Partner Less than Supportive?

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  • casaredonda
    casaredonda Member Posts: 37
    edited January 2010

    Hello everyone, Happy New year

    I'm sending all of you big hugs.   I'm sad to know that your partners have not been the strong foundation that we need during this time.  I'm so blessed, my partner of 29 years was my rock and my foundation.  It was so hard for her during my chemo because she had to put in long hours at work and she knew how sick I felt at times.  For us, cancer, chemo, radiation, Arimidex and everything else is our lives have made us stronger.  She told me that we made a spiritual agreement to get through this experience with great love and devotion.

    I know people who went through the entire experience alone as they were not in relationship when they were diagnosed.  For those of you in relationship with unsupportive partners, I send my prayers for strength, courage and hope that you can count on a group of supportive friends.

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  • terrina
    terrina Member Posts: 12
    edited January 2010

    I am not sure I would have made it through without the support, love, understanding, and grace of my wife. I tried to be as self relient as I could but towards the 6th Chemo I was feeling nothing but pain and emptiness.  I thank God everyday for bringing Linda into my life.  She looked at my bald head with such love.  To this day she pets my head and in the same way she did when I first lost my hair, lovingly and with admiration.

    I say these things not to be uncaring but to let you know that there is a woman out there who is your "Soulmate" and when you find each other nothing, not even cancer, will be able to part you.

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  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 564
    edited February 2010

     When I was diagnosed, I told my partner that she would have to be the strong one this time - that I would need her to get over her stuff and be there for me.  Mostly, she has been able to do that, but she has been binge eating again after many years of not doing it.  We have had a couple of big fights - I'm used to doing more for myself and being in control of more family stuff.  Also, our youngest son is 17, and having trouble, and being trouble.  This has caused quite a bit of conflict.  So it's not a purposeful "less than supportive" but there's just a limit to how much a partner can subsume themselves to the illness and the stress of that.  And I'm not as willing to "do" for others as usual.  I've never been so close to just wanting to walk away, and yet I know that's not the answer, either.

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  • Shareee
    Shareee Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2010

    Hi, my partner was supportive but stopped wanting to be with me sexually. She didn't tell me this for months and as time went on I finally got her to admit that she wasn't attracted to me anymore because of breast cancer and the effects. Harsh but true. So I understand what its like to have someone you love turn away from you. You need to keep talking to each other and figure out whats really happening for both of you. take care, shar

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  • Sandy_1358KB
    Sandy_1358KB Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2010

    Boston Girl.  I feel your pain.  My partner of 10 years broke up with me just a week after my bi laterial mastectomy.  Our relationship was in trouble, but we had been working on it.  Suddenly, after my diagnosis and the reality of the caretaking kicked in, she also opped out.  We are still friends and living in the same house, but it is very tense.  I feel like an albatross around her neck, and it really isn't helping with the healing process.  I am coping by talking with my family and friends and living off of their support.  I also approached my doctor for some antidepressants....I'm not usually one for chemical solutions but the sheer vulnerability of the currect situation seemed to make it a necessity.  It hurts to not have that unconditional support and that one person who was always there for you, but you need to expand and take advantage of the rest of you support group.  My experience is that these people are more that happy to step in and help out.  I am sure that you have many other people who love and support you......take them up on it.  They will be pleased that you asked.  Best wishs and stay strong!

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  • cancersucks
    cancersucks Member Posts: 156
    edited October 2010

    Sandy,

    She did you a favor, that's not the kind of person you want to grow old with. There is someone out there for you and she won't abandon you in your time of need. It's a very telling time in your life right now, you find out who your real friends are, and unfortunately relationships are tested some women & men just bail. Hmm.........karma sometimes just finds people and it's not to kind.  I am very sorry she did that to you When you start to heal, do the things in life that you enjoy, that will heal your soul and your wounds. You just might find the love of your life. It's all about not looking for her and focusing on you, make a bucket list of things you have always wanted to do, one of mine is ice skating. Do things for yourself that will make your heart smile. :) Good Luck and you will find great support on this website, I found this site to be a Godsend. Have a good weekend, Peace, CS

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