Starting Chemo April 2009

15859616364173

Comments

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited January 2010

    Geri - Here's to many more years of friendship ahead!!!

    Just stopped by to wish everyone a good and cosy weekend!

    Hugs to all, Judy xoxox

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    It is so good that we are all keeping in touch..Geri, Dawn, Helen..I wonder where our Lena is...haven't heard the result of her numerous scans..hopefully they all went well...dang it..they better have! 

    Judy..I will work on that picture..as you are hopeless at facebook I'm hopeless at copying and pasting or whatever I need to do..I will work at it..I promise!  I have been crazy at work...and our house is Hotel Williams....one kid coming home and leaving, the next one coming home and leaving..I find myself cooking and cleaning..before, during and after their stay..plus trying to find a semblance of being alone with my DH...it is something that I have to become accustomed too!   I see my onc 3 weeks from tomorrow and looking forward to it..I have a list of things I want to talk to him about..I'm not nervous about seeing him...yet....These past 3 months since that last visit have gone quickly..and can I say..well yeah I can....things are "almost" back to normal..Though I think of you guys every day,,,alot...I also go for hours without even thinking about BC....I think that sometimes that the mind just takes over and helps blank out the bad stuff...does that make sense????  people treat me the same as they used too..before...and my hair..tho it is different..well people just think it is a great new style...I guess I have to come to terms with being back in the "main stream" again....and I'm getting there...it gets easier every day.

    Though..we went for our walk today...saw a beautiful sunset (yes..once in awhile in an Ohio winter)...saw some geese flying by and I just stopped and stared and admired it...I don't think that I would have done that a year or so ago....things are just..sweeter now!

  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited February 2010

    Hey ladies...I'm glad to hear most of you are feeling better each day. Not so in my case. My breast just doesn't want to give me a break. There has yet to be a day that it doesn't hurt or isn't uncomfortable since mid December. I still can't wear the bra I bought post surgery. It's too tight...that's how I know it's still swollen. After surgery my bc breast was a cup size or 2 smaller than my healthy breast. I bought the bra because of ease of getting into it and just in case I kept shrinking I could stuff it to make me look a little more even. Little did I know that my problem would end up being just the opposite from what I anticipated. 

    I'm bummed to say I'm still totally boob focused. Some days are worst than others - today is a bad one. I feel every movement and I'm beginning to think I will never return to a "normal without pain" life. Thankfully I don't look sick anymore but I've noticed everyone assumes I'm doing great...but my body says differently. Oh well...not much I can do about it. No point in complaining, I know others have it much worse.  I just have to be patient and keep my fingers crossed that things will improve soon.

    I love hearing how good most of you are doing...so don't stop writing. 

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Good afternoon all!

    Titan - so good to hear that you are busy with your life! I too find myself appreciating the small things in life. At the weekend, we went out walking in the snow (which I am not a big fan of...) and it turned into a snowball fight, Mum and Dad against kids! I would never have done that a year ago. I just thought, how lucky I am and how I never thought I would get to this point.

    But I still have bad days, mostly stomach related. I am still on the fence with reconstruction, so for now, I am just wearing forms and for most of the day, I don't really think about it.

    Betsy, I am so sorry that you are still feeling unwell! What does the doc say about it? Can they treat the problem so that you can get back to yourself? I remember during chemo, whenever one of us suffered really nasty SEs, we always encouraged each other to push the doc for help. Is your doc helping you get over this problem? I really hope that things take a turn for the better very soon for you ((((((HUGS))))))).

    Helen - it's been too long! How is the hair coming along?

    Dawn - let us know how your trip to Disney went - I hope the weather held up for you there!

    Hugs to all and keep on hanging in there, we are so close to being out of the woods, but still a little way to go Smile

    Judy xoxox

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Judy...who won the snowball fight?  That sounds like tons of fun!  I don't like snow much either but the idea of throwing a few snowballs at the kids and the DH sounds like alot of fun! Our new cat likes the snow too...I don't think he knows that he is a cat and supposed to hate water.

    Little low today...today would have been my brother in law's 50th b-day..he died 3 years ago this month of cancer...then a year ago when I was diagnosed I think my dh's family thought I was a goner too...now that I have made it a year..and feeling good..so far..they have lightened up a little...they were freaking me out..coming to vist and bring flowers and stuff..I was like..I'm not dead yet and I AM NOT SICK!  Denial??  Maybe..but I still have never felt sick.  I also saw in the paper that a lady died at 56...she was a cancer survivor for 14 years and then 2 years ago had a reoccurence...don't know her but I was thinking..man...14 years!  And then to have this crap come back...it kinda sucks.

    Betsy...I agree with Judy...hound that doctor!  I'm sure that he/she is doing the best for you but maybe whine a little more...I think I was a little more annoying at times that they were about ready to give me anything to get me out of there.

    Remember taxol..when you had to have your blood pressure taken every second!  When the nurses weren't looking I would take off the cuff!  It hurt to have it taken because the cuff was on the same arm as the iv for the chemo...or I would just have to go to the bathroom right before it was time to take the bp....finally they gave up and I didn't have to have it on anymore...I told them that if I felt dizzy I would tell them...I wasn't stupid..but it just hurt and I wasn't going to deal with it.

  • Alaina
    Alaina Member Posts: 461
    edited February 2010
    Jars of Clay

    January was a tough month for me. A lot happened, good, bad, and in-between.

    I worked really hard to not feel sorry for myself over the whole NotGonnaEverHaveYourOwnKids issue. I think I'm doing ok.

    I MOVED!!! I decided that I wanted to start this year in new space, a new environment. My old apartment was lovely, really, but it was up 3 steep flights of stairs (how I managed those during chemo is nothing short of a miracle), and it didn't have a washer/dryer. It was time for me to upgrade a bit and get a place that had the majority of amenities I needed to be comfortable and productive in my personal life.

    My new place is absolutely gorgeous! Big, spacious, impeccably appointed by my buddy (and new landlord), AND up only ONE flight of steps and WITH a washer/dryer (and even a dishwasher!) Doing laundry in my own space 2 days ago was ridiculously blissful! Hey, it's the little things! LOL!!!

    On a sadder note, one of God's brightest lights was called home last week. A young woman I used to babysit, whose mother and my mother are extremely close friends, died unexpectedly. She was only 30 years old and pregnant (due at the end of February). Truly a gift from God, her newborn daughter survived. I attended her funeral today, and since hearing of her death, have been navigating waves of sorrow, shock, sadness, and wistful memories of this wonderful young woman.

    The Eulogist highlighted a scriptural passage that always manages to comfort and uplift me in times of great challenge, sadness, and fear.

    2 Corinthians 4: 7-12 / 16-18: "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

    Seeing our lives, our bodies, as strong, yet fragile, jars of clay, has always been a meaningful metaphor for me. Cracked pots (us) may seem damaged, but we are made perfect in that seeming weakness through the healing and transformative love of Jesus Christ.

    As I said at my T6 party (which this young lady attended with her mother), "even if physical healing doesn't come, spiritual healing has already taken place." Who can explain or even fathom that I, the one with the dread disease, facing multiple surgeries and several more treatments of all kinds, would outlive a young, vibrant, beautiful, pregnant, HEALTHY, woman with her WHOLE life ahead of her? I can't, and I won't even try. I have to rest in the assurance that God knows what He is doing, even when, ESPECIALLY when, I am, as the gospel writer says, crushed and perplexed.

    Ironically, one of my favorite Christian groups is called Jars of Clay, and when I came home tonight, I listened again to the CD Redemption Songs. One of the songs on it is "God Will Lift Up Your Head"

    Give to the wind your fear
    Hope and be undismayed
    God hears your sighs and counts your tears
    God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head

    God will lift up your head
    God will lift up your head
    God will lift up your head
    Lift up your head

    Leave to His sovereign sway
    To choose and to command
    Then shall we wandering on His way
    Know how wise and how strong
    How wise and how strong

    Through waves and clouds and storms,
    He gently clears the way
    Wait because in His time, so shall this night
    Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
    Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
    Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
    Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
    Soon end in joy, soon end in joy

    God will lift up your head
    Soon end in joy

    God will lift up your head
    Soon end in joy

    The song can be heard here ---> GodWillLiftUpYourHead

    February will be a short but busy month for me. Thank you for your continued prayers and support! They mean the world to me and are much appreciated!

    Lovingly, One of God's Cracked Pots, Alaina

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Hi all

    Titan - thanks for your posting - I think we can safely say that the kids won the snowball fight : )

    Alaina - You give such strength from your posts! When things are tough, you find a way to make things better for yourself and to believe that you will find a way to move forward - you are a truly amazing woman and when I read your posts, I am uplifted - thank you.

    Hope everyone is doing ok - hugs to all, Judy x

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Titan and Betsy, I hope that you are both doing ok. Titan, I hope that this "feeling low" time passes for you and Betsy, I hope that you are feeling better.

    Hugs, Judy x

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Oh Judy I'm fine today!  "just a little pyscho" yesterday...that's all...and I get mad when I get those days of being low because I hate feeling that way...

  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited February 2010

    Hiya all,

    I know, I haven't been around much -- too busy escaping reality (playing my sims)! LOL. Chelev, Titan, Betsy, how are you all feeling?

    Helen, don't feel bad, er, well, don't feel ALONE: I'm a fat slob now too -- between that and the short hair, I think I'm way more hideous now than when I was bald at the height of chemo! Hell, I've seen MEN who'd make a more attractive "woman" than I do, and I don't mean drag queens either. :-P

    Other than that though, guess I'm OK. Two more scans to go (CT and bone), then the next onc appointment. 

    Dawn, WOW, you look human! LOL! 

    Alaina, sorry to hear about the death of that girl you used to babysit. :-(

    Catchya next time....

    ~Lena. 

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Lena..I'm stuffing myself with stir fry while I type this..my appetite has.well soared.,.I have gained 15 lbs. since one year ago.  people say that is a good thing...that looking..well..fluffy is a good thing...I am enjoying my eating...I think once I get to a certain point I will diet..but for now..I thinking that being too skinny is associated with cancer...so I will keep eating...I was eating alot one year ago and not gaining a pound..now I'm eating and gaining weight..I think that is a good thing...my clothes still fit.because I'm exercising also...wtf..maybe it is a mind thing...

    Have you received the results of your scans?  I honestly don't think you are as hideous as you say...you are probably beautiful and don't want to show the rest of us up..come on Lena!  Give us a pic!

  • inthemoment
    inthemoment Member Posts: 538
    edited February 2010

    Just a quick hello to all...wishes for strength for those still coping with problems, and smiles for those having good days. I myself have five (yes, that's right, five) doctor's appointmeents this week - three down, two to go - figured I might as well get them all done at once so I could have a week with just my normal two (weekly Herceptin and weekly expansion).  Thankfully, all are routine follow-ups, so I am just bringing reading material and patiently doing my waiting room routine.

    Lena - you crack me up...drag queen indeed..

    Geri

    Getting a good laugh from American Idol showing the guy singing "Pants on the Ground"

  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited February 2010

    Lena - LOL, you made my day. I can totally relate to the new look!

    I'm feeling better today. Monday was just a very down day for me, I was very hormonal for some reason. Yesterday was a good day. I went all day without pain and actually worked out at the gym for the first time in two months. It felt so good. But the pain is back today. It's not really bad enough to call the bs. Swelling seems somewhat under control, redness has greatly improved, I'm still hoping and yes praying that I'm turning a corner. I do monitor it close so if I start flaring up I will call right away, I promise. I just never dreamed I'd me dealing with this.

    Alaina- I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. As I read your post, I couldn't help thinking that I feel more like an over fired pot...vs a cracked pot (LOL) but I appreciated your post none the less. Thanks.

  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited February 2010

    Hey all,

    Thought I'd pop back in here before I disappear into Wild Simdom for the rest of the day...

    Titan --- I don't care if people think I have cancer (hell, I DO have cancer!), what I care about is being so f***ing UGLY! I was hideous when I was bald, and even though my hair is growing back now, it's so short I'm STILL hideous and even worse, between the short hair and the weight, I look like a FAT BOY! Honestly if I owned a gun I'd shoot myself, the sight of me makes me f***ing SICK TO MY STOMACH! I haven't been "skinny" since I was a little kid, but I wasn't a FAT SLOB like this either. I don't mind not being skinny, but I HATE being FAT!. Believe me, I'm not an anorexic who only thinks I can be beautiful with my ribs sticking out and a concave belly, but this huge fat gut and :::::shudder::::DOUBLE CHIN I've got now, YUUUCCCCKKKKK I am F***ING GROSS! 

    There are no pictures for me to post. Even if I wasn't ashamed of my current appearance, the most recent picture which was even taken of me was in June 2008 at the DMV for my renewed driver's license. I do not own a camera of any kind, I never did, and I'm sure as hell not gonna buy one NOW. Believe me when I tell you, there is no way I'd be showing up ANYBODY under the age of 80 or 90 with what I look like now anyway. No, I don't look that OLD, but I DO look that UGLY.

    No, of course I don't have any scan results yet. I'm betting that as usual, I'm going to have to pry them out of the oncologist during our appointment on 2/18. That's sorta OK, I mean if the tests and scans I already had (PFS, EKG/MUGA and PET) showed anything immediately life threatening, he'd probably have called me. The CT and Bone scans are scheduled for a week from today (I'm having them on 2/11) so it's a little soon to have results on those yet anyway! LOL.

    Geri -- hiya! All those doc appts -- pain in the neck, huh? Yeah, I bring stuff to do too, that is books to read and/or my iBook to play sims on while waiting. 

    Betsy -- Ouch, I hope the pain goes away soon!

    Okay, it's time to Escape Reality again! Till next time....

    ~Lena. 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2010

    Hi, everyone.  I have my one-year followup with my bs today - a little nervous for some reason.   I guess it's because all of the emotions of last year are rearing up again.  I am glad he will be examining it, so he can look at the discharge and the tenderness still around the nipple area - although I think it is just healing and a little lymphadema in the breast, I will feel better to have him look at it.  That's the last big followup.  Then I start on every 3-6 months with my onc, unless something else stupid comes up.

    Coming up on the cancerversary on the 14th.  Been super busy - with boat shows (heading to Miami next week for the big boat show), doing photo shoots on boats, planting flowers at the house, helping my mom find a house near us, and dealing with this stupid 3 rash situation - I am having a reaction to the tamoxifen on the back of my head (one type of medicine to help it), a rash under my bc boob where the skin is rubbing (funny, it's smaller now and I am having all of these weird things with it - medicine #2) and my seasonal hives (medicine #3).  Needless to say, everything itches and I'm trying hard not to scratch. 

    As Gilda Radner, as Emily Littner, "It's always something."

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Hi all, just passing through! Lena - thanks for a good laugh! Looking forward to your next post...I reckon that you are gorgeous!!!

    Betsy, glad you have been feeling a bit better today. Chelev, so good to hear from you! those appts can be hard, yesterday was a year since my first Onc appt. I went to a movie with my husband, was lots of fun to be able to just get out and be normal : ) Hang in there...

    Geri - good luck with all the appointments.

    Hugs to all of you! Judy xxx

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Lena....remember...we don't care what you look like..we love you anyway..ok?  Since I turned freaking 50 plus chemo and rads my body has changed too...I have always been slim to normal..not so anymore...I've got the love handles on my hipbones..I've got the gut..I have 2 boobs that are different in size....It is hard to accept this aging/cancer thing..my body has changed from looking like a girls to a freaking middle aged woman..I don't like it..but it is what it is....I still wear my low cut jeans/pants...just let the gut hang over..wear clothes that cover up the gut...still like my high heels though....not ready for the orthopedic shoes yet..damn it....

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Titan LOL! I bet you are gorgeous too!!!

    Betsy, Chelev and Alaina - how are you all doing today?

    Geri - hope all the appointments went ok!

    Just passing through, everyone have a warm, safe and fun weekend!

    Hugs to all, Judy xxx

  • Alaina
    Alaina Member Posts: 461
    edited February 2010

    JudyNaomi ~ I'm doing well...life does go on, even in the midst of unspeakable tragedy.  And I'm just trying to live my life, one day at a time.  Baby Stokely came home on Wednesday and is keeping her papa up nights, but all are doing as well as can be expected. They are surrounded by a TON of love and support!

    We are getting pounded by snow! They expect us to get anywhere between 12-20 inches, some reports say upwards of 30 inches!  *eek!*

    I am hunkered down in my new apartment with enough food & fixin's to get me straight through Superbowl Sunday!  Sloppy Joes, Spaghetti, Buffalo Wings, Waffles, Sausage Egg & Cheese Croissanwiches, snacks, pizzas...I'm all set!  LOL!!!

    Missing is the one food I ate all during chemo, Stouffer's Macaroni & Cheese...don't go near the stuff now.  Sad, cuz I really liked it all last summer!  LOL!!!

    Thanks for asking about me...

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Food is a good thing,,football,.what football,,,any excuse to party and eat is a good thing! We are getting lots of snow here too.,hopefully it will be gone,,,soon!

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited February 2010

    Hi everyone. I haven't been here for a bit as I've been getting busier at work and am trying to do other things than focus on cancer. Alaina, interesting that I also ate loads of Stouffer's Mac & Cheese during chemo. I'm also at my 1 year dx although I had been going through tests for a few weeks before. I saw the onc last week and everyting is fine. But not so fine following my annual physical with my family doc. She says the chemo (probably the steroids) have kicked me into a diabetic state. I really don't have details yet but it sucks and I'm upset. Hair growth is painfully slow and I'm still keeping my head covered when I'm not at home as there is not enough to totally cover my scalp. My body has changed -- also have gotten really fat so I'm very uncomfortable with myself. I would love to feel normal again. Will it ever happen?

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    Good to hear from you Helen....try not to worry about the weight...I guess I associate really skinny with being sick so anyway...your onc said everything WAS FINE...that is wonderful...take that and run with it...you can work on the weight issue,,,that is something you and will control,..when you are ready.  I just can't seem to stop eating..I'm hungry now!

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Hi all

    Titan - a photo! Hooray!!! So good to SEE you : )

    Helen, hang in there, I find that I am battling with my weight all the time now, but try not to be too hard on yourself, you can control that when you are ready. This cold weather has me eating all the time, it just never seems enough, I am always hungry..

    I wonder if Dawn made it back from Disney in the bad weather - let us know Dawn : )

    Stay warm everyone, ((((((HUGS)))))) to you all, Judy xxx

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    I guess there is another storm on the way!  Maybe Dawn should just stay with Mickey a little bit longer...

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    I know I would! I have had enough of this snow! It was fun to begin with, but.....

    Stay warm all, Judy xxxxx

  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited February 2010

    Yup, another storm on the way. Uggh, I hate snow. Well, thanks to recent enough shopping, I'm stocked to the rafters with enough food to outlast it -- milk and bread too, so I guess I'll just be glad I don't have to go outside in it! Only thing I gotta do is take out the garbage tomorrow before the snow gets here tomorrow night, but that's not too bad. 

    Yeah everybody, STAY WARM! Stay indoors, stay SAFE! 

    ~Lena. 

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2010

    CCBABY..Christy..can't get off work to attend our party...I suggested that maybe we should go there...she lives in MIssouri...maybe she can do our hair..do you know that she just did Joan Rivers hair?  If she can do hers she can do ours....maybe we can swear the whole time to..doesn't Joan like to do that?? 

  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited February 2010

    Just checking in to see if everyone is doing ok. Still snowed in here.

    Hope everyone is staying warm. Dawn, did you make it home? Helen, how are you doing?

    Betsy - are you feeling ok? Alaina - how are you holding up?

    Hugs to all, Judy x

  • Lena
    Lena Member Posts: 1,036
    edited February 2010

    I'm snowed in too still mostly. I had to go to the hospital for scans today (CT and bone) and as usual when I have to do that I called a cab (my car was buried under 2 ft of snow and I'm not physically capable of that kind of digging-out, so even if I DID usually drive to the hospital, no way could I have done it today). Thing is with my balance issue, it's extremely difficult for me to walk on uneven ground, and with all the snow/slush/ice piles, well even though the sidewalks got shoveled, there's hardly any way to get from them to the street which doesn't mean getting knee deep in snow and semi melted slush. I fell a couple times -- didn't get hurt but now I'm really scared to go out again until all this freakin' crap MELTS AWAY GONE!  I HATE WINTER! I HATE SNOW!

    On the phone last night, my Pack Rat asked me what I'm doing on Saturday night -- hahahaha, yeah right, I never go outside after dark by myself (even when it ISN'T winter!) and he knows it, so I said "Same thing I do every other Saturday night, why, what's special about Saturday night?" and he says "Well Sunday is Valentine's Day, you know, so I thought I'd come down on Saturday night..." So I'm floored -- he is NOT the traditionally romantic type (no flowers, no sweet words etc., OK I'm not either all that much but I do have my unconventional romantic side, which he laughs at and puts up with because he finds it amusing)...and here he is saying he wants to come down here for VALENTINE'S DAY? And all I can say -- probably because all I've seen in the mirror since my pre-chemo haircuts last year has been one form or other of this disgusting gross sickening looking creature which IMO roadkill is sexier than -- is, "Wow, you mean you still like me THAT way?" And he says, "Will you be my Valentine?" My eyes bugged out. I almost fainted...but I said yes.

    So I got a Pack Rat coming over Saturday night, and he has Monday off work, which means I get to keep him till early Tuesday morning...wonder if I'll manage to go back into heat when he gets here..I hope. ;-)

    ~Lena. 

  • comingtoterms
    comingtoterms Member Posts: 421
    edited February 2010

    Oh, Lena.... You are so charming!  I have such a vision of you in my mind......  ..and it is because you are a delightful writer!!!  Your Pack Rat has found a true gem in you and I am glad he appreciates you!!!

    Only a couple of inches of snow here in Buffalo.... so weird.... feels like I am in the twilight zone when I hear about foot after foot after foot falling everywhere else for once.  I hope everyone is staying toasty warm and safe!!

    Tammy

Categories