Stage III and Terrified

like you I new to the post - and will be undergoing chemo in about 3 weeks for the next 18 weeks - from what I have read it is scary - with side effects, infection etc., - I am still in denial and have no idea when it is going to hit me-  the only thing that keeps me going is going to the gym - I want to stay healty and and I want to beat it.  I need to be here for support and friends to guide and help me - together we can all support and beat it - Think of how you are feeling today - if you feel good and vibrant - that means you are alive and well and will be so for a long time -  

I finally got to a place where I realized I "had" cancer, and now don't, and that I was living now, and wanted to live well.  You develop skills in handling fear, from women here, from time passing, and counseling can help.

I wallowed in sheer terror for a few months, climbed out of the abyss and moved back into the light.  It takes a while to achieve perspective.

 About 5 years since I discovered my cancer, and 4 years since it's been gone!

(My tumor even scared my docs, but it is gone, gone, all gone now).

Will I have to do this again?  probably not, but more important to me--I am living now, having done everything I needed to/could do, and I am letting go of the worries and fear.

 take care,

--Hattie 

Dear Feroza,

I am in the middle of chemo...and an aggressive schedule (once every two weeks for six of each).  I am probably at the worst part right now as have my last AC on Monday prior to moving on to Taxol.

This is not fun, but I view myself as a very healthy woman who has to get her butt kicked once every 2 weeks for 5 months.  It was very helpful for me to know that it would only be a few days out of each cycle when I would really be hit by it.  From what I know now, I would describe this as "seriously dragging" but no worse than that.

I got myself as physically strong as I could prior to chemo.  I had resumed cycling and then weights/crunches just prior to.  I have exercised every single day during chemo, and I think this is paying off big time.  I don't have my normal stamina or endurance, but I am still able to cycle more than 20 miles on the flats.  I have chemo on Mondays so I am recovered enough to cycle the following week end.  Saturday is tough, but I have a friend who drags me out.  Then I am fine.

Last round, I even got out a major report on chemo week.  Not fun, but I did it.  And I was also suffering dental woes from the aftermath of an implant crown that unscrewed. 

I do have to say that I am happy to be at the half way point.

I am hoping that exercise preserves bone density.  I can say that I have not gained weight or lost muscle mass.  I am actually looking quite buff and rocking a glam look with my sassy wigs.  My brain is razor sharp, and my libido is just fine too.  Because of the exercise, I get the deep sleep I need for my body to recover.  I do need a lot more sleep than normal, but I expected that.  And it's not like I can't wait to jump out of bed on these cold, dark mornings either

I wasn't scared going into chemo as have done tons of things in life that weren't exactly fun.  Just another case of needing to suck it up and do what is needed.  I am taking Neulasta so don't particularly need to worry about infection or be that careful about what I eat....major bonus.  Hair loss isn't fun either, but I view this as far less important than preserving my overall health.

So good luck!  Chemo is not fun, but neither are some other things in life.  And it has an end point a lot sooner than something like paying off credit card debt.  I am already plannig a Global Virtual Wine Party for late April to celebrate the end of mine. - Claire

Sis is stage III (b I think). She had 5 months preop chemo, mastectomy and tissue expander, fills then rads si at 21 of 28. Had her ups and downs.

Its odd when it hits you - nothing changed but her rad onc said no tamoxifen until after rads and med onc said no right away - they told her she was too "high risk" to wait on tamoxifen (her tumor was 90% ER/PR+ HER-) and she was floored. Hit her like a ton of bricks.

She's no different then anyone I guess - hoping 3 doesnt become 4 but knowing we have no control over it. Fact remains someone can start advanced and be NED and someone can be stage 1 and end up with mets. There is not a whole lot of rhyme or reason. Gotta have trust in your oncology team, hopefully lots of support from family and friends, faith and prayer never hurt , but then you just have to take it one day at a time. Live your life looking ahead not looking back.

Best of luck and prayers to all

Claire there is plenty of excellent advice as always from the women on here.

I have a similar diagnosis to you, and was diagnosed about the same time too. At first I felt as though it was all happening to someone else. As PIP mentioned I started out thinking I was an earlier stage, all the docs seemed to think it was either very early stage or not even cancer. It gradually started to look worse and I got more worried and pessimistic until by the time I got my final diagnosis it showed fewer positive nodes than I expected. I had convinced myself it would be way more than that, so I was thinking ‘Oh only stage 3a?' But yes us stage 3 gals get everything thrown at it, which I see as a good thing. Connecting with other women on here was the biggest thing that helped me get through it all. Whatever stage of treatment I was at there were women who were going through it at the same time or who had already completed it.

Now I have finished all my treatment except Arimidex I will also concentrate on nutrition and fitness. There is a stage 3 fitness thread and one called ‘It takes 30 days to become habit Contest' that has been great for keeping me motivated during the wintry weather we have been having here. I can highly recommend it.

The Success Stories thread under Inspiring Stories is worth a look, as is a thread called ‘Any long term stage III survivors out there' on the stage 3 forum.

I am still off work too and would like to go back either later this month or next month. I think that will help me in many ways to return to what used to be my normal life.

Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you. Let us know how you get on.