fingers crossed for faith

faith, you have so much going for you and you seem so at peace with your decision.  You are an amazing person, showing strength, courage and love.

Hugs,

Juannelle

Hi Fearless Faith -- thinking of you first thing this morning.  I do like rhymes (the ducks -- of course, the rhyme refers only to intimacy between two consenting adult ducks -- I don't want PETA after me!) and alliteration -- play with words, such fun!

Your work must be such a wonderful distraction from the whirlwind these last few days.  I hope you do get more right things than wrong things said over your decisions and treatment.  Family and friends can be both so supportive, yet so stupid at times too.  Anyhooo, have a great day dear friend!

Elizabeth

xox

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thanks, team.

I just wrote this on the beach thread, but wanted it here, to remind me, too.

Back to surfing my couch. Wrapped in my cozy robe. Soaking up the energy & prayers of the community.

I had a group of about 3 dozen toddlers this morning. Maybe more. We were singing all the familiar kiddie songs. I was strummin' away and we were all singing the infamous Barney song: "I love you, you love me........" This little teeny tot, bellows out, "Debbie I LOVE you!!!"

I literally started crying midverse.

So the teachers started singing 'for' me.

Which of course made me cry more.

This was at minute number 3 of a 20 minute session. I started squeezing my toes and pinching my inards to regain some composure.

Anyhow, plop plop plop plop plop came the tears. Three dozen children looked at me..... and then sent me their collective nonverbal love.

I wish I could explain it.

They are not even three years old. Some cocked their heads, others crinkled their forheads, but they all just sent me their love galore.

After the teachers got done singing the song, I told the kiddos to close their eyes for their surprise...... which gave me 10 or 15 seconds to regroup...... and on with the show.

I put on my FB page, this next portion.

We were all done singing, and they were filing out the door. This wee-might-of-a-boy, who barely comes up beyond my knees, is walking past me as I hold the door open. He pats my knee and says, "What are those?" (He is asking about my black and pink striped tights.) I tell him, "Those are my stripes." He wrinkles up his entire face and says "Do they hold you up?"

Thank heavens it was my last class in that building and I had to walk outdoors in the frigid air to my car and drive a few miles to their other branch. Again, with the regrouping.

I've been thinking about that collective 'toddler' response all afternoon. I can't yet express it yet, but they weren't the least bit dismayed that I would start crying mid-song. Then I got to thinking about toddlers & how they cry on a dime -- with every injustice and missing blankie. It's done me a lot of good today, to think that I can keep singing, literally in the midst of my tears, and that I won't upset the children.

Now the teachers........ I don't suppose there was a dry eye in the room.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

It is amazing the love therapy a little child can give.

{{{{{ faith }}}}}} -- these are very gentle hugs, kind of like not squeezing like  a big bear hug.   

(((((Faith))))) u are in my  good thoughts today!

I had a tizzie-fit day yesterday.

I was completely under-whelmed by the "compassion" displayed by my pre-op team.

Having me wait over and hour & a half to go back to get underway was the first impression.

The whole time that I sat there the snow outside piled up.

When I eventually completed my little tests, it took me two hours to drive home.

When I complained (insert word: sobbed) they gave me a $3.00 gift certificate to their cafeteria.

Not a particularly well balanced day.

I have had my doc call in a script for Atavan (sp??) and I hope that takes the edge off.

I am calm and collected about my decision, but then something happens on my laptop, or someone cuts me off in traffic and I'm a simpering sobber...... all out of proportion to the incident.

My plan continues to be to fly to Baton Rouge on Mon, present 3 different workshops Tues, fly home Wed. Surgery Fri.

I had a melt-down on FB yesterday, about the whole what color bra are you wearing nonsense. I put up a post on my wall that on the day where I spent most of my energy discussing removing my breasts, I found it offensive to be giggling about bra colors as tho that was going to help breast cancer awareness.

Within 12 minutes both my husband's grand-niece & grand-nephew saw my mini-rant and obviously 'freaked' out, by posting how much they loved me etc etc.

In deference to my 'young' FB followers/little relatives I removed my post.

It was seriously, THE weirdest timing to come home and find all of these invitations, from well meaning friends to enter this secret game, and not tell the men. To me it seemed like a prank of junior high boys, or the devil, or both.

Saint had a particularly upsetting day and we co-misserated & prayed & laughed & pushed each other forward.

Now I'm driving out thru the snow to get the prescription for sanity. LOL

Please don't tell me what color bra you're wearing. I might throw a snowball at you.

Driving through a blizzard for good drugs..........well worth the trip!!!  Safe journey Faith.

Gentle hugs.

And that does explain why some of my facebook friends had simply the word "none" posted on their walls recently. 

Just literally want you to know that I couldn't do this without ya gals.

This weekend is repack & organize for Baton Rouge adventure.

Have taken second pill for calm this am, so we'll see how that plays out from the beginning of the day. So glad to add some back-up help to the prayers.

The praying is good, but the immediate pharama intervention makes me appreciate the prayers on a whole new level.

Here's to a calmer week on the horizon.

xx00xx00xx00xx

Oh you silly geese...... i certainly didn't mean for you to depart Facebook over my rant.

I find it strangely comforting to 'see' our BCO sisters in that setting, amidst family photos, and all the other non-BC stuff.

I hope that you'll both eventually reconsider and return.

I was so thrilled when Arnie made it over to FB, and Sharon you were just getting it figured out.

Now if I could just understand Twitter. LOLOL>