fingers crossed for faith

cookiegal

((( Faith)))

she's had quite a year, but never stops giving us so much support!

here is our chance to give back.

konakat

Strength and courage Faith!

Marple

XOXOXOXO

arnie2two

(((((((((((((((((((((Faith)))))))))))))))))))))

barbe1958

Faith? Can you hear me NOW????

How you doin', sweet cheeks? We are all in your back pocket, you know. It mus be dragging  your pants off your bum by now. You may not find out today, but please let us know you are okay.

faithandfifty

You bunch of amazing women.

We had snow thru the night and I had a school visit to make. I thought I'd gotten up early enough to both say good morning and get thru the snow..... in the end I couldn't seem to get the squirrels running fast enough to get this connected.

It's a good thing I gave up, because it took me more than an hour to drive the 25 minute drive.

Anyhow.

I'm back home. There's no news yet.

My phone seems to have rung about two dozen times, and each time I come outta my panties.

I am reminding myself to exhale.

I am remembering all of the support and love around this place.

I will report just as soon, well sorta just as soon as I know anything.

If I haven't heard anything tonight-- I will also report that non-news.

He said it would be VERY late today, evening if the report were to come in today. This is actually the first day -- all that holiday/weekend time doesn't count.

So quite possibly it will be tomorrow.

Exhale.

Calm.

Acceptance.

Gratitude.

xx00xx00xx00x

****oh, and strengh and courage. LOL

candie1971

Faith, I am here waiting with you too.  ((((((hugs)))))))

Marple

Anonymous

Sending you love and prayers--hope & courage--hugs & hugs!!

smithlme

Inhale....exhale...inhale....exhale....peace and calm...

KAK

Sweetie....

TenderIsOurMight

Just read this thread, and of course want to let you know of my prayers and support, Faith. Fingers and all that crossed for benign, and a quick response from your team.

Tender

faithandfifty

Well girls, you can 'uncross' your fingers......... 

I've been on the phone since I posted several hours ago.

My surgeon called. The path is in. It is indeed DCIS. He calls that cancer. 3 cm.

I just deplore the having-to-tell-everyone portion of this journey.

I have spoken to everyone in my biological family.

To their credit, my DH, each of my daughters & my parents have said the right things & avoided saying the 'wrong' things. LOL.

I've trained them well.

I am scheduled for a bilat mastectomy (I guess it's time to learn how to spell that word) with no recon. Friday Jan15th..... yes. In a little over 10 days. First surgery of the day, as of this moment 7:30 a.m. That is my daddy's birthday and I take that as a good omen.

In speaking with him/them tonight, he said that he'd be happy to share the goodness of that day with me and my med team and Martin Luther King, Jr. (well actually I'm adding that part.... but it is a good day in all of my experience.)

So please don't say: "I'm soooo sorry." Enough non-BC people will be saying that for the next several months, I really don't want any of you to say it.

Yes. We're all sorry, we're sorry to be in this boat.

Thank goodness there is a boat for us, though. A boat together.

This time around I do have enough sense to grasp that stage 0 is stage 0.

My surgeon wants to impress upon me that I am opting for an emotional removal of healthy boob-ness  & that it is not medically indicated.

I get that.

I've made the decision to proactively remove every zip and squat of everything, breastage. End of discussion. I'm a fairly emotional person. I have grandchildren...... I want to do EVERYthing in my power to be here for them.

Enough about me, how was your day??

I will go next and post something on FB.

Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming: calm & acceptance.

xx00xx00xx00xx

konakat

F*ck a duck.  You definitely have all the good omen-y things working for you.  I'll be putting my good vibes in overdrive for you.  I'm quite sure you're going to be around for a loooong time -- you'll be a wild old lady in flowery pants, polka-dot top, and a feather in your cap surrounded by great-grandchildren.  So says I. 

Elizabeth

xoxoxooo

TenderIsOurMight

I visualize a great boat, Faith, an ark-like boat, which somehow fits all who wish to be let in.

Just like you to provoke a safe image in this sea of change which surrounds you and others. Of course support for your decision, I made the same (but with invasive on one) and so have many others. It befuddles our doctors, but the minority have been through what we have.

Peace and acceptance.

lovemyfamilysomuch

Love and prayers, Faithie!! xo

Anonymous

Hey, I'll not uncross my fingers. Will keep them crossed for you to go through the surgery and treatment just as strong as you are.

 Yan.

cookiegal

I'm glad it was not invasive.

You sound calm.

The great thing about this community is that we can support a variety of choices.

Everyone is here to support you.

kim40

(((HUGS))) to you Faith.  Just seen your post on FB so I had to run right over here!  We are with  you all the way.  xo

Marple

Big ole bear hug ((((((Faith))))))

Anonymous

Well, crap, Faith!!!  This is the big fear I think we all have.  I will NOT say I'm so sorry - because as you say, everyone will be telling you that.  I will say that I have an amazing respect for the peace and love you give to everyone else on these boards, and that we will return that ten-fold to you!!  Hugs, peace and love to you!!

navygirl

Kona...only you could come up with F*ck a Duck - And Barbe...only you could draw the picture of all of us in her back pocket - dragging them pants down to expose her bum! LOL @ both of you!

Faith - you know there are many here who love you and will ride in that boat with you. Me thinks there are too many men attached to our boobs - more so than we are. I am glad you are doing what you feel you need to do. I did too, and have never regretted it. Adios Amigo's is what I say.

(((((HUGS))))) sweetheart...what ever you need ~ we are here to help! 

kdeit

((((((( Faith )))))))

Praying for you to continue to have strength and courage throughout your surgery and recovery.  I am so glad that it was discovered early, but so angry that you have to go through this!!

Sending many hugs and prayers,

carolinachick

I'll be thinking of you, Faith, as you continue your journey.  The plan is for us all to be around a long, long time in our big old boat.

faithandfifty

I just read my post from last night and need to clarify, based on some PMs etc.

My surgeon is the best.

From the beginning of Waltz-the-second, he has been behind me 100% of the way.

The DCIS is in the same breast as previous. He feels there is no decision but to remove it and perform SNB on that (the right) breast.

What he wanted me to grasp is that the medicine/science/labs/path report do not indicate that I need to remove my theoretically healthy left breast. 

At my first dx I was gung-ho, for take 'em both and be done with it. I met with two surgeons who both agreed such a response was: going after a mosquito with a bazooka, throwing the baby out with the bathwater, if it was their wife/daughter/lumpec/rads/best choice yada yada analogy.

I learned a saying from a very dear Stage IV woman across town who said, her daddy always used to say, "You can't saw sawdust."

Anyhow, I followed their collective professional opinion on the first trip into DCIS land. Lumpec, followed by the full course of 33 rads and two years with of Tamoxofin to date.

Another clarification. Exactly one year ago my follow-up digital, enlarged view mamo showed a new area of suspicion. Returned 6 mo later, last of June and could see the calcs, but no appreciable change. Return last Wed and I could see the linear kitestring effect from across the room -- without glasses.

So I've been thinking about this for 2 years, 9 months...... but thinking SERIOUSLY bilat since June. I vowed to myself in June that if they ever found one new/additional cell of cancer that would be that. No dithering about. No waffling. No fences. No polls. Be done with them, they've served their purpose. Off with their heads -- the two of them.

So I don't want anyone to think this is an idea that just bopped into my head in the last 24 hours.

I've also known since the beginning that recon was not me. Literally, figuratively, symbolically.

My BC surgeon is supportive of this choice as well. He has informed me that I will be in the minority of such decision makers.

When they called today to confirm the surgery, his office administrator, who just happens to be his wife (they are indeed the most wonderful of all wonderful couples) said that I could change my mind about the profie (how do you spell that??) up till that morning. So, I don't think that they realize that I seriously & completely have decided.

What brilliantly kind people you are, to be thinking good thoughts on my behalf. I am so indebted for your support. My DH used to implore me to walk away from BCO. I always thought that my staying here was to "pay forward." All I can say, is that I'm glad to have the family of BCO behind my efforts to do my proactive best to beat this beast.

xx00xx00xx00xx

faithandfifty

Posting here is cheaper than therapy.

And no you are not required to read along, but it's helps me process the story.

As to the recon. I certainly don't in any manner mean to imply 'anything' about the individuals who choose that route.

I just know that for me..... I am unwilling to sacrifice another afternoon in an appointment, one additional lost day with my work, one unforseen infection that requires me to cancel on an invitation, one exception to the rule that would keep me from keepin' on.

And it does mean the world to me that we can support one another in our different choices.

Now over to FB.

Speaking of FB..... my world has veered off it's axis in 'communication-land.' I see that I have 416 emails in my inbox, not really because I have 416 caring communications, but when DH swapped out computers this weekend, he forgot to install the various firewalls and folder thingies that allow me not to have to deal with the avalanche of stuff. I think there were 57 FB greetings when I turned this on this afternoon.

I'm only saying this because I KNOW that I am losing touch with who I've responded to and where. I don't mean to be secretive or overly dingy, I've just on over-drive. Please know that if I don't respond back to you, it's just cuz I can't think straight or am overwhelmed by the love.

I fly to Baton Rouge on Mon of next week, fly back as far as Atlanta, DH will pick me up there on Wed & drive back here/OH and surgery on Fri. Just a few irons in the fire.

smithlme

Faith,

I wish I would have trusted my gut instinct my first time around. My surgeon told me it was "over-kill" to do a bilateral mastectomy and it wasn't necessary. Well...7 1/2 months after ending chemo and 369 days after my first diagnosis...TA DA...BC again.

I knew since I was a child that if I ever got BC, (Grandma died of it before I was born) I would have a mastectomy. When my surgeon told me it was cancer, my first question was when could we schedule surgery. He was floored and my sister told him I knew what I wanted...don't argue.

I attempted a TRAM, which failed miserably. The thought of more surgery and the endless list of problems that might arise kept me away from that path. I am happy with my decision to remain flat. Not everyone agrees with this choice, but for me it works.

Glad to see you're going to be busy for the next week...

konakat

You are treating the BC exactly how you should -- you are making your choices with a lot of thought, knowledge that none of us had when first dx'ed, and with what sounds like a tremendous amount of relief once you have your mx.  It is a perfectly Faith-customized plan -- you're in charge!  That is the ideal situation.  Yay Faith -- you are going to do great. 

Oh yeah, try to get a nap scheduled in there somewhere.  OK?   Hugs,

Elizabeth

xoxoxoxooo

candie1971

Faith,

I cry as I read your post, most especially about walking away from BCO. I cannot either!! I am home here. We love you Faith. We are all here for each other and there is no place I would ever want to be. Lots of sisters gonna be with you on the day of your surgery..we will have to squish in the operating room!! You are such a kind, beautiful person. God bless you!

hugs and prayers,

Candie

konakat

Me too Candie, about this being like home.  BC brought us together and much, much more than that keeps us together. Waaaaaah, group hug.  Gawd, I hate sentimentality, but sometimes...

faithandfifty

GROUP hug.

I've been meaning to PM you Konakat, both for your thought about DUCKs and more significantly for sharing your tribulations over telling your mom.

Of course you know that I didn't tell my parents or daughters of the first dx until during rads (for my girls), and until after rads for my parents.

Anyhow, because of your honest and heart-felt story on telling your mom -- I felt compelled, no, strong enough, to launch right into telling my parents.

You provided me with such a service in your sharing..... to that I will always be grateful..... not sure that my parents are grateful for the knowing: JUST KIDDING, but they were much more at ease thinking that I'd "won."

xx00xx00xx00xx

You are all more wonderful that words.