Numb and wiped out.....

Cherylmarie,  I hear you completely.  As I posted to my blog one day, what I want to do is crawl under my bed and wiat until it was over or until I wake up.  I have had those second guessing myself sorts of days.  I actually found that I can read too much about DCIS, that by reading too many threads and too many articles I can make myself much more uncertain than certain about my decisions.  It may make me more informed, whatever that means, but it also makes me paralyzed and unable to live my life.  I have found nightly news and local news has the same impact---news reports focus on bad things in the world and make me focus on bad things in the world.  When I don't watch the news each night, while I still know that Chile had a terrible earthquake, that people are suffering in Haiti, that the war continues in Afghanistan, I don't obsess over it.  I can still appreciate what is good in my life like my children and husband and the view from my office window.  So for my news, I rely on a quick perusal of the internet or a newspaper and for what to do about my cancer, I am relying on my doctors.  I just can't educate myself as well about treatment options and still live my life.  What I can do is find good doctors with solid reputations that I trust.

I can't tell you what to do but as I have a diagnois much like yours, I can tell you what I'm doing.  I also have DCIS, grade 3 and I was positive for all the wrong things.  I had a lumpectomy, had a reexcission, start radiation in less than two weeks.  After that I will be doing the tamoxifen.  Neither the radiation nor the tamoxifen is something I wanted to do.  I really hoped that I would be told I had excellent margins and could skip additional treatment.  But it didn't work out that way.

Instead my oncologist has told me that with grade 3 DCIS, it is not a question of "if it will become invasive" but rather "when will it become invasive."  As far as tamoxifen goes, while taking that won't eliminate my chances of invasive cancer, it will improve them.  It will also improve the odds for the good breast.    And I don't have the same risk on side effects because I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago.  So the recommendation is that I try tamoxifen and see how it goes.  Per the oncologist, many of her patients do not have any issues with side effects.  If I did not have grade 3 DCIS, she would have said I could skip the tamoxifen.  Same thing with the radiation.  So I am doing radiation. 

I have three young children.  I feel I need to take every step possible to make sure that when my now 10 year daughter gets her medical degree [this week's goal!] or my sons' walk down the aisle, I am there with them.  And if dumb old tamoxifen makes that more likely than not, then thats what I have to do.

good luck.  just remember:  you are certainly NOT alone......  (((hugs!)))