I Mourn but yet I'm Grateful

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Frankie_
Frankie_ Member Posts: 422
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Today I mourn of what could have been. Nine months ago my husband and I were thrilled to learn that we were pregnant. Our life was perfect. We had just got married 7 months prior. At 38, I was thrilled to have gotten pregnant just after going off the pill only 2 months. We were happy to hear that our due date was April 5th (DH B-Day). Needless to say we were heartbroken when I miscarried just shy of 3 months and at the same time was diagnosed with breast cancer at 8 weeks. So as we celebrate my DH B-day I mourn what could have been-a celebration of two people's love- a gift from God-a baby. This was not meant to be. Today I mourn that there is no baby and that we may never have one. My heart is broken. I have bigger things to think about such as will I survive this disease. Saturday evening we saw the most beautiful rainbow, so vivid, a perfect full arch, in our own backyard. I have seen a few rainbows in my lifetime but not one such as this. It was so close as if you could reach out and touch it. It was beautiful. I 'am grateful that I was able to put my arm around my DH and be in awe for that moment. It will be a cherished memory for as long as I live.

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  • Melinda41
    Melinda41 Member Posts: 672
    edited April 2010

    ((((Frankie)))), thank you for sharing those thoughts with us.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited April 2010

    ((((Frankie))))

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I have had two miscarriages, and I still remember their due dates every year.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited April 2010

    I miscarriedas well and that is when I discovered my lump. They told me it wasn't cancer so I got pregnant again. I know how hard today will be for you. Thoughts are with you...

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited April 2010

    Frankie,

    My heart goes out to you.  I'm so sorry for all that you have been through in such a short time, and at such a young age.  But life has a way of opening opportunities when you least expect it, and I hope for many great things to come your way. 

    I can so relate to mourning but being grateful.  My DH was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2003, and we both got hit with the diagnosis the same week in 2006 (I was diagnosed and his came back).  Now, he is home on disability, and can barely take care of himself or walk up the stairs.  I mourn almost daily that the man I married is going through all this.  But we did have 19 wonderful years together, and two great children.  I am so humbled when I go to the local medical center and see little children go through cancer treatments.  Life is just not fair and good all the time, and it's so hard to hope for it to get better.

    But it will get better for you, Frankie!  You have a wonderful husband, and the two of you together will find a way to a brighter future.  Lean on your love for each other, and it will get you through this.

    Many hugs

    Bobbie

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  • Susie123
    Susie123 Member Posts: 804
    edited April 2010

    ((( HUGS )))

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited April 2010

    yeah.. sad days for me too.

    best of luck as your life continues

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  • pupfoster1
    pupfoster1 Member Posts: 1,484
    edited April 2010

    Hi Frankie,

    What loss and shock to have to go through so close together.  I had 2 miscarriages, one at 34 and one at 35.  Did finally have 2 healthy children, but very difficult pregnancies and almost lost one to RSV. I can't imagine being dx at that time.  My heart goes out to you and your husband.  Don't give up though, there are ladies out there twho have survived and still had children.  Look up Pure's profile.  I'm pretty sure it was her that found out AFTER she got pregnant about her BC.  She now has a beautiful baby.  Not easy I'm sure, but still possible until your docs tell you otherwise.  Best of luck to you.

    Take care,

    Sharon

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  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 1,685
    edited April 2010

    My sympathies are with you. I've gone through multiple miscarriages so I really can relate.  If it's any consolation, Oncology stats today had an article that they now believe pregnancy after treatment for BC is possible and may even be beneficial.  you might want to google it and read the article.  I hope things work out for you.

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  • fighting4mykids
    fighting4mykids Member Posts: 69
    edited April 2010

    I am so sorry.  Nothing I can say will take away your pain but know that we are all hear for you to lean on .   HUGS to you and your husband.  It's okay to let go and not be strong if you need to (I am learning this myself).

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited April 2010

    ((((((HUGS)))))))))))...sorry for your losses....wishing you an easy time through Tx and many, many years of happiness with your husband....

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  • DCMom
    DCMom Member Posts: 624
    edited April 2010

    I am so sorry for you and am teary remembering the pain of miscarriage.  My husband and I lost 7 babies (all early term) and my life was such a roller coaster ride during those years.  Hurrah I'm pregnant, depression of miscarriage over and over.  We did finally have our second child nine years after our first, and a third two years later.  We like to say that they were definitely worth the wait.

    You'll kick BC to the curb, get yourself healthy, and in time and with hope you will eventually hold that little one that will be forever yours.

    Crying with you....

    Susan

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  • Frankie_
    Frankie_ Member Posts: 422
    edited April 2010

    Thanks everyone for your kind supportive words, encouragment and sharing your own experiences.

    Frankie

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  • maltomlin
    maltomlin Member Posts: 343
    edited April 2010

    I really feel for your loss. I'm so sorry.

    Malx

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited April 2010

    Frankie,

    Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you today.  BiG HUGS!

    Bobbie

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  • Frankie_
    Frankie_ Member Posts: 422
    edited April 2010

    Thanks Bobbie your'e so sweet.

    Frankie

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