40, single, just lost my virginity to a man, he won't date me

Options
2»

Comments

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited January 2010

    Good point Elizabeth! Those of us with husbands that "have" to accept us is different from a new person viewing our damaged bodies....sigh. I won't have a hope in hell of getting a new man into bed if I ever lose my DH.....

    I even dream that I'm flat. Does anyone else, or do you still have breasts?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • february_girl
    february_girl Member Posts: 15
    edited January 2010

    konakat, when I told him about my diagnosis and treatments, I asked him if it was a dealbreaker for him... when someone hears the word cancer, I figured that might be scary but he wasn't scared at all... it hit close to home because his mother died of lung cancer in 2008... he told me, no, it is not a dealbreaker... eventually the time came when I wanted to show him my scar... I had a lumpectomy so my left breast is smaller than my right breast... the scar is hardly noticeable... I know he is comfortable because when we are intimate, he gets very passionate and isn't afraid to touch or caress or kiss my left breast... he touches me very passionately there that I've begun to notice that I have feeling again in my left breast... for the longest time after my surgery, I couldn't feel my nipple or around it but the feeling is back... and thankfully for this man who has not been afraid to touch me... or to look at me... and to be perfectly honest, our bodies are not what makes it or breaks it with a good man... and I feel that he is a good man... there are things about my personality, I'll admit, that may be more of a turnoff like my over-analyzing... so I decided that I won't over-analyze when I'm with him... I've just been living in the moment with him and we've both been having such a great time!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited January 2010

    Wow Feb -- this is a first!  A lumpectomy scar almost not visible!  You're the first woman I've ever heard that wasn't self-conscious about the surgery.  Huh.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited January 2010

    My 2 lumpectomy scars (before my double masts) were quite large and still showing 30 years after I got them! I was hoping to lose them both with my BLM but one of them is still here as it was very high above the nipple! I was very nervous having sex with my now DH#2 as I was sure it would gross him out, but he loves me...Laughing

    Now, of course, I have much, much worse scars, so I hope he loves me even more!

    You go girlfriend!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • february_girl
    february_girl Member Posts: 15
    edited January 2010

    konakat, no, I am not self conscious about the surgery because of the good work of my surgeon. I was quite pleased with the results. There is a scar but it is around the areola so that explains why it's hardly noticeable. The scar from my port is more noticeable believe it or not. The only thing about the left breast other than it being smaller is that the nipple does not point outwards... the nipple points down and a little to the right.

    The way that it looks to me, if I had to sacrifice some breast tissue to be rid of that awful painful cancerous lump that was growing inside me, then so be it... it was not as big a sacrifice as I first thought... something much worse for me is the possibility of total ovarian failure due to chemotherapy... I don't have kids and if my period doesn't return then I can't have any and even if it did, I have to stay on tamoxifen for five years so I probably wouldn't have any. The fertility issue was so stressful when I was faced with having to make a decision about egg banking before my chemotherapy began. I decided against it. If I had a lifelong partner in the picture at the time, then I may have tried having eggs retrieved, fertilized and banking the embryos which has been proven more successful than egg banking.

    Ever since I started having sexual intercourse, I can't help but worry a little... what if the condom isn't effective and I don't have total ovarian failure and I get pregnant when I am not supposed to even be trying... I booked an appointment with my doctor next week to talk about my birth control options... this is such unfamiliar territory for me...

    My sex partner told me that he pulls out before he comes... so does that mean I don't have to worry when I have sex with him?... I can't help but worry.... I could have sworn that when we last had intercourse, I felt a sudden wetness when he came... he said that it was me...Surprised

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited January 2010

    When I had the lumpectomy, there was no visible scar at all. The lump had been in the outside part of my breast so the only thing was that my nipple was not totally centered but truthfully no one would be able to tell and I felt very comfortable in intimate situations. Too bad I had to have bilateral mx

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories