Last treatment tomorrow.....

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victoriasecret
victoriasecret Member Posts: 333
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Hi girls

 Well its been a lifetime since June15th thats when my"lump" was found and now i am at the end of my treatment journey slash/poisoned/burned....

Sometimes I sit and think "What the ---- just happened to me !!!its surreal at times !!I am reminded dailey when I look at the carnage that once was my body...I have had 3 major surgeries in 3 years my breast being the last...Well meaning friends tell me how strong I am ,how much I have been through...I dont want to be strong ...I want to turn the clock back ..I know thats not going to happen.

Today I am feeling sad not depressed just teary and sad...I should be jumping for joy that treatment is over .I absolutely know this is very normal ..end of treatment ,safety nets,etc.

My son asked me today how they would know if i am ok...hes 24 so I broke down..then composed myself and told him the truth I dont know.

Tomorrow I dont know how I will handle the END...I danced out of Chemo but with the end of rads treatment is done...

much love

Cheryl

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Comments

  • AsiaYM
    AsiaYM Member Posts: 2,216
    edited February 2010

    Congrats! Cheryl, so happy for you!  Time to celebrate!Cool

    Hugs, Karen

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  • gfbaker
    gfbaker Member Posts: 173
    edited February 2010

    Hi Cheryl,

    First, congrats on being done with treatment. Second, I totally get where you are at. There is so much support while you are in treatment, but not much for afterward. Are you in a support group? I would highly recommend one. You can talk with other women about how they got through this time, and see that there is a future where its not the first and last thing on your mind each day. Remember too, you will still see your onc every 3 months, and the moment anything comes up they will see you asap, so you really won't be on your own, it will just be on your terms, not the treatment schedule.

    Best wishes, and remember to keep taking it easy for awhile!

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2010

    Cheryl - Big Yippee for being done with treatment! I remember when you first posted, you've come a long way.

    Sometimes I still think "what the heck happened..." I think for most of us the whole experience stays a little surreal. And, sometimes I get sad too. But, you know what, I live everyday in happiness,  I have learnt not to let fear of tomorrow interfere with the enjoyment of today. You'll get to that place too.

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  • pinkribbongirl
    pinkribbongirl Member Posts: 31
    edited February 2010

    Cheryl,

    Congrats on being done with the treatments!!!  I totally understand what your saying, I had a teary day on my last chemo day as well.  I wasn't quite sure where the tears came from, cause i was soooo thankful to be done with treatment.  The unknown is so scary!  Keep your chin up and be good to yourself!Innocent

    Hugs to you,

    pinkribbongirl

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited February 2010

    Cheryl, congrats!   Even with the fears and unknowns of the "end" of active treatment give yourself a huge pat on the back for completing it.  Pamper yourself, tell your son you want and expect to be pampered for the day.  Then....go on.  One day at a time.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2010

    Yipeeeee on being done. 

    Treat yourself to something nice................ have a "me" day................ and let yourself have a good cry, get it out of your system - them smile because you are done, done, done!!!

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  • cherneski
    cherneski Member Posts: 726
    edited February 2010

    C~ I am sooooooooo HAPPY FOR YOU!  Much love sista! 

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  • Diana63
    Diana63 Member Posts: 773
    edited February 2010

    You will find yourself again, congradulation on the end of treatment.

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  • Diana63
    Diana63 Member Posts: 773
    edited February 2010

    You will find yourself again, congratulation on the end of treatment.

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  • lexi4
    lexi4 Member Posts: 1,074
    edited February 2010

    Ending tx is scary. I was really emotional, too. I felt like if I wasn't constantly battling the cancer than it surely would come back. But, with time, the fear went away. It doesn't happen overnight but you will get on with the NEW normal.

    I am so happy that you have completed your tx. I hope that you treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it!

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited February 2010

    Congrats, you made it through breast cancer and treatment afterwards.....you should be a different person now!!  Be good to yourself now!

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  • Let-It-Be
    Let-It-Be Member Posts: 325
    edited February 2010

    Yay Cheryl!!!!  It's been a long haul but you're done and you don't have to see JCC until Zometa in April.  How good is that? 

    Spoil yourself indeed!

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited February 2010

    Congrats on finishing Tx....as the others said, treat your self to something special that you enjoy or want....if you are going on tamox or one of the AI's (I see you are ER+/PR+, you will still be getting some sort of Tx, though its not the same as what I call "active Tx"...when I was Dx, I remember thinking that my onc would become my new best friend as he would be seeing me for the rest of my life.....but now 4 years later, I am tired of going to the onc every 3 months...would love to give it up all the way, but then I know that would be too scary and I would whine that I need to be seen!!!! HUGS....

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited February 2010

    Congrats!!!  Time to put cancer in the back seat :-)

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  • fighting4mykids
    fighting4mykids Member Posts: 69
    edited February 2010

    I know exactly the mixed emtions you are feeling. To be honest I am still feeling anxious about no poisons to kill the cancer but at the same time I am getting MY life back little by little.  I am on Tamoxifen so I feel like I have something to help but as others here told me, it takes time to not think about cancer every waking moment and sure enough little by little, I am able to live in the moment and feel 'normal' without wondering if the cancer is coming back.

    congrats on moving past this stage. It's a terrible ride that none of us wanted to get on, so it's time for you to get off and start your 'new life'.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited February 2010

    I completly understand how you feel. I am 8 weeks away from chemo being done and I am already freaking out-feeling sad, mad, etc-I feel like I am starting all over with the emotions. My counsler explained there is a period of adjustment for survivors after treatment ends and it can be really hard and he wants us to get together for some sessions.  I plan on doing so b-c when this is over this is over and I don't want my emotions holding me back. In a lot of ways I don't really know how to live my "new" life.

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  • kim40
    kim40 Member Posts: 904
    edited February 2010

    Congrats Cheryl!!!  You DID it!!! You have come a long way - time to celebrate!!!

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  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 786
    edited February 2010

    Congrats to you!!!  I had they same feelings during and at the end of rads.

    During my whole tx my phone rang off the hook,cards came almost daily in the mail, flowers after every chemo from my Dad and then it all stopped. I was once again alone ( single Mom) and scared.

    I think by the end of tx we are all mentally drained whether we feel it or not. Just know you are not alone.

    BIG HUGS

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