Doctor/patient friendship possible? Boundaries?

I think zap has a good idea about emailing your BS. I wouldn't try to engage friendship in the middle of a course of treatment, but it sounds like your business relationship is over. It is always nice to find people you really connect with.

All of my doctors are very friendly towards me. They joke, will mention things about their lives. If you stick with the same doctors over time you get to know them a bit. All of mine are very nice people that I think I would hit it off with in most any setting. However, I have no real desire to befriend them. I like them as my doctor. I think at times when you are very ill and scared, they are a bit of a life line for a bit and play an important role. This diminishes as things resolve. That said,l she DID tell you that you could keep emailing her. I don't see what's wrong with shooting a quick email and mention coffee. She must be busy and working hard, maybe she can use another friend too. You never know. Doctors are no different from anyone else.

I just remembered that a family member actually dated one of her surgeons. I guess if that's okay a cup of coffee has to be okay. It's really more of your Dr. letting you know if she wants to be friends too. I would make any invitation very casual and light and like the above poster stated try to do it a way that does not put her on the spot.

It's pretty common to fall for your doc because they are in a position of "saving your life". I LOVED my gynocologist when I was having babies and then afterwards thought WTH???? (I also "fell" for my lawyer when I had a court case...ehhehehhe - white knights...sigh!)

That being said, you have made a great connection. I agree about the coffee email. If she balks at meeting outside of a work environment then you know she truly just enjoyed you as a patient. It is a fine line she walks as your doctor - legally. If you do hook-up emotionally you'd probably have to change docs. I would do that for a good relationship, wouldn't you?

Like Barbe, I too remember you posting about this-but a few months ago, you were saying how attracted you were to her. Now you are saying that you are not, and that you would never cross that boundary. It sounds as if you are so desperate to have a relationship with this person, that you would take whatever you can persuade her to give. I think you should back right off-before you get hurt.. I don't know how different guidelines are with you-but here this is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. I too have had some great docs in my life, and with two in particular, knew we could have been firm friends under other circumstances. "In other circumstances" being the operative words. Some very wise words from Brenda, which I hope you will read, assimilate-and then look elsewhere for a friend.

I am in close contact with my patients at the cancer center, but only at work,  it is not fair for the staff, other patients to became attached in a personal way,if I see this is going on, I request to be replaced.

It is not healthy for nobody to be "friends"with your medical team,there are boundaries and they can not be crossed,we have to have a professional distance to serve patients better.

We have patients that almost become stalkers because they became very needy.

I  was not a patient at my cancer center, I went to another hospital,to be sure that there was no personal feelings involved in my treatments and care.

Get your doctor a nice card, that would be appreciated; a doctor that dates his patients clearly do not have ethics and should be reported, some patients are fragile emotionally and this is to take advantage .

Perhaps you protest too much? This isn't the first time you have spoken about this person-you clearly want as much as possible from her, even if it does mean crossing the boundaries. You know that you shouldn't do this, but you are determined to find a way to do it which is acceptable in your head. Have you considered that this girl treats all her patients in a  simailar way?Part of her job is to put patients at their ease-and goodness, what a change to hear about a doc with a good manner. How often do we read about people rushing off for another opinion because they have taken exception to something their doc has said-so hearing about one who is witty and amusing, is a pleasant change. But I suspect you are reading way too much into it-yes, under other circumstances you could have been friends. But if you have any respect for her, then you should really back off and let her get on with what she does well-treating people, and putting them at their ease while she does so.

I still find it very disturbing that you were extremely attracted with her a few months ago, and now claim you don't want to date her.....I find this hard to believe-it's as if you are clutching at straws to stay in contact, with the hope that eventually she will get involved in a relationship with you. But at what cost to her career? If you really cared for her, you should maybe think about leaving her well alone, before the situation gets out of control. Relationship or friendship with doc-nope, it's not fair on the doc.

Raili, Keep in mind that you have been through quite a bit in a brief period of time. You had a cancer diagnosis and 3 srugeries! I can only imagine what that can do to someone and how vulnerable that could make you feel at times. A competent surgeon who understands what is going on with you must seem like such a blessing in a storm. One who is witty as well makes it even better. For your sake you may want to think about giving yourself a few weeks to sort out your feelings now that you don't need to see the surgeon on a regular basis. Ask yourself what it would be like to have to go find another surgeon and give up the one you have such a great rapport with who seems to have done such a wonderful job for you should you have another issue that needs tending to. Be fair to yourself here. Give yourself time before you do anything. You deserve that. Wait until you have our land legs back and feel like you have some semblance of your old life back before doing anything. Sorry you have gone through all you have gone through, but take care of yourself on this one! Sometimes people are not who they seem when we are in crisis or having a hard time. They may be great at that moment, but we don't really know them. Just sayin'. God Bless. Take care of yourself. Focus on getting better right now.

Just to add one more thing. I haven't see many if any posts on this board referring having much fun while dealing with surgery. I suspect it was a great diversion from dealing with the serious nature of your illness to have a funny, pleasant surgeon. That may be a factor in wanting more a relationship with this surgeon. What you experienced may not be "real" in the real world. I don't know if that is coming across right. What you experience with the surgeon may not really transfer over in another context? It may be distracting you from facing your cancer head on? I don't know. Just throwing that out there.

Oh Man, sticky wicket. Doctors have no boundaries nor do they know how to set boudaries. I worked in hospital for many years. Good surgeons are narscissistic (that is why they are so good-cannot afford to make a mistake). She probably thinks you are flattering her skills-for real. It is really easy for me to get caught up in what looks like a caring relationship at a time of crisis and very easy for me to sexualize my doctors in my head. I have found that outside of surgery, surgeons have very few social skills or have the skills that make for great relations and even if you both were to cross that boundary, usually State and Federal law prevents such a breach on her part. She could lose her license in many states. Please take care of yourself and do not read more into this than there is. i alwyas need a hero and am always looking to interpret the interest of a doctor as something else-hell, we'd all rather be doing that than dealing with cancer. Just a suggestion, find another hobby. Sorry to be so blunt, but you might want to listen to the women who have been there and done that. (((HUGS DEAR ONE))) SV

Well for what it is worth, I know when we lived in Oklahoma and my husband was in the military, we had to start a "family practice" with military doctors for everything.  The problem was, our doctor sat behind us in church and I taught his daughter in Sunday School.  I just could not see him for a GYN appointment under ANY circumstance!  I had a hard time explaining this.  So I think there are lines you just can't cross.  I think the world of my BS and PS and Onco, but would feel strange out in public seeing them since they've seen me naked!