How Do you Deal with This
I can go days feeling good, hopeful for my future, etc. Then something will happen and I get knocked down.
Today I picked up a People magazine and in it was all about Elizabeth Edwards and well she is terminal -why do they call her terminal. Isn't every human terminal. She actually is such inspiration ,as she runs a furniture store, just left her husband etc-she lives a full life despite. But still it saddens me to rad she had this reoccurence.
But then as I scroll further through th emag I come across a story of a girl who use to be on the show Survivor-she was diagnosed at age 31 stage 3 and 4 years later had reoccurence to her spine and died 2 years later at age 37. I am 37.
If broke my heart-this beautiful girl so young, no kids, etc.
And now all I can think about is the WHAT IF'S. These storys are so hard to come across and not imagine yourself, your own death, etc. I hate that one simple story knocks me down and the thought that I will live the next few years constantly wondering sucks.
I go through the whole speech of how I am getting different treatment, how my chemistry is not hers, bla bla bla- but that doomed feeling is so overwhelming sometimes and I start to panic.
How do you keep the hope going despite sad stories?
Comments
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My onc used to say.....Well, the thousends of women each year who do well, we never hear from them.
Dont forget, its only the popular people we often read about in the magazines. trust me, once you will start your Tamoxofin, do your daily exercise, eat well, you will feel and ACT as a survivor.
And you will be one, in a many years from now, you will tell the same to someone young who then will be in the same situation as you are right now.
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Hi Jen, I read the same rag mags a couple of days ago and broke a happy go lucky streak of about 5 days of not thinking of BC at all (I was just on vacation in Fla.) I read that same People mag. I normally don't read magazines, or watch tv. I was really pissed that those stories made me kooky. My Mom set me back on track by saying "what about all the stories of women who do well and thrive?" So that is what we have to remember and to hang onto. We don't know if we will be those survivors, but why not? It's so easy for girls like us to just spiral down the wrong road with a trigger like those stories in People, but, I guess the solution back to the surface is to remember that we can in fact die as little old ladies. And remember, more people heal of cancer than any other disease.
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I saw on the news tonight that two people in Virginia died today due to the snow. On my way to work Wednesday morning, I passed a strip mall that was roped off with police tape, and the parking lot was wall-to-wall cops; a 22-year-old man had been stabbed to death several hours earlier in a fight over a taxi. I'm willing to bet that none of the people I just mentioned had breast cancer, nor did they expect to die that day. That's how I keep hope going despite the sad breast cancer stories.
Death can come at any hour to any of us, regardless of our health. That may be a bigger bummer than thinking about dying of bc, but I find it rather comforting. I feel that my odds of being alive five years from now are as good as or better than most people's, despite having had cancer.
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If I read a story ...or hear a story, I just say to myself "thats their story, not mine."
We will always here about someone getting diagnosed or passing from BC. But everyones story is different. Everyones pathology, treatment an general health....is different. I do not compare myself to anyone else. Im me. And I like it that way.
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I'm so glad you posted this so I didn't have to. I was on here earlier and was thinking the same thoughts. All through the pregnancy I never thought about the possibility of death from this. Now, with that stupid questionable spot on my liver my mind has finally gone there. I'm so mad about it! I was kind of living in denial, not letting myself look at survival rates, etc. Not like I think I am going to die from this now, but just the realization of it all is settling. My family and friends are trying to be positive and are like, oh a small spot? That's a good thing! It could be worse! They don't know! I don't want to be like well, even if it's a small spot and it is cancer I probably won't be here in 10 years. While reading these posts though, I did have a positive thought. Look at all the women on this here website. Most of them get better, not worse. You hear success stories everyday. Sure, there are the other stories too, but it's true that they're not going to have as many cancer success stories in mags as the sad ones. They are all about emotions, anyways.
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O Pure....
Can't imagine what this must be like with a newborn and all. Unfortunately, stories about people who have had breast cancer and done well usually don't get press. You might look up the clip about Hoda Kotb though. I realize she was Stage 1 so not comparable, but my take-away is that the experience made her fearless. I don't remember who the anchor was who did her shows w/o wig a few years ago while her hair grew back.
As for Elizabeth Edwards, she will probably do ever so much better now that she is free from that poster guy for skanky behavior. And the ratbastard fancied himself President!!!!
Prior to my surgery, I was freaking. I healed myself by doing a cycling tour of the San Juan Islands. Fortunately, the group I was with were kind to me. They were better cyclists than me anyway. Had the most wonderful time and focused on preparing for the journey ahead.
The other thing that happened just before surgery is that I had a vision of myself cycling down the same road one year hence.....totally the same expcept for being missing a couple of chunks of flesh and sporting a much shorter hair style. I keep going to that vision whenever my mind wanders off course.
And then I just try to filter out negative news...... I don't look at stories about gruesome child molesters either. Or stories about fires. This is important because I usually get to the papers just before bed. Guess what type of dreams I don't want?
The final thing I do is make sure I cycle so I get endorphin highs. I would suspect that this happens to you to with the type of exercise you are doing. I am not battling hormonal fluctuations like you are, but exercise makes all the difference in the world for me.
Hang in there Pure. You will be just fine. Chemo is no fun, but I have done other things that were no fun either. And guess what???? It all really came out OK.
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Oh my goodness, that was the worst People Magazine ever! I read it too, and thought they should have put a warning on the cover! We also watched the Survivor Special last week, and it was dedicated to the girl who died. It is horrible when it is "in your face" like that....it does derail you for a while.
All I can do is just think of the "real" people I know - all the women posting here who are 4, 5, 6 years out. We've had two 4 year anniversaries just last week - People magazine surely isn't writing articles on Bugs and Karen! Or on Sherri, or Weesa, or Diana, or Jacqueline, or Kim ....I could go on and on.
BC is a serious, and sometimes fatal, disease. You are always going to hear about someone passing away from it. And it is normal to be rattled by it. But remember, you are reading someones elses story. That is not going to be yours!
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Feb 5, 2010 07:37 am wallycat wrote:
If anyone reads Prevention magazine, go to page 7.
A 4 time cancer survivor has a great short column. Diagnosed at 30, she had 4 recurrences, the worst of them to brain and liver. She went through lumpectomy, two brain surgeries and had 31% of her liver removed and is now 7 years NED!
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I'm clearly reading the wrong magazines.....
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To put it simply I try to live in that place where teenagers live - you know the one where they think they are invincible but also dont spend a lot of time envisioning their future?
Teenagers will smoke, drink, do poorly in school and still envision themselves winning the olympics and becoming a rockstar :-)
I live for today - I plan my next vacation - I lowered my 401k contribution but I still hope for the future. I allow myself hope but I dont live in denial either. I just live. I see an article on Elizabeth Edwards and I run for the hills. I only go to movies that others have seen so I know that no one dies from cancer.
And every night when I close my eyes I beg God for a long happy healthy life - which were the exact words my husbands brother said to me before he died (and he did not know I had cancer - we didnt tell him). And sometimes I am scared. And sometimes I am sure I wont beat this. But I push those thoughts aside and continue to live - Ima gonna live til the day I die!
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Kerry-lol You and me both
Mary-Having gone through these deaths right before you were diagnosed must be so hard since it's so fresh in your mind.
Celtic-All I had to do was read the FIRST line of your post and I got it-really good good point!
Clarie-Tks:) I KNEW I shouldn't pick that magazine up.....
Let It Be-Tks.....I am glad I am not the only one who read and got affected by that article.
Its 2010 and we are about to take part in a new decade of cancer research. We had Zometa, Vit D, etc so we do have so much hope and we truly are a different generation of BC Survivors.
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There are some great words of advice posted here. So many amazing people fighting this disease...
I also try to remember that for each story of someone who has succumbed to this disease, there are thousands of people who are survivors and are out living their lives. When I was first diagnosed and I would get scared, I would tell myself, "many women have gone through this and are just fine, and i will be too." And, despite the fact that this disease SUCKS, I also know I really could have it much worse... At least I have a fighting chance... I could have been diagnosed with ALS or paralyzed in an automobile accident or any other number of horrible things...
I do think as another posted mentioned, we are lucky to have so many advances in treatment available to us now that weren't available a few years ago.
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OMG Jen - my poor husband. He lost his brother and I got diagnosed in the same month. But when I said something to him he said "I know my brother is going to die and I am sad about that but I also know that you are going to live" He believes that with all his heart, even when (especially) I dont.
He supports everything I do - exercise, volunteer work, buys me anything I want (even if we cant afford it) and never says no (which is not always a good thing). Occasionally it creeps in my head - what is he going to do if I die and I realize that it doesnt matter because I am here now - so I hug him tighter, tell him I love him and try to squeeze out as much life out of every day as possible.
I truly believe I am still the luckiest girl in the world.
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One day at a time. Enjoy the day you are standing in because it is the only one that is guaranteed for any of us BC or not.
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I have a friend with almost the same diagnosis as me who is ten years out. She celebrated her ten year anniversary in Virgin Islands this past November. She doesnt exercise, she never had an oopherectomy, she didnt have Zometa, and she has crazy stress (her blind mother lived with her until she recently died and 3 years ago her house burned to the ground and she had to completely rebuild)
In my scariest moments I tell myself is she can do it - so can I.
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Thats why we are here to help each other and try to move on with our lives.
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I have been thinking about this all morning!
I really just think we have to go on the best we can. I am like Mary - when I get scared, I just hug my kids and husband a bit tighter, tell them I love them, focus on today. I try not to think too much about the future - really, thinking too much about my kids growing up without me would just cripple me.
I try to be happy and positive, as I really don't want my kids worrying. My Daughter was talking about going to Disneyland the other day - we had said last year that we would look into going once my Treatment was over. And she was saying "You said we could go when all your Boobie stuff was over with, and Mummy, that was ages and ages and ages ago." So, I am happy that in their minds it is all in the past.
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I admire the way you young mothers handle it all.You are amazing woman.
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Pure: I've been feeling so down the last two days. Keep thinking maybe it's just the Femara and ooph kicking in. I try to not cry by blinking fast, but still some tears roll down. It's not fear or anything. I just feel yucky....sick, tired, hot then cold. The relentless pain in the left side of my chest is getting me down. I'm bumming. I don't think it's doom and gloom....just feel like crap. I don't want to be a party pooper, but not feeling so well. Jean
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Ok I will chime in I too had read about the girl from survivor ,got that pit in my stomach and then moved on....I know it is hard at times to remain positive and we all get those thoughts now and again ...but I will not let it consume me ...sometimes I have to remove myself from the boards for that reason ...lately I have been more active.
Try to read only positives heres one Lolly Suzy google her an American actress living in England... with many pos. nodes, read her story in a Chicken Soup book( for breast cancer)I ..whenever I get down I repeat Lolly Suzy !!!
ml C
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Jean heres a hug ...love cheryl
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sorry and one for you Jen !!
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Vs-Tks:)
Jean I am so sorry you feel bad. Do something good for yourself today!
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gosh...
i just don't think about it. I know my chances of living cancer free for the rest of my life are slim.. and that's just a fact. Still, I go on as if nothing were different. I am not the panicky type. There is no use worrying about things. I know there are things I can do and I do them. I use every moment to ensure that my children's future and mine is fruitful. that's all I can do. that and pray. Worrying serves me not
everyminute counts and I think you know that and are doing everything you can do to thrive. Part of thriving is being happy and productive in spite of things.
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I remember a conversation I had with one of my old friends shortly before surgery. She asked how I was, and I said "fine" because I really felt just great that day. She said "you're not fine, you have cancer". I replied, "yes, but I see this as a major speed bump, not as the end of the world. And I will be just fine a year from now."
Then she went on to describe how long a recovery from surgery takes "at our age"!
Well, I just blew through surgery to the point that my surgeon said she had never seen anyone recover from "no small surgery" like I did. And I am assuming that everything else will turn out exactly the same way.
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Very wise words Apple. I was already on the point that this isn't a "dress rehearsal". And I believe that this experience will take me to new and exciting places.
Going to dark places just doesn't help. I also view all the treatment I am receiving as being no worse than "no fun". And none of us knows what the future will bring. I nearly got hit by a bus when in my 20s. Missed me by inches.
Now, if I only had a crytal ball about Taxol. Am doing my second of six infusions on Monday. Right now, the hair on my head is trying to grow back. So I will either have significant regrowth at the end of the month or be bald (or nearly so). I am ready now to ditch my wigs, but don't want to if I am about to lose all my hair. Of course, I won't know which it is for another three weeks.
I was laughing about all this last night during dinner with my neighbor who says he just loves my "power bitch" look.
So we shall see.
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For me the AC took my hair but durring the taxol rounds it was actually growing back but very slowly.Good luck with your rounds and i recomend the biotene mouthwash.I used it alot and it really helped with the mouth issues.
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Before Cancer I had good days and bad days. Since Cancer I have good days and bad days. Feel what you feel. Cry when you need to. Turn the TV off or put the magazine down. Or watch and read and have a good cry. I do not think we get over anything....we get through it. I do not think that there is a "new normal". I think change is constant and we roll with it the best way we can. I try to choose happy and find the joy. Some days I am more successful than others. Fear is anxiety producing and feeds on itself. Recognize it and manage it and your bad days may be less. Try and remember that no one has a promise for tomorrow...and when you can not find the joy or the "Hope" find someone who needs it more than you and get out of your own head. I am best when it is not about me.
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Pure, one very important thing I have learned from reading these articles is that typically, the author does not understand breast cancer. They don't know the various types of breast cancer, nor the current therapies or the soon to be released treatments that may kick the beast to the curb. Ms. Edwards also started out with triple negative breast cancer, which changed to triple positive, I believe, so her prognostic factors have changed. I don't believe terminal is the appropriate word at all. What does that mean? She may have a totally normal life span, despite having cancer. She probably will die of something else. I avoid those stories like the plague. Pure, you are young, healthy, have good prognostic factors, you are at an awesome breast center. You will be here to eat cake when you are a very old lady. I can't guarantee the teeth though. Maryiz
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Thanks Mariz:) You are so right on!!!
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