The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

Terry!  So funny about the prostate prosthesis!!!!

Re, the analogy between by at prostrate cancer . . . that analogy may not be so bad after all.  Some of the treatments for prostrate cancer can lead to impotence . . . so while, forms may not be involved, I do think prostrate cancer does effect a man's sexuality and self-image - certainly emotional stuff, like breast cancer.

Hi all - wanted to share the one that gets to me the worst and mostly because it has come from a healthcare professional every single time. It started with the lady that did my diagnostic mammo; she only knew I had a lump at the time but assured me it was probably nothing because I'm so young (42). Since then, several times when having one test or procedure or another the typical conversation goes like this... nurse - so why are we putting in a port today? me - for chemo treatment... nurse - why are you needing chemo?... me - I have breast cancer... nurse - oh my, but you're so young...

 It' always goes something like that and I always know it's coming now and even so I always break down in tears. Yes, I know I'm on the younger end of the scale for this and it sucks and I really don't need that additional littel reminder as I'm about to go into surgery, or have a PET scan or what-ever.

 Thanks for this thread, I feel better having gotten that off my chest.

I get that all the time.  Don't have breasts, so no mammos for me.  Can't say I miss them...the mammos, not the breasts!

Being diagnosed with a 2nd new cancer was a bit difficult for me, as I explained to a social worker that visited me in the hospital, I told her crying that I didn't want to go to any support groups because I didn't want to frighten anyone recently diagnosed.  I then apologized for crying (duh:) and falling apart.  She told me most people don't fall apart till they get home.  I couldn't even speak to her after that!

My very kind visiting nurse was trying to encourage me to see a professional to talk to and help me get thru the mental phase of this rather than hold it all in.  I spoke to a friend that I have supported thru problems in her life and told her of this suggestion.  She said what for, you had the surgery and are all done!

Thank you all for this wonderful site!!

friscosmom--the "you're so young" line over and over must be miserable.  I had a mastectomy because of radiaiton damage--abscesses, open holes that wouldn't heal, pain--and the comment I keep getting is "that almost never happens."  Gee, thanks, that really makes things better!  I've developed a stock answer to the "almost never happens" line:  "Really?  That makes everything so much better."  I've gotten some very odd looks and more than a few apologies.  Maybe you can start each encounter by saying "I know this is going to shock you but I already know I'm young to have breast cancer."  

enjoyful--I have had the same thing done with my chart telling the staff that I cannot have blood pressures, IV's or blood work done on my left arm.  I got so sick of nobody noticing.  Now, if someone goes for my left arm I tell them to stop, leave the room and send in someone who can read.  I've "offended" quite a few staffers.  One of my favorite things to say when someone tries to take me to task for this is "Oh, it's more important not to offend so-an-so than it is to protect myself from a condition that would give me lifelong pain?"  I've got a reputation now for being "very picky" about my care, but I've noticed that people actually read my record before coming near me.  

katey--who cares WHEN we break down?  Isn't the point to support and help us when we do cry?  Good grief, who does that social worker think she works for?  

These kinds of unthinking comments from the very people we are depending on to help us are so devastating.  Why do we feel so reluctant to let them know when we are hurt or upset by what they say?   We're paying them for their services, we have a right to get sensitive and respectful care! 

Friscosmom, I get the "you're too young" comments all the time too!  And  "when was your last period" and "is there a chance you could be pregnant"...  and the mammogram questions... I've had a total hyst, and BMX... I'm 34... I can only imagine how long I'm going to have to listen to that!  I hope it stops bothering me so much later... but really, it's all in the chart, if they read it, we won't have to feel so crappy everytime we go to the Dr.!  Much love to you!  Jessica

The policy of the hospital where much of my care occurs is to check before each procedure whether you are the right patient. They do this by asking for your birthdate! A visit for a mammography for example might entail three requests for your birthdate. this is not something I am touchy about, I just find it annoying,  but I often think of a friend who lies about her age, how being subjected to this question again and again would be like rubbing it in just how old she really is. I am now thinking that for young bc patients, the birthdate question might be triggering the hated  "but you are so young" comment in response. I am going to mention how negatively such comments are sometimes received to the radiology staff at my visit next week.

Julie E

I hate that nobody reads the chart any more!  I'm tired of saying the same darn thing over and over again.  I've had a lot of surgeries, had a hysterectomy when I was 32, ovaries out when I was 36 and 2 other surgeries after that for a "gartner duct cyst", plus some other surgeries over the years.  I've had nurses wanting to do pregnancy tests before surgery and thank God I have had the sense to ask wht do you want urine for.  I have had a finger prick for blood in oncs office on my R side(mast. side) and as I was talking to another patient there, the nurse goes, oh honey, you can't have anything done on your right side, you need to let us know.  Um, you need to read the chart!  I'm sorry to go on and on but it just goes on an on!  I want to wear a sign that says READ THE FRICKIN CHART!  No wonder there are so many mistakes.

enjoyful--be my guest.  You and anyone who wants can use any of my tactics, alter them to fit your personality or even quote and blame me for the "rudeness." 

Medical staff are  expected and required to know the information in the chart.  If they don't, they do not have enough information to properly treat me,  I don't care how busy they are, and I have sometimes said so.  "You're too busy to do your job properly?  And you expect me to trust you to do (fill in the blank) correctly and safely? I have a problem with this."   Sometimes I think we need to make them slow down.  I know it's part of the safety checks to ask for birthdates, but it does get annoying.  It's funny, for simple blood test, to see the oncologist, I have to give my name, birthdate, etc.  When I was getting radiation treatments no one ever called me in by name, or asked my name, or spoke to me by name.  You'd think radiaiton centers would be really careful about positiviely identifying people!  

groundhog--I feel the same way you do about all that info being said out loud when checking in for an appoinment.  Most of the places I go now have signs "Please wait here for the next available clerk" that make some space between people waiting and people checking in.  I'm not sure how much it really helps, but I don't hear other people's addresses, etc, so it probably does.    As to the young girl with her comment, chances are good she'll end up with one of those "horrible and life-threatening" conditions.  I wonder if she'll remember her comment then?  I'm betting not.  But it would, indeed, have felt good to put her straight, I agree. 

 When I went in to get my shot yesterday I got one of the usual hurtful comments:  "You're a nurse?  That must make things a lit easier."  I try to hide the fact that I'm a nurse becuase when people find out they stop giving me info--the "you're a nurse so I figured you already know all this."  and the informatiom flow stops.  I just cannot be my own nurse, and nobody seems to believe that a nurse can be afraid of a needle or need information or support during cancer treatment.  Of all the people who should know better. . . .

I have adopted a new answer, for the new year:  " I have NO bad news to report.  How are you doing? "   This had stopped several in their usual path of doom and gloom talk.   Give it a try.   

lefty......... I like that one too.....and yes I will give it a try as you suggested. I am sure it causes "back-pedaling" with some people.......and that has to be amusing ( if you know what I mean)

Pat 

My sister in law, who is fighting lung cancer posted in her public journal she wishes she only had BC while I  understand as she is face a very grave situation it was still a very cruel thing to say, I have since refused to read her daily journal of rantings and let my husband deal with her. At times I feel guilty about that but can't handle her cruelty right now.