How to stop being mad

Claire_in_Seattle

I had a sister who was born with Down's Syndrome and died at the age of 14.  So learned early on that life just isn't fair.  I am not angry.  I also expect a full recovery, although life will be different.  This is not all bad.  Thoughts so far....and I realize these could change.....

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I have gotten closer to my friends scattered across the globe and had the most wonderful birthday greetings.  I engaged them via a Global Virtual Wine Party to celebrate my surgery, and will have 2 more, one at the end of chemo and the other at the end of radiation.

I needed to ditch the long hair anyway.  The way this happened may be a bit extreme, but I did donate my hair to someone who needed it a lot more than I did.  (Locks of Love.)

I have been able to keep up with most of my life throughout chemo, and do my consulting work, although this did require agressively managing energy.

I have taken this opportunity to grow and learn.

I have kept my core fitness, although have less stamina at the moment.

I was fortunate that a lumpectomy was just fine in my case, with clean margins and good cosmetic results.

I was very fortunate to have switched insurance coverage just in time to have most of my treatment covered.  (Now the DENTIST is another story.)

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I did lose some "friends" along the way as not everyone can accept that I had BC.  And my two sisters are overall MIA.

Chemo is a long slog.  Even though I have been relatively fine, just getting hit sidewise every two weeks for five months is a major endurance event.

There are some things I won't be able to consider doing in the future.  For example, don't think I will be able to live abroad for an extended period of time as will need to be monitored.  So a bit of a loss of (perceived) freedom.

I had to give up a year of my life for treatment.

Not sure if this is a + or -, but will need to be a lot more diligent about managing my weight.  I love to eat, but will need to keep my weight about 25 pounds below what it was going in.  This is a matter of making sure I am here, not vanity.

But on balance, not all that bad.  I think it is helpful that this is not the first time I have been hammered by life so I do understand that I can and will recover.  As usual, this will probably take more time than I am willing to allocate.  (You will notice that I have not learned patience.)

Right now, I am looking forward to summer cycling events, to a new edgy hair style, to a new avenue for my consulting work, to being able to travel once again, to having a REAL celebration for a milestone birthday.

These things will come, and life will continue to be great.

victoriasecret

Funny thing I was at my reiki session and my  Reiki master asked me  "After all you have been through what are you feeling.?"..hmm ..I had to stop and think ..then she went down the  emotions list when she hit anger ..Yep thats the one ..I have to move on I know that ...