MISSING MY FRIEND

I have to respectfully disagree to the idea that people don't change.  I've seen many instances in my life of people changing.  Usually it's small but sometimes it's dramatic.  There are women on this board who have changed the way they view their life and view others.  Most of us, as we mature, learn to let go of the things and people who hurt us or bring negative feelings into our lives.  We also learn that sometimes we can ignore the outside "window dressing" of a person and find their heart is good.  Those are changes -- but they are small and gradual.

Two close examples from my life that were much more obvious.

My first husband changed for the worst.  When I first met him he was a little self centered and had a mild work avoidance streak.  But overall he was very caring, very gentle and a good person.  Just a little lost trying to figure out what his goals were.  He went through a dramatic, negative change.  Became extremely self-centered and totally uncaring.  I struggled with this for almost two years before I finally realized that the person I married was gone.  For all practical purposes he had died and this new person had taken his place.  I had many conversations about this with his mother and two sisters.  Why did it happen?  We have absolutely no idea.  I'm still in contact with his family but I avoid him at all costs.  My grown kids keep in contact which I encourage because he is their father and they need to know him and who he is. 

The second example is my brother.  For many years he had this vision of living the perfect life. A wife. A daughter who was going to go on and do fantastic things.  Success and riches.  But our family saw him as the one who was always late, the one you couldn't count one, and the one who kept the conversation around his latest trip or accomplishment.  He got a hard dose of reality.  His wife finally had a breakdown (helped along with alcohol).  His daughter developed her own mental health issues.  He was numb at our sister's memorial saying he hadn't made it to see her because he thought he had more time.  So with life slapping him in the face he has done some real soul searching and he has tried so hard to understand and work on the problems in his life.  Talking to him now is wonderful.  He's finally caring.  When he asks "how are you doing?" he really wants to know.  I love to see him now.  But, he is still has the same "window dressing".  He's still late.  He still loves to talk about his latest trip ad naseum.  He's still the same guy in that respect.  The difference is underneath.  He has and continues to work with his grown daughter (who lives with him) to help her get better and, maybe someday, life a more normal life.  He has become a person for which I have admiration.  Because he changed when he needed to.

People do change.  Just not all.