What to say to my Mom when ...

Tell her that DCIS is cancer in an intact duct, like Cheetos in an unopened bag. 

Just because it's still in the package doesn't mean it's not there...and really really bad for you!

Hope that helps a little!  {{hugs}}

My mother is much like yours, mom3band1g. She doesn't really want to talk about it because she's scared that this is happening to one of her kids.  And, like JAT (Julie) wrote, my mom is older and continually needs to talk about her ailments, some of which are fairly serious but under control with meds, and are not surprising at her age (70's).  I sometimes feel like she's in denial about what I'm going thru and doesn't want to understand, and that makes it very hard for me.  I feel like my mother needs to be the center of attention, when it comes to medical ailments (among other things).  Sure, I love my mother, but she is a needy, utterly dependant woman who wants people to consider her needs first.  When I first told my parents about my dx, they didn't believe me...told me that there's no cancer in our family and that this is a mistake the doc's made.  Just days before my surgery is when they finally understood it, somewhat.  But that took a very tearful phone conversation between me and my brother about this issue, and then he tried to explain it to them.  They still have some trouble understanding what I go thru on a daily basis with pain, weakness, fatigue, SE's, etc.  They're also extremely religious and pray that God will heal me.  I guess that's how they deal with things...blind faith and blissful ignorance.  I sometimes wish I could be like that, but I'm not.  I'm a realist (and not very religious) and I know what I'm up against.  I know what you're going thru with your mother and wish that we didn't have to.  We need the support and understanding from our parents.  If it helps, you have my support and the support of all of the 'sisters' here.  Take care of yourself and try not to let your mother get you down, although I know it's hard because I struggle with it all the time.

Hugs....

MOD

My Mom had DCIS and we never discussed whether it was cancer or not.

She had a sister who passed from breast cancer many years ago. Her focus, and mine was to know that whatever it is it's got to come out. 

I think your mother is trying to make you feel better. She isn't saying you shouldn't have it removed is she? 

I'm going to give your colleague the benefit of a doubt and say she's saying that because she doesn't want you to be freaked out and think the worst. While it's happily become not a big deal for her after 10 years it most likely was a big deal when she had to do something about it after it was detected. 

I haven't run into anyone at work with DCIS since my dx 5 years ago, but if I do I will certainly not tell them or anyone else that I don't think it's cancer. I might tell them it's a pain in the butt and a failure of medical research to provide treatments that are tailored and effective!  

It's my personal opinion that DCIS is overtreated, but I think it's because they know so little about when it's dangerous and when it's not. I certainly never considered not doing anything about mine.

Are you having a mastectomy? I did not talk a great deal about my DCIS to co-workers because I knew from the beginning that was the surgery I was having and I did not want to deal with people's reactions to that. For me the 'cure' for DCIS was worse than the disease.

Mom3band1g-

I think it's a defense mechanism too. I have found myself saying things that are similar to those around me about myself, mainly to make them feel better! I guess I figure if I downplay it, I won't get the "OMG, it's so grave and serious" looks from others. I think I get a bit embarassed that I might start crying or something if they start asking about outcomes, et al.

BTW, I asked my surgeon about the controversy about DCIS being mislabeled as cancer/noncancer, and she very specifically said that it is cancer cells, therefore it is cancer. Those cells are luckily contained in one small area, but they are cancerous cells, with replication possibilities. So, there's no getting around the fact that it's cancer. I liked the cheeto analogy.

Hoping she will stop-- surely she will if you mention it to her. I am sorry you and your family are having to go through this. It truly and really sucks!