How Do you Deal with This

I also saw "the" magazine this morning waiting in the check out line.

Didn't even pick it up! Nope, won't do it.

When I was going through treatment, anything that had the word cancer, especially breast on it....I looked at. Trying to inform myself. Like Womans Health mag for instance or Health magazine

 There was always a sad story, then I would try to figure out what stage the woman was ect...and treatment that she had, going by her year of diagnosis. It got really tiring, AND it would bring me down.

I remember my husband and I were going away for a long weekend for our 15th (so 4 years ago - 2 years before I was diagnosed) anniversary.  I bought a few magazines for the car ride and since it was October they were all breast cancer awareness and pink.  I remember crying in the car on the way to our weekend because of all the sad stories - bc scared me then too!

Crap Pure,

I know exactly what you are talking about.  I can go for long times and not think about my mortality and then that kind of s#$t (can we curse here???:::)))) knocks me down too. 

What's been getting to me as of late are the Avon and Komen Walk TV ads.  I live in the Washington DC area and we are hosting BOTH events this year. Komen had not been here for the 3 day in several years.  Now don't get me wrong, I think they are both fantastic for the cause, and I have participated in the Avon Walk for 4 out of the past 5 years.  But sheesh, every other commercial is either one or the other, and they are the same commercials over and over again.  Komen has a particuarly sad part in theirs where a young woman is holding a pic of her Mom who passed away from BC and is talking all teary eyed about her.  It just makes me think of my daughter and if she is going to have to feel that way sometime sooner than later.  GRRRR.  And Komen isn't until October!  Am I going to have to see that same commercial every time I turn the TV on till then???  It's bad enough having my bald head remind me constantly of this disease.

Take care Pure,

Love,

Sharon

Pure, it's beautiful over on the beaches here, I try to do a 3 mile walk 2x a week and am getting addicted to it...I should have been doing that before since it is just a 5 minute drive...I love the secludedness of Melb. beach.....We drive that way when we go to the Melb. mall just for the ambience, also love to go to Sabastion, just went to an "Eddie Money" concert at Capt. Hirams....

My husband is one of those Kennedy Space Center workers whose jobs are to be eliminated if they truly close down the Space Center in Sept. this year..What in the world is our government thinking, not having a Space Agency, what are our kids even going to school for if there are no jobs for some of these out-of-this-world scientific minds?....This place will be devastated!!!....He may have to take something out of our area, but we love it here and will keep our home.

I do think that you are an inspiration for somanywomen on this cite, like I said, keep up the good work!!!!!!

Pure

I have read so many of your posts and can relate to them all and understand and just your first line is so spot on, how we can go for awhile up and then something knocks us down.

I have been one of those that gets obsessed and paralyzed many times.

Two suggestions:

1. Like you said this is more than a physical issue, it is an issue of mind and soul, work on healing your soul as well. The most help I have gotten is working with a therapist that is very spiritual in nature. I am 17 years in the medical industry and very much a believer in Western Medicine but also believe we have to heal our soul so it finds a new course of living and healing. I have been seeing a lady that works on cranial sacral massage and polarity, at first it sounded very obscure but she is part of very prestigous fertility practice here in PHX and she is well known for helping ladies being able to work through infertility issues and health issues of the mind, body and spirit. I will tell you that is what I have been concentrating on since all of my treatment has been complete and it is very helpful. (it is part of the healing) Daily meditation is also part of what I do to help

2. While still in treatment I would take lorazapam just to get some relief. I am sure you are doing all you need to do physically and your treatment sounds like it is very thourough, so now work on your mind and soul.

If you can read Eckhart Tolle "the power of now" it helped me immensely!!

I think those stories are of course a little tough to read however.....

I know so many people now that are doing well and they were all stage 2 and 3....and many years, many years out. No stories written about them.

Like others have said....these are one off stories and have nothing to do how we will individually perform.  

I did everything I could to fight this disease.....everything.  I have to be content that if it comes back I did everything I could have.

I heard the story too of the two people who died in the snow storm this week....and I come to the same conclusion....only God knows when our day is up.  Every day I wake up and open my eyes I say a quick thank you to God  that I will see my kids another day and I feel good.

Jacqueline 

Pure- I have days like you as well. I too was sadden about the girl from the show Survivor. I thought if that could happened to her it could happen to me too. I have thought about her a lot. Although I think the story is sad, I think that it brings awareness to the public about bc. Before her death she was doing things in the public to help raise funds and awareness about bc.

Like Maryiz wrote- not many people really understand what bc is all about. This goes for my friends, co-workers, etc. (they) just think if you can just get through surgery, treatments (chemo + rads) then your home free. They don't realize that there are different forms of bc, stages, grades, and that it can SPREAD throughout your body. If it was just that easy to cut it out and if we were guaranteed that it would not spread after treatments then that would be wonderful! Even my office partner said something to me recently that made me wonder if she even understands bc (even though she had it 10 years ago at the age of 47). She was one of those people that said "Once you get through your treatments you'll be fine!"  I'm sure she meant well. When I asked her about her experience -She simply stated "I have put it all behind me". When I asked her what stage her bc cancer was she could only tell me she was stage 1 with no lymph node involvement. She could not recall her grade, etc. She didn't have hormone therapy, etc. She could'nt even understand why I was going through so many scans etc. I too take comfort coming to the site (where I feel support by other's who have the same worries, hopes, etc. and because I feel like my friends, co-workers and even my twin sister really don't understand (what we go through- physically, emotionally, mentally). 

Jenn3-I am a lot like you (OCD) in ways that I've always been one to plan out everything and to have everything in my life so organized...One thing I have learned about life (since dx) with bc. You can plan out everything your heart desires but suddenly when you least expect it BAM!!! Your life can forever be changed! My husband and I were together 5 years before we got married (1 year married) and we planned everything out and immediately got pregnant as planned...and then at 8 weeks I found my lump and lost the baby at 9.5 weeks. I just turned 39 and fear that we will not be able to have a baby dur to age, chemical menopause (at least for now) and because I can expect to have future treatments after chemo (Herceptin & Zometa-as a preventative). I wonder if this disease will spread to my body before (if & when I get a 2nd chance to get pregnant) again! I sometimes think it would be very lonely for my husband not to have a child and if something should ever happen to me because of this disease.

everyminute & Merilee- I have never been one to "live in the moment" but I am trying too! It's like Merilee wrote "none of us our guaranteed" I heard in the news recently in Toronto a woman and her daughter were killed by a reckless driver. The woman had bc and just completed all of her treatments. It just made me think! I am so focused on the possibility of dying from bc (there's a good possibility that I may not). Many of us can relate that bc takes that emotional security away. Before my dx I really didn't think about dying, just knew it would happen one day and that was good enough for me!

Frankie

I don't know how well I deal with things.....sometimes my head is in the sand....sometimes I worry too much.....sometimes hearing about others doesn't bother me as like before BC, I don't think it will happen....but damn I got BC in the first place, so mostly I feel that if it could happen to someone else, it could happen to me....I pick and choose what I want to read.....some days I can handle things, others not....but still waiting for a good cry!!!!

My Surgeon said they measure the "longest" part - mine was like a bunch of grapes, long and skinny.....and part of it was DCIS....still......

Maybe that % is after Surgery and before Chemo...?? This stuff could drive you crazy.

Thank you! Actually, I was looking at hair colouring just this weekend....I think I will wait until "hat season" is over, but I was thinking of going red again....

And I will not even think about that Freaking 19%.....

Pure, I think it is very normal to ciompare oursleves, Please remember that we al all different and have different tx.

I remember the survivor girl, who actually delayed her chemotherapy, just for abit , but who knows. and with E Edwards, whi knows in that case too?

  The most important thing is that MOST of us will do well.

Try  hard to dwell on the blessings, I know it's hard, but it will get easier.

How's my boy. Killian?