How to stop being mad

I had a sister who was born with Down's Syndrome and died at the age of 14.  So learned early on that life just isn't fair.  I am not angry.  I also expect a full recovery, although life will be different.  This is not all bad.  Thoughts so far....and I realize these could change.....

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I have gotten closer to my friends scattered across the globe and had the most wonderful birthday greetings.  I engaged them via a Global Virtual Wine Party to celebrate my surgery, and will have 2 more, one at the end of chemo and the other at the end of radiation.

I needed to ditch the long hair anyway.  The way this happened may be a bit extreme, but I did donate my hair to someone who needed it a lot more than I did.  (Locks of Love.)

I have been able to keep up with most of my life throughout chemo, and do my consulting work, although this did require agressively managing energy.

I have taken this opportunity to grow and learn.

I have kept my core fitness, although have less stamina at the moment.

I was fortunate that a lumpectomy was just fine in my case, with clean margins and good cosmetic results.

I was very fortunate to have switched insurance coverage just in time to have most of my treatment covered.  (Now the DENTIST is another story.)

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I did lose some "friends" along the way as not everyone can accept that I had BC.  And my two sisters are overall MIA.

Chemo is a long slog.  Even though I have been relatively fine, just getting hit sidewise every two weeks for five months is a major endurance event.

There are some things I won't be able to consider doing in the future.  For example, don't think I will be able to live abroad for an extended period of time as will need to be monitored.  So a bit of a loss of (perceived) freedom.

I had to give up a year of my life for treatment.

Not sure if this is a + or -, but will need to be a lot more diligent about managing my weight.  I love to eat, but will need to keep my weight about 25 pounds below what it was going in.  This is a matter of making sure I am here, not vanity.

But on balance, not all that bad.  I think it is helpful that this is not the first time I have been hammered by life so I do understand that I can and will recover.  As usual, this will probably take more time than I am willing to allocate.  (You will notice that I have not learned patience.)

Right now, I am looking forward to summer cycling events, to a new edgy hair style, to a new avenue for my consulting work, to being able to travel once again, to having a REAL celebration for a milestone birthday.

These things will come, and life will continue to be great.