Mom has cancer - suggestions on how I can help

Hello Jen; my best friend and sisters sent me comfortable pajamas that button in front and are sleeveless or short-sleeved, visitor-friendly robe and slippers with traction, a book on lymphedema, and some cute, loose, layerable outfits.

I did some shopping myself before the day of surgery and restocked underpants and stuff.  I also bought new sheets and splurged on the good ones.  My sister in law sent me a little fleece throw that became my go-to blanky, in my favorite color.  I got a short haircut and facial/pedicure  (gift card from the local spa). 

I hope this helps; it's a long process and a lot to get used to.  Your mom is lucky to have you with her for help and support.  I hope she has a speedy recovery. 

Warmest,

Cathy 

I'm with Elaine. While it is wonderful that you want to support your mother, quitting your job might be a bit excessive. What I wanted from my three adult children when I was diagnosed is that they carry on with the things they were doing - and do them as well as possible. It made me feel quite happy to see that they all are doing that. An e-mail, a card, a phone call all went a long way.

I am in my 60s, live on my own and managed the whole mastectomy, chemo, radiation thing quite well without live in help. I appreciated my daughter and then my sister staying with me the first few nights. Your mother has your father there which ought to help. You don't say how old everyone is, but from your photo, if that is you and your Mom, she should be fine. 

It all sounds way scarier than it really is. Like Elaine, I was mobile and able to look after meals etc, in a few days after the mastectomy. An otherwise healthy person can manage the whole thing quite well.

Your Mom is lucky to have you - but I'll bet she doesn't want you to put your life on hold for this. Ask her.

Hi Jen,

I echo the others advice.  I would also suggest you introduce you Mom to BC.org and teach her how to navigate this site (many she is computer savvy??maybe not). You mom may want to talk with others who have gone through what she is going through.  She may not want to ask family members questions for fear of embarrassment etc.  The great thing about BC.org, besides all the wonderful ladies, is that someone else has already been through what you are going through.  They have answers, offer support, or just be there when you need to scream....oh, we call that venting!

Your Mom is blessed to have you!  Take care of yourself too.

ii have ta agree with the others. i have been through it with others many times.... all i can say from what they have told me is listen to what they are saying. there will be times when you may not want to hear but just remember it is their life they are dealing with . there might be some tough choices but all in all you will feel better knowing that regardless of the choices they make, you were there. and yes tons of loose clothing is always a great gift. there are many many books out there with either info or just inspirational. most importantly though.... let them have normal days. as much as this is hard it's just as hard to have everyone treat ya as though the cancer is all that matters. i remember when my sis lost her breast...she was so embarressed. she was gonna wear a jacket in 30+(cel) weather. i told her no way...she said but everyone will stare. so i made a deal with her...said if they stare...we lift our tops and show em!! well that got her into a fit of giggles. needless ta say she didn't wear a jacket again. just remember...laughter goes along way...there will be enough days for tears.

My sister and I each sent our Mom a wig.  She really loves them.  Those wigs are really important to her.  It's really hard when you live so far away from a loved one with this nasty disease.  I live far away from my Mom and feel pretty helpless, but I'm going to try to visit her as much as I can.  Just having loving family support is so important.