How do you keep positive?

Readyforliving,

cancer is a rollercoaster and with it our emotions.  During my journey, I always tried to look at the situation from a different perspective which helped.  I also always tried to find the positive even when the only positive thing I could say was "it could have been worse." 

I had a biopsy turned lumpectomy and awoke to my surgeon (Dec 21, 2005) telling me it was cancer and it was bad (I was 39).  My mastectomy was Jan 11, 2006.  My husband and I looked at it as ... my life is not worth a limb.  Yes, it will affect the way you look without your clothes on, but you don't have to let it consume the way you feel.  I looked at it as if I did, it would be letting the cancer win and I'm a fighter.  It sounds like you are too.  You will get through this.

There are different types of reconstruction if you want that.  Some people do it at the same time.  I was stage IV so I waited knowing that I needed the chemo and radiation ASAP.  I had so much radiation, that I waited a year after radiation completion before I even started looking for the right reconstructive surgeon.  There are many types out there ... investigate them all, BEFORE going to consults.  Some surgeons only tell you of the procedures they offer and do NOT tell you about other options.

If you are going to consider reconstruction, let your radiation oncologist know.  I guess there is a difference between electrons and X-rays and using more X-rays than electrons causes less damage which is better if you're going to have reconstruction (I'm not an expert on this).  

I'm rather large (D ... and thus VERY lopsided when I only had one breast) and with so much radiation damage to my chest wall I could not do an implant.  I had a stacked DIEP (took six inches of stomach skin, NO muscle, and all my stomach fat).  So the positive thing about my reconstruction ... in effect I got the insurance company to pay for a tummy tuck.   

Also on the mastectomy ... are you using someone who specializes in breast surgery or an average "cut it out" kind of surgeon?  Some are better than others.  I was lucky, my guy didn't specialize in breast surgery, but he at least had forethought and some exerience in making it easier for the next guy.  Sometimes they are able to save the nipple, sometimes they can leave some of the fat and skin (none in my case).  Mine left a nerve that the reconstruction surgeon found and reattached.  My reconstruction dr said that his patients will call him a year or two later and tell him that, "one day my boob just woke up and had feeling again."  Nerves can grow back (but never through an implant).  My oncologists and physical therapists actually complimented me my scar which took me by surprise since I never considered it prior to surgery.  So ... do some research and ask around about your surgeon.

As hard as it is ... you will get through this,

good luck and lot's of hugs,

Tami

First, as others have said, expect the emotional rollercoaster. Every time something new has happened, I've had a good cry but I don't allow it to send me spiraling downward. I'm a planner and I like to look at everything from all sides. I do lots of research so that I'm ready with questions and to know that I've made the best possible decisions.

On a more personal note, when I was diagnosed, I told everyone that I no longer had time for crabby people. If someone chooses to be petty or selfish, then I tell them it's not helpful to me and they are welcome to spend time around me when they are in a more positive frame of mind. That has helped immensely! I feel more in control and stronger -- choosing to be around positive people who help me to stay positive.

Lastly, I try to get as much exercise as possible -- at least 30 minutes a day for "me". I find that exercising and eating right makes me feel better about myself.

Accept that you will have days when everything feels like it's caving in on you. But those days don't have to dominate your life. Don't forget to laugh and find little things that make you smile every day. We laughed in the chemo room .. I was cracking jokes with the nurses and my doctor before my mastectomy. I spend time doing things that I'm passionate about, and I choose to spend time around the people who bring  me the most pleasure.  

Despite the diagnosis, or maybe because of it, now is the time to create the life you deserve to live.

Kerry is right,

Going through treatment and a few weeks after treatment.....I had waaaaaay more bad days than good.

What helped was basically getting back to my normal activities. At the time it was taking my 3 yr old to the park, grocery shopping, house duties, getting out with friends for lunch. Getting back to a normal helped me feel positive.

As the time moves on, those bad days are less.

 I have now anxiety days, going for a mammogram, onc check ups. But those come few, and when they are over I dont even think about them. I look forward, not back. I have done all treatment to date. I have been aggressive. Chemo,mastectomy,rads,Herceptin,Lupron,Zometa, Tamox and will be switching to an AI. I have to feel confident that I will be ok. The odds are in my favor....yours too.

My sister in-law came with me for my surgery (Mastectomy) and she said it all "It's just a F***ing boob".  Some girls are not even given a fighting chance from the get go.  Practice gratitude.  You even have options to have new boobs!!  How good is that?  I know, it all sucks, but I'm glad I have had treatment and options.  I get a chance to live.  I get life.  For how long?  Who knows, but I have a chance!!

When I was diagnosed with DCIS in May 2007 I was devastated but I decided that BC wasn't going to beat me. It took a part of me away but I was still alive and able to fight it.  I had a lumpectomy done and 7 sentinal lymph nodes removed.  No BC in the nodes but two weeks later had to go back for reincision as the margins were too close.  This was followed by 33 radiation treatments and Tamoxifen.  I thought my treatments were over. 

In January 2009 my radiated breast began to get tight then over the next 6 months became hard, painful and misshapen.  I already had implants and the radiation caused capsular contracture. My radiation oncologist suggested I see a PS.  I actually saw 3, each one giving me a different option.  I finally decided on a bilateral skin and nipple saving masectomy with a DIEP.  I had enough tummy fat for two breasts and decided I just wanted both implants out and reduce my risk of BC. I looked for the positive - smaller breasts, free tummy tuck!!!  I ended up having a DIEP in one and an SIEA in the other.  I am now 4 weeks out and happy with my decision.

I know I have another surgery to go through, but thankfully nowhere as long as this one.  As others have said you will have good days and bad days but with family and friends to support you, you will make it through.  I need to be around for a lot longer for my children and grandchildren, and I will not let BC win.  I feel blessed because mine was caught early and there are women a lot worse off than I am.  Your breasts do not make you the person you are, it is who you are inside.  Good luck and I hope everything goes well for you.

It's so hard to add to what everyone else has said already. And, to be honest, I'm just beginning this go 'round, though I did have a cancer battle about 25 years ago, it feels "different" now that it's affected my breast. I don't know why, but it does. I suppose the uterine/ovarian cancer was basically "hidden" from everyone else's view. Only I would know a part of me was "missing."

I know you can rationalize that about the breast too, but given that it's much more visible in general, it just seems more public.

I hope I can remain positive. I'm sure there will be times when I'll be quite a downer bi*ch, though. 

But one thing I keep trying to remember is that more women die from heart disease than from breast cancer. At least that's what I heard. I really can't back that up with stats, but that's what I tell myself, anyway! And from all reports, my heart's doing pretty darn good!

Yeah, what they said, and I am going to try to start planning as if I'm living until I'm 80.