SEPTEMBER 2009 RADS

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    You know Amy when I went to the dr yesterday I was freaking...I kept putting it off but someone said maybe it was diverctulitous (can't spell) and I didn't want to have to deal with the over the New year so I went and I hated it....It was still Cleveland Clinic but not the specialty center where I went for chemo/rads...this place is for "normal" people with normal stuff...felt weird being there...like I should have special treatment or something...weird....and then I had to pee in a cup...fun time....but...the good news is my BP is FINALLY back to were it used to be pre chemo/pre rads...maybe I am calming down...a bit

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Echo...as Betsy would say you had better Buck up!

    Here I am doing all this trash talking!  We are having a party but I will be busy talking and eating and drinking wine...hope I see the game!

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Ok...this is the time of year I just love. You all on the east coast are talking back in time! It's still 2009 here. Hope you are ushering in the New Year with joy.

    We just got home from a very nice dinner with my in-law's and now are going to jump in our hot tub. I am hoping and dreaming 2010 will be a wonderful year for all of us.

    Echo...I'm hoping your fire burns bright tonight.

    Titan - As much as I want the Ducks to win...I'm happy I know a Buck. Wink

    Happy New Year to all. 

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Almost time for the game!  Got the pork loin and sauerkraut going...the shrimp is chillin'...the trail bologna and cheese is awaiting...plus cookies and chocolate...of course  and our favorite beverages...Betsy....do Ducks eat pork and kraut on New Year or is this a Buckeye thing?

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  • kawee
    kawee Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2010

    Glad everyone is having a good time!!!  You deserve it.

    Betsy,  should you get in a hot tub?  My PT says no hot showers -- promotes inflammation and fluid buildup.  You might want to ask about it.

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  • ccbaby
    ccbaby Member Posts: 985
    edited January 2010

    I haven't been able to get in our hot tub since chemo started...I miss it so much! Now I have to wait till I heal up more from my surgery and the middle of my chest STILL has a few red-burned looking splotches. I am still using the silvadene on it! You would think after almost 3 months the radiation would be out of a person's body, but apparently not!

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Titan- Ohio played a hell'va game. Congrats!

    We had fresh vegetables,dip, and homemade chicken soup for our game time eats.Starting the new year out on a health kick. Tonight open faced crab sandwiches.

    Kawee - I guess I need to ask about the hot tub. My rads onc said I could go swimming about a week after my open sores healed so I assumed hot tubbing was ok. I don't have any open sores. Has anyone else been told not to hot tub?

    cc - I'm still using aquaphor on my breast and I can still see the boost area marks.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Hey Betsy  it was a good game...well played by both sides..you DUCKS are fast!   Good "clean" game..sportsmanship on both sides.. I like that.

     Anyway..about the hot tub....we don't have one but we sat in a couple when we were in N Myrtle in October (one week after rads)...it felt wonderful..... I was more worried about bacteria since it wasn't "ours' but I did fine.  I think sometimes you have to do what feels good..and if it feels good do it...."and that's all I have to say about that".

    Looking forward to keeping in touch with you ladies in the new year...I'm assuming we all have our 3 month check ups, etc, etc...keep exercising, eating right and doing what you want..what feels good....you only live once   have some fun too....!  

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  • kawee
    kawee Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2010

    Now, it's my turn to watch my team.  The Lakers are on.  My favorite sport and my favorite team.  I just had a banana cookie and a tiny bit of ice cream.  Nothing as wonderful as you all had, although it was pretty darn good.

    Betsy- The only reason they don't want me to take hot showers is because of the fluid I have.  I'm sure for everyone else it's fine.  I thought you said you had pockets of it, so thought I'd mention it.

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Kawee - you are right, I do have small pockets of fluid and I have inflammation so odds are they will probably tell me the same thing. So I'm doing a self imposed No Tub Rule plus I'm also not putting anything into my body that is bad, sugar, alcohol etc until this infection is cleared up. That good red wine and hot tub will have to wait. I go in on Tuesday for my mammogram and ultra sound, so far I haven't noticed any improvement. I'm nervous about the mammogram pain.  I reminded myself this morning, this is one of those times I need PATIENCE. A virtue that I am sorely lacking.

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  • kawee
    kawee Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2010

    Betsy - What is the mammogram and ultra sound going to tell them?

    I go in Tuesday for an ultrasound under my arm and maybe an aspiration.  Are they supposed to draw out lymphatic fluid?  Course I don't know if it's that or if it's fluid buildup from those overstretches I did.  How are they going to know that?  I've got alot of questions for the Dr. when I get there.

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Kawee - they are looking for "other problems" or better stated "rule out any other issues". Both the bs and the rads onc said this is most likely not cause to be concerned. They did an ultrasound and had planned to aspirate but the bs said she would most likely cause more damage than it was worth. They can easily see if you have fluid pockets from the ultrasound. Mine are small,yet numerous, that's when she said she wanted a radiologist look at it. Hence the ultrasound.  I think they just decided to move my bilat. mammograms up since I'm still having problems. I was scheduled to have them done in Feb anyway.

    Good luck on Tuesday.

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  • lollys
    lollys Member Posts: 205
    edited January 2010

    wishing Betsy and Kawee good luck with their ultrasounds and mammograms!!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Betsy and Kawee....you will be fine...I KNOW the techs will go easy with your mammos...gosh..we have been through so much..and now to have mammos when your breasts are already hurting..it just doesn't seem right....still wonder why we have to go through this **..s...t!

    Anyway..I kinda lost it today....lately my family has being treating me...like I am stupid...now..I know...I'm not a rocket scientist or a doctor...but I also know that I'm not that DUMB either...but..sometimes I still feel that it takes me awhile to comprehend things...there was an incident tonight.and well..I went bullistic...I told my wonderful family that I am tired of being treated like I am stupid...told them to go through surgery, chemo and rads and see where their brain ends up!  I have been..soo. strong...for so long...acting like everything is the same..but it is NOT...they have got to realize that this  wife/mom..is not the same anymore...I can't pretend anymore..and I am crying while type this.. I don't want them to be upset about "me" but then again..I tired of acting like everything is OK... We have all been through so darn much...this is been harder on my soul than my body....and I finally let loose...I don't know if I feel better...but I think I do!

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  • MTG
    MTG Member Posts: 646
    edited January 2010

    Ladies - Let's face it, last year SUCKED. No wonder we wind up venting, going ballistic, crying  or simply tearing up (me- during News Years toast; suprised the hell out of myself). This time of year is one normally spent (a) thinking about the past 12 months and (b) anticipating the next 12 months. Well, let's see, 2009 is something I'd just as soon forget. And 2010 has a whole lot of question marks - when will we heal?, will we have any reactions to tamox/AIs?, what will our next mammos/ us show?, will everything be all right ? So no wonder we're losing it. We have every right to. But despite it all, I love that I and everyone else has this thread to come to. For all of us - Let 2010 be a thousand times better that 2009 !

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited January 2010

    Titan, I'm sorry that your family hurt your feelings and I hope they come to their senses quick!   Did you ever consider that they might be "hitting you when you are down" because they are no match for you otherwise?   Hang in there, you are brave and not stupid.  You know that!

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited January 2010

    Titan - This whole process is SO filled with frustrations. Sometimes they really catch up with us. There is no easy answer. Our families try to be there for us, but it is hard for them to know what we are feeilng ilke inside, and therefore how to treat us.  If they were trying to be kind but doing it wrong, that is one thing. If they were being disrespectful or teasing in a hurtful way, that is another and would elicit a different response (from me, anyway). 

    I am so sorry this upset you. Hopefully they will learn from your outburst how upsetting the whole thing is and raise their game up a notch in how they treat you. And hopefully getting it off your chest made you feel better, too.

    You HAVE been so strong and brave. Sometimes it is overwhelming but then we regroup and keep going. 

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  • ccbaby
    ccbaby Member Posts: 985
    edited January 2010

    Titan....What I have learned this past year is that other people no matter how much they try to sympathize with you, will never understand what is going on with us, unless it actually happens to them. They can have all of the best intentions, but they just don't get it. Even family. I do have one family member that knows what I am going through, my Aunt. She had colorectal cancer 7 years ago and now has a recurrence of it and has spread to her liver and the fat in her pelvic area. We call each other for support. Just remember, you can always come here for support from us...

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  • micheleboots
    micheleboots Member Posts: 1,993
    edited January 2010

    Titan, I am sending super big hugs your way(((hugs))).

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    MTG...you are so right...last year did SUCK...I was thinking about what you said and except for AFTER radiation 2009 was a bad year...first the anxiety of finding out about the freaking cancer and then the treatment of it...thinking back now it was AWFUL..

    Maybe during chemo I didn't realize that I was doing dumb things..maybe now...that I'm coming out of the fog somewhat I realize it more when I DO screw up...and it bothers me...and I just can't laugh it off any more...I don't like it...and it is just frustrating...maybe my poor brain is trying to heal....well...if venting to my family last night helps it to heal..so be it! 

    Cristy..I love your new picture..you look so sassy! 

    Thanks again for your support (again).

    I wonder if any of us knows really how we are supposed to "act".   We are "done" with treatments but...are we really "done'?   I would just like to forget this past freaking year and go on but I'm afraid to! 

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  • lollys
    lollys Member Posts: 205
    edited January 2010

    I feel like everything is surreal--the past year and the holidays and starting a new year--it just seems weird-- it will be a year in feb. I was diagnosed--I keep thinking of what I was doing a year ago --  it just is unexplainable-- so I just dont think our heads are in the right place yet--whether it is chemo or just the whole past year experiences-- I started using this face cream i used during chemo-- the smell freaked me out--it took me back a whole year-- how can you explain that to anyone who hasnt been through what we have-- like MTG said-- the memories of the past year and the worries of the upcoming year-- but we must keep going and be strong but we have to give in to our feelings too  in order to get through this-- thank goodnes again for this thread and all of you--Laura

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Titan - sorry I didn't read your post until this evening. I had my own melt down this weekend. On Sat. at around 4:00 p.m. I got a terrible side ache that would not go away. I kept thinking...hell it's probably gas so just buck up. By 10:00, we were calling the dr to see if I could take a pain pill to make it through the night. I could not lay down comfortably. He said it could be my kidney, maybe stones but couldn't say over the phone. He said take the pill, go to emergency if it gets worst. I thanked him for calling so late then turned to my dh and burst into tears. He was ready to whisk me off to the hospital. I said NO...I'm just so tired of not feeling good. First the pain in my chest...now this? I need to take a moment and have a pity party and I just sobbed. The pain lessened by the next morning. But this morning I woke up with the pain and didn't feel good again (common feeling the past two weeks) so I called the doctor and got in right away.  

    Today after testing my urine they said it was most likely muscular since I'm on a really high dose of antibiotics which rules out a number of other potential causes of pain. Sure didn't feel muscular to me? Although it was close to the area that they radiated and maybe the muscles in the rib area are weak and I twisted funny...I don't remember doing anything that would have caused it?  But at least my kidney isn't screwed up. I was so worried that chemo did a number on it. Yes, Titan I totally freaked out!!!

    This past year has altered how I view things and how I respond to things. And yes...I can totally relate to the lack of brain connections right now.  I feel sort of beaten down at this point but I am determined to come out of this new and improved. I just need my body to heal first, the rest will come.

    Hugs...

    Betsy

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Betsy!  So they think it was muscular?  That is what they said about my side pain also!  Well, when you go today for your mammo you can talk to them about this....and let me know. 

    I got stuck in the driveway this morning...my car is now in the middle of the lawn..I called my DH to tell him and he reminded me that he got out of our driveway perfectly...I told him that I didn't call him to hear about how he was perfect and I hung up...got my son's beater car and drive to work.  I was fired up and I still am....

    Lollys..was thinking about your comment about remembering last year around this time..I found my lump on 1/19,.  I'm freaking out about that day but I am going out with some friends that night....I keep reminding myself that in early Nov. my mammo said I had totally "unremarkable" breasts...I just want them to stay that way!   I'm sure we will all be reliving the past year's events in the next few months...

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  • lollys
    lollys Member Posts: 205
    edited January 2010

    Betsy --I hope you are doing better you have been through so much extra crap lately --enough is enough!! have a better day  everyone--

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    I'm beginning to think I freak out about something almost every day! Ah well...better than being a zombie...my family never knows what to expect from me anymore..it's kinda fun..really!

    My dd told me about a friend of her's whose mom went through chemo and I guess now she is crazy!  The thing is...will we know that we are nuts...or will we be oblivious to it?   I know someone who had chemo a few years back and this lady is pretty looney also...hum....oh well! 

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  • kawee
    kawee Member Posts: 324
    edited January 2010

    Is it chemo that causes the brain fuzziness, because I didn't even have chemo.  My brain, since all this, is completely fuzzy.  Can't remember things, names, sometimes even feel a little confused.  Even my family notices it. 

    Got my ultrasound this morning.  No fluid under my arm.  So why the puffiness and soreness?  The Dr. at the breast center who reads the ultrasounds said "I guess there just beating you up down there (at physical therapy).  Kind of an expensive beating".  Anyway he's going to give the report to my breast Dr.  I know I need PT because I have this tightness and soreness, but I've never heard of someone swelling up afterward.

    Anyway, I've notice that all my friends and family don't even mention bc.  They think I'm healed body and soul.  Only I know I'm not.  No point in saying anything, only you understand what I'm going thru.  Thanks for being there and understanding!!!!! 

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  • elimar86861
    elimar86861 Member Posts: 7,416
    edited January 2010

    kawee,  I only went to 4 PT sessions, then stopped going.  What it did: Made some of the lumpiness go away right underneath my scar line.  What it did not do:  Loosen me up anymore that my at-home stretching did.  I am still tight and sore in my rads rectangle.

    Even the therapist said it will probably just take TIME.  Since I am not limited in my range of motion or having actual pain, I plan to just keep stretching and massaging at home, and just give it time.  I figure if it will take months for the soreness to leave my ribs, then maybe the same for the rest of the area.   

    I'm not puffy at all and my arm was never a problem.  Mine was all chest.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    Kawee....yes there is chemo brain....but I think that just having breast cancer does a number on your mind whether or not you have chemo....chemo is just an added perk!    It is always there...in the back of your mind...your friends and family WANT you to be done but you know that you are not...we know that you are not...that is why it is so good to come here....because we are still suffering, freaking...whatever....for a few minutes each day I can vent, cry..and listen to all you going through the same thing....then turn off my pc and go out and do what I need to do with my family, friends and work...it is working for me...it is just so good to have an outlet.

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited January 2010

    Had my mammogram and ultrasound today. The mammogram tech was GREAT! She was very gentle, unlike some I've had in the past. The ultrasound was what was painful...go figure...I usually fall asleep when the do that exam. Not today! Anyway, the results the bc breast looks ok but they want me to come back in 6 mos. Are most of you on a 6 mo. schedule? They said they want to monitor the "tumor bed". Regarding the infection, they said just keep taking the antibiotics as they did not see any areas of concern. TG....

    I'm feeling better today. My side ache is almost gone and other than the feeling of a bruised boob, I'm feeling pretty good.

    As I was relaying all my past year's information today the only exact date besides my surgery that I could come up with was the date I started Tamoxifen. Strange how our brains work...or don't ...depending on your perspective.

    I'm writing what my chemo notebook said about Chemo-brain but I'm sure it's true for any of us taking tamoxifen or the post menapausal drug, can't remember the name. (LOL- here I am writing about it and have had a total brain fart):

    *  Fuzzy headedness (3 areas affected) word finding, lack of concentration, ability to multi-task

    *  Effects can last - weeks to months for word finding and concentration. The Multi-tasking can last for months to years after treatment is completed.

    *  Possible ways to prevent:  keep mind active by doing puzzles, word games, sudoku, ets.

    I'm sure I'm forgetting something...oh well, chemo-brain is alive and well with me. Although, I have noticed some improvement with food finding...oops I mean word finding. Actually, both are applicable.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited January 2010

    I have tried to do the word games but I get bored!  I did play euchre the other day though..and I did well...I was so excited that I could actually pay attention and follow suit...I haven't played in a year...I felt clear headed when we played..not stupid...it was cool.

    Anyway...I have a dentist appt. today!   For some reason I am freaking!   Guess it is seeing the people in white coats disease!   I was supposed to go in Sept. but cancelled...this is just a quick "fill" but I don't even want to go there.

    Betsy...am glad you are feeling better....my side ache comes and goes...better than it was a week ago....but still there....walked last night for the first time in a week and it felt good.

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