidays, the meals out, the family fun time - i know at the end of this we can resume play as to say.

    i hope you pick your spirits back up tomorrow cos were all aloud bad times

    best wished xx

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  • teemee
    teemee Member Posts: 122
    edited April 2010

    Hi Les,

    I have wondered a lot what happens with the caregivers--I mean, we are lucky enough to have forums like this where we are all going through the same thing, crappy as it may be. Anyway, I poked around these forums a little and found one just for husbands/boyfriends. You may know of it already, but here's how to get there: Forum Index → Forum: For Family & Friends of Those Who Have Breast Cancer → Topic: BC Husbands and Boyfriends Hangout.

    Also, I've heard about a book several times called "Breast Cancer Husband" (I think) everyone who's told me about it loves it.

    I think caregivers need a place to vent too, to people who are in the same position. I know if I were in your place, I would be tired, scared, and wanting to fight something ;)

    So don't leave us! but check out that other forum, maybe it will help.

    Hugs to all,

    Toni

    ps scared the mailman today with my bald head ;)

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  • alison34
    alison34 Member Posts: 138
    edited April 2010

     toni thats made me smile

    i often worry that i have forgot to put the wig on and open the door xxxx

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  • hereandnow
    hereandnow Member Posts: 322
    edited April 2010

    toni, that made me smile too.  Posties must get used to the occasional fright I guess :)

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  • standingfirm
    standingfirm Member Posts: 957
    edited April 2010

    Charley,

    I know how you feel I was like that the last time with my treatment A/C had to finally get antidepressant could not stop crying working well (Celexa 20mg 1X day) then I just convinced myself as you did it's something you have to do... and 4 days out of 15 for misery is not that bad JUST 4 DAYS  had dose # 3 today already starting to feel dizzy and jittery, but only one more left.  

    Any one here on to the Taxol?  What kind of side effects are you experiencing? how can I prepare MD is saying I should be able to go back to work at least part time as it does not effect immune system like A/C . Just would like to know what to expect.   thanks !! 

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  • Ana1973
    Ana1973 Member Posts: 88
    edited April 2010

    Ok..So, I was sitting here reading everyone's posts and feeling like crap due to the SEs, when my husband suggests vaccuuming my head! I have been losing hair like crazy. It seems all I do is leave a trail behind me everywhere I go. So, for something fun and entertaining....I let him. My hair is so thin and fine that with every sweep I see visions of Chris Farley! It's all we could do to keep a straight face....I know I needed the laugh and hopefully you ladies will be able to laugh along with us.

    Big hugs to all of you. 

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  • Charley
    Charley Member Posts: 255
    edited April 2010

    Hello all,

    Went to work for a few hours today. At least it makes the time go by faster.  Better but still having aches, fatigue and sweats - you know where you feel like you have a fever but it's only slightly elevated.  Worried that these SEs are not going to end before treatment #4 next week.  Doing the TC every 2 weeks is killing me. Anyone else doing dose dense? I think I am have to go to the 3 week schedule ...

    Ana1973 - That is totally hilarious!  You made me laugh. Not to be sexist but you know men are always thinking of ways to "fix" things! I will have to tell my husband about that one.

    Hugs, Charley

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  • Kayne
    Kayne Member Posts: 103
    edited April 2010

    Toni and Anna--  I laughed out loud-- my family wanted to know what was so funny!  Thanks!

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  • hmh23
    hmh23 Member Posts: 306
    edited April 2010

    Ana; That's hilarious!!! My husband finally shaved my head last night. I had a big meeting for a fundraiser I am organizing and knew I couldn't go out with the head of feathers I've been sporting. SO last night, clippers in hand, he shaved it off.  Have to admit I shed a little tear but got over that soon enough.  I repeated throughout the hair cut, I'm losing my hair but saving my life!!

    Anyhow, 'Wanda' my wig went out for the first time today.  It felt really weird at first and of course, I felt I needed to adjust her every few minutes.  Bottom line, we made it through our first day and she is fast becoming my best friend.  I also took her for her first official hair cut this evening with my own hair dresser and she is looking better than ever!!!

    'Wanda' is already making this hair thing much easier to handle. 

    Heather

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  • frosty1
    frosty1 Member Posts: 420
    edited April 2010

    Les -- we all feel the same way.  Does your wife have friends that might be willing to step in and go with her to chemo?  I had my husband go with me to my first one, but have friends that "wanted" to come with me -- so a friend is taking me for #3 tomorrow.  Also, check out your local hospital for a caregiver meeting or Gilda's Club.  They all have caregiver meetings and it sounds like you need some support.  Don't feel guilty -- this whole thing sucks.  Talk to your wife.  She may be feeling guilty about it too and you guys can work something out.  Take care of yourself or you will become worthless!!

    Dry eyes?  Oh yes.  And I agree -- how come they water?  #3 tomorrow.  That means halfway through my chemo cocktail.  Then herceptin for a year.  But that seems a lot more doable. 

    I have to say I am constantly amazed at how many people have been on this journey or have been touched by someone on this BC journey.  I was telling my co-workers just after I started work:  1 had a grandmother who had BC, 1 had a best friend who had BC, 1 has a mom and grandma who had BC (grandma is 80 and doing very well), another with a mom ... it is just amazing.  Out with just a scarft on my head this weekend and to get over my self-consciousness, I kept thinking "that woman could have had cancer, or could be wearing a wig, or could have foobs."  You just don't know.

    Happy sunny day and manageable SE's to all, and to all a goodnight!  (GLEE is on tonight, so have to go hit the TV!)

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  • Joj129
    Joj129 Member Posts: 13
    edited April 2010

    Thank you all for the warm welcome!

     I had my head GI Jane buzzed today - what a weird feeling. My husband was with me. He has been so worried about me and I have been worried about him! Such a vicious circleI didn't cry during but did after. The woman who did it was wonderful. My head is so tingly and sore to the touch with the wig on but I know it will get better. I had a tough time looking at myself in the mirror tonight but will stare tomorrow! My son brought me flowers and told me I was beautiful. My husband says I am beautiful no matter what. I am very blessed.

    Dublin,  I too have a challenge with not looking to far ahead. I am trying to just focus day to day. When I look too far ahead, I get overwhelmed.

    Kayne I am sorry you are delayed a week. My white blood cells were down when I had my blood checked and I'm afraid when I go Thursday they will tell me they have to postpone it.

    Frosty1 I always thought my hair was white under my color but found it was salt & pepper. Go figure! My husband loves it! I told him to forget it because once this is over, it's going back to natural brown!

    I have tried to stay  positive through this whole time and feel I have done very well at it. I don't think anyone can be 100% positive all the time but I do allow myself to be down occasionally and get right back up again. I am getting very tired of having people who think they know me lecture me about staying positive. I just nod and thank them but one of these times I am going to smack someone. Anyone else have that feeling?

    I hope you all have a wonderful day! Cool

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  • undecided8
    undecided8 Member Posts: 194
    edited April 2010

    Ana-1973: Reading your post made me literally laugh out loud! Funny how a person can feel so down and then just reading someone else's experiences can change the day. I've been having a harder time than I expected with the "hair'" issue since it's my 2nd time around. I'm not at all afraid of the wigs, I actually really liked my wigs but just kinda been dreading another summer with them. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Humor is one of the best medicines for getting through this. I'm SO glad to see that everyone is hanging in there and finding their way to get through this. It is TRULY temperary! Everyone take care!

    Suzanne E.

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  • mamaof3bugs
    mamaof3bugs Member Posts: 198
    edited April 2010

    Heather my wigs name is Lola :D  Angi

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  • barb_k
    barb_k Member Posts: 76
    edited April 2010

     LESININDY;  I have been where you are with my husband and I know where you are coming from except I had to keep a secret or he would have given up. by doing this I had him for 14 month instead of 6 weeks to 4 months as the Dr. said. Stage 4 Melanoma is a death sentence. But your wife's is a temporary one. But you do need a break, Do things  you like to do to get a physical and very needed mental break. Let someone else if available go to her Chemo with her. and It would be feasible to go on short trips if she feels up to it. This really helped us. We grew closer together in those months. We would have been married 39 yrs. 4 months after he passed. But I cherish those trips we took. I know it is real hard on the care giver. It's hard to keep up the happy front and keep every one especially you spouse from knowing your inner feelings. You feel you have to stay up all beat all the time for her. You are only human, Just remember this to will pass. and thank god every day that you have her and she has you. She is so fortunate to have you by her side. Boy do I wish for that. There I go getting sentimental. I do hope this has helped, If you feel the need to get things off your chest, feel free to do so in a personal post if you don't want it to go public. I have a good ear and shoulder. I will keep you both in my prayers.

    Ladies, the wind was blowing today and I felt like my hair was just flying off my head. But it is still coming only if I comb it or pull on it . It is still not sore or tingly. Chemo  #2 tomorrow bet it flys off then. DD hates it when I pull it.. I went back and read the post I wrote yesterday. Guess I should of proof read it, or had DH on my mind instead of DD. Oh Well everybody says I'm on the verge of nuts any way.

    Anm and ToniSmile Loved your posts I'm gonna have to try both. It's always good to have a laugh. We all have to stay positive and Remember "Temporary". I keep telling my sister positive is a lot better than negative. But she is still negative. It is really hard to be around her or talk on the phone sometimes, but I am really the only one she feels she can open up to. Her children are not really supportive of her and not much help either.

    barb

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  • ThereIsHope
    ThereIsHope Member Posts: 62
    edited April 2010

    horsedoc... I have been lurking around, also, and am 14 days post first treatment of TC.  My hair just started coming out, too!  I was pulling on it and several hairs just came right out!  My daughter had buzzed my head a little over a week ago to help with this transition to "bald and beautiful."  I am glad she did it.  My hairs/roots are sore.  Are your's?  Maybe this is from wearing a wig and scarves.  It pushes my hair every which way.  Treatment #2 coming up next Tuesday.  Wishing EVERYONE minimal SE's and warm, sunny days.  Cool

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited April 2010

    Hey all - just to follow up on eye drops, onc nixed the ones with steroid, said I was having enough steroids in my system and didn't need any more.  He recommended the Refresh Liquigel drops.

    While my hair was actively falling out, I wore a Lands' End fleece cap to bed to catch all the stray hairs.  It felt good but it didn't "breathe" so I couldn't wear it overnight as it would get too hot esp. when the night sweats started.  I'd pull it off then shed all over anyway. So I just got used to rolling some tape around my hand every morning and pulling hair from the sheet & pillowcase.

    The little hair I have seems to be sticking around (maybe the hairspray I use to tame flyaways is making it stick to my head lol) but who knows if that will last.  edit to add: the satin pillowcase is helping too.

    Now when I walk I wear a buff (the one with peace signs lol) configured into a cap because my heads gets cold otherwise and I sure don't want to sunburn my head.  It's still cool enough in the mornings when I usually walk to wear a hooded sweatshirt also, to keep my neck warm.  I'm going to buy a baseball cap that says "no hair day" for wearing this summer.

    Had tx #3 yesterday so am taking off today as well.  So far I feel OK.  Already had my oatmeal and tea, and took pills for thyroid, anti-nausea, and a stool softener (took one yesterday morning pre-tx as well).  I take a multi-vitamin at night after supper.  Someone commented and I have to agree, I have never taken this many pills in my life, and I'm *only* taking four!

    Best wishes for everyone having tx's and minimal SE's for those post-tx!  {{hugs}}

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  • hmh23
    hmh23 Member Posts: 306
    edited April 2010

    GroundHog;

    I love, love, love the 'No Hair Day' hat.  Where can I buy it?  My head is cold as well at night so I bought a cotton crochetted(is that the proper spelling?) cap to wear at night.  I think I got it at Urban Outfitters.  It stays on all night and allows my head to breathe yet still stay warm. 

    Have a great day, everyone!

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited April 2010

    hmh, I'll post some links once I start shopping. I know they're out there, I've seen 'em. :-)

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  • hmh23
    hmh23 Member Posts: 306
    edited April 2010

    Is anyone else getting ready for the second AC treatment?  Mine is on Monday and although my SEs were minimal with my first AC, for some reason I'm getting anxious about it.  Heather

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  • mamaof3bugs
    mamaof3bugs Member Posts: 198
    edited April 2010

    I'm off to round 2 of chemo today.  Two of four rounds of DD AC and then I will be having 12 weekly taxol.  Wish me luck, I am much more apprehensive about it this time around...ignorance was bliss that first time!  So here I go to kick so cancer ass!!!  xoxo Angi

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  • Kayne
    Kayne Member Posts: 103
    edited April 2010

    Heather and Angi-- I was much more anxious before my second treatment, which surprised me.  I did very well with the first one.  As you've read, I didn't end up having the treatment which creates more anxiety.  Anyway, hopefully I will be with you, Heather, having 2nd AC this Monday.  My onc said the first is the worst.  So if you tolerated it fairly well, then you should be good.  That's what she told me this week.  Hope it holds true for us!  Good Luck  

    By the way, if I pull on my hair it's starting to come out.  Nothing on my pillow yet.  I know, stop pulling, but it's hard not to keep checking to see if it really is coming out. And it is. 

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  • sandiek9
    sandiek9 Member Posts: 54
    edited April 2010

    Good Morning fellow Marchers.

    I have the third double dose of AC today, so I'm half done with these drugs. I wonder how long a break there is between this and the next drug, Taxol. I'm nervous, of course, as the se's are cumulative, so I expect something new each tx.

    I had good news yesterday; my insurance approved the drug Zometa. I'll have infusions for 3 yrs., and it will improve my chances of avoiding bone mets. The studies (done by my onc!) are finally finished, but it's not FDA approved yet, which is why my insurance was dragging its feet.

    Vacuum! Wow, loved it. We really should write a book! All our experiences are priceless.

    Good luck to all in tx today.

    xxoo Sandie 

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  • hmh23
    hmh23 Member Posts: 306
    edited April 2010

    Sandie;

    My onc said it would be 3 weeks in between my final AC and the start of Taxol.  Congrats on being halfway through your AC!

    Kayne;  Praying for your start on Monday with me...together we'll sail through the next one.  I was pulling my hair out as well as it was just ending up everywhere. My husband cut it and I've been using a lint brush on it to remove the stubble that is falling out. Who knew there were other uses for those sticky lint removers!!! To be honest with you, it's much easier for me to deal with the short hair than the long stuff.

    Angi; Here's to our kick ass approach to bc!!!

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  • GurleeGirrl
    GurleeGirrl Member Posts: 13
    edited April 2010

    Ok ladies, I need some help.  I had my second treatment on the 5th of April.  I felt horrible for the first solid week.  Returned to work for 1 hour on Monday and was sent home since one of the guys I work with showed up sick and my boss (who's wife is currently going thru chemo for breast cancer) was not comfortable with me being there.  So I went for my weekly blood draw and within an hour they called and said that my WBC count was dangerously low and I need to avoid place of contaimination, etc.  I had developed mouth sores on Sunday and now today they are much worse and I am actually getting sores on the outside of my cheek in the same area that the mouth sores are!!!!  Has anybody heard of this? Seen this?  My appt with the onc is tomorrow - but I am freaking out.  I haven't felt good at all since my second treatment and the only difference is I had the Neupogen shots the first round and the Neulasta shot this time.  Looking for any help!

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  • Charley
    Charley Member Posts: 255
    edited April 2010

    Gurlee - I've never heard of that and I would call the nurse today and not wait until tomorrow.  After all, that is what they are there for and if there is something they can call in you will have it today instead of suffering until tomorrow.  I had mouthsores after my first treatment and they prescribed something called DMB.  Worked quickly and from what I understand that there are alot of other things they can give you that work even better. I guess they always start with the weakest stuff first. Go figure.

    Hang in there ... I haven't really felt well either since my last txt on 4/7.

    Hugs, Charley

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  • badger
    badger Member Posts: 34,614
    edited April 2010

    Hey Heather, here are my three most likely candidates -

    No Hair Day Baseball Cap $13.00 comes in cream, khaki & navy

    http://www.friendsboutique.org/no-hair-day-baseball-cap.html

    I'm Having a No-Hair Day Baseball Cap $19.95 comes in 18 colors incl pink

    http://www.zazzle.com/hat_im_having_a_no_hair_day_embroidered_hat-233374327789484720

    No Hair Day Baseball Cap $28.00 comes in black, chocolate brown & pink

    http://faithandhopeboutique.myshopify.com/products/no-hair-day-baseball-cap

    There are tons of options searching "bad hair day baseball cap" ...happy shopping!

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  • hmh23
    hmh23 Member Posts: 306
    edited April 2010

    GurleeGirrl; I've not heard of anything like that and I second Charley's advice to call you nurse or speak with the doctor on call asap. It would be better to get something now versus waiting for tomorrow.  My nurses have been absolutely wonderful in responding to ALL my questions.

    Groundhog;  Thx so much for the leads on the caps.  I'm definitely getting a couple of them.  I also ordered a 'halo' wig today to wear with different hats just in case my head gets too hot for 'Wanda' in the summer. 

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  • Dublin4
    Dublin4 Member Posts: 158
    edited April 2010

    OK girls....went and got my wigs fitted with the girl who has cut my hair for years...my own hair is falling out in handfuls...SO tonight we are going to shave my head!  Can't even believe that I am typing those words...but I cant stand it another second.  I was at my sons baseball game last night and it was windy...I watched stands of my hair blow of my head....SURREAL!!!!

    So this is just another bridge to cross to get to the other side.   I have #2 on Friday and hoping for the same se's as last time which were not to bad....best to all....

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